Post # 1
I’m reposting this b/c I put it in behive by mistake – sorry if you are reading it twice!
First, we were getting married in my partners home town in New Zealand. Then, our lawyer advised us that my partner should not travel yet and we canceled the NZ wedding and are planning a Vegas wedding.
He says he never wanted to get married in NZ in the first place – so he’s thrilled but of course, why he did not just say that in the first place is beyond me!
Then, he told me it was super important to him to have a Star Wars theme wedding – and I was absolutely on board with that too. I have actually been 100% on board with everyting he wants!!!
Now, he tells me he doesn’t want the Star Wars theme anymore! What?
Will someone please tell me what the heck is going on with this man please?? What the heck does he want anyway?? Does he really just want me to tell him to sit down, shut up and do things my way? AAAARGH!!!!
Post # 3
Sounds like he is behaving like us girls! Thinking something is great then second guessing a choice. I think with wedding planning you get bombarded with ideas and expectations; its hard not go crazy with all the decisions.
Maybe have a relaxing dinner, and say ok lets decide on what our vision of the wedding is. We have thrown so many ideas around, let’s figure out what will work best, what is most important to us, and what we can be happy with.
Post # 4
Maybe he wants direction…? Sounds like youre leaving a lot of vital decisions to him and maybe hes looking for someone to take the reigns and help out and guide him. We all know men are wedding disabled… he probably feels like if he throws out crazy ideas you’ll take over because you wouldn’t want a crazy wedding.
Sit down and talk it out. Share your vision for your wedding and let him put some ideas in too. Its both your day, you should both have a say.
Post # 5
thanks guys. i guess i have been trying to give him a lot of choices since the wedding is a bigger deal for him than me in a sense. i mean, its a big deal for me but the details aren’t a big deal – i could care less what color the flowers are you know?
now he says he wants a very simple wedding and that is right in line with my thinking so hopefully, that is a step in the right direction.
Post # 6
@LeftLaneLauren – the thing is – i’m actually fine with crazy ideas! i wouldn’t care if we had a star wars, star trek or snoopy theme wedding! doesn’t he know that about me??
Post # 7
i had a lot of indecisive moments early in my planning too.. maybe that’s just what he’s going thro – trying to balance what makes him happy, with social expectations and what he might think you’d like? he may also just NOT know the options out there.
if you have the time, brainstorm a bit and let it sit / settle before actually making the plans. that way you won’t be frustrated by further changes.
Post # 8
He sounds like me! What sounded like a good idea at first, now doesn’t, and then I change my mind again!
Maybe the two of you can figure out the basics of what’s most important to you both and then build off this.
He also may just be spouting off different random ideas without being 100% set on doing them (I’m VERY much like this – much to my FI’s confusion!)
Post # 9
so wait – are you guys saying my groom is acting like…a bride? that’s really funny!
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios
Similar to oracle, I am having different random ideas and I think they’re great until I think some more. Since it’s a once in a lifetime event, your groom is probably just trying to decide what he wants and maybe he’s not 100% sure yet. It’s ok! It’s great that you are open to all of his ideas but maybe you can help each other by talking more about what you want as well. It might be MANY conversations until you decide what you two truly want but it’ll be worth it!
Post # 11
I guess I should give him some of my ideas too. Sigh. I don’t have many ideas- I’l have to work on that!
Post # 12
My groom is the same way!!! One conversation we had, he literally (within five minutes of each other) said (after INSISTING that we have to have a dinner reception; cocktails just won’t do!), “I can’t imagine asking my grandma to stand in a buffet line. Buffets take so long and the food is cold by the time you get it and everyone is eating at different times, it’s so tacky…” three minutes later: “Sit down dinners with waitstaff are so formal and way too stuffy – I want our reception to be more fun and relaxed than that!”
I just sat there staring at him and was like “how do you expect me to feed these people!?”
In the end, we talked more about WHY he wants things (i.e. worried about elderly relatives being comfortable and wanting a fun atmosphere) and less about what he thinks will accomplish them. What I’m figuring out is that he has these vague ideas of what he wants, but he doesn’t really understand them – afterall, HE isn’t the one spending hours online looking at ideas and reading success and horror stories, he just knows the four weddings he went to last year were fun for xyz reasons and uncomfortable in abc situations.
Try getting to the reasons BEHIND his ideas, and then brainstorm from there. I’m excited for you that your guy wants to help plan at all! Yay!
Post # 13
Is this characteristic to his personality? If so, then he’s just being him 🙂 If not, I would say that he is having those same wedding planning issues that we brides usually experience (e.g., changing our mind every minute). I think this is a great opportunity for you to ask him what is important to him as far as the wedding goes and tell him your confusion with his changing his mind about NZ and the Star Wars (in a very supportive way).
You can tell him that you are frustrated and confused by what he wants and want to make sure that the wedding is a reflection of both of you (not just you). Practicing this type of communication will hopefully be helpful 🙂
Post # 14
Thanks everyone. I have just got to get him to nail down some details. Today I did a good thing – he suggested a venue a few days ago so today, I called them. When I told him dates were booking up there he said “they’re lying to you to get you to book” and “we can just go someplace else” – to which I said “WELL NO – I LIKE THAT VENUE AND MAYBE I WANT IT.” And you know what?
He said that he would be happy with that choice and he’s okay if I want to book there.
So I’m going to look into that. And once we have the deposit down – no going back!!