(Closed) Please read and give me some advice before I go see a counsellor :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

See, I would check your contract and see what the vendors say about pushing a date back. If you will not lose a whole bunch of money if you bump the wedding back 8 months/next year I would consider it. OLNY because it sounds like his parents are starting to come around, and it would be better to have happy inlaws than pissed off inlaws methinks.

On the otherhand if you WILL Lose a bunch of money, keep it as is and have your Fiance tell his family the whole it’s paid off allready, so sorry.

Would you be willing to get married catholic?

Post # 4
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh wow. I don’t know what advice to give you, but that sounds like a NIGHTMARE. I’m so sorry! Keep your head up.

Post # 7
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If you were going to change your plans for a Catholic wedding you would want to do it ASAP to have time for a priest to agree to marry you, the pre marital counseling and the pre cana.

Considering everything you have said about his family is this something you can literally deal with for the rest of your life? If the answer is no you may want to reevaluate. You are making a lifelong comitment to him and the family so you need to decide if that’s something you can comit to forever. Everything being paid for is not a reason to keep going forward. 

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow. I’m really sorry this all evolved as it did. Is there any way you all can sit down with a mediator and work out all of these lingering horrible attacks against you before your wedding? It’s good there’s some turning around happening but I don’t know…sounds like an awful lot to turn around… Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would reschedule the wedding for a Catholic church in the town you already have vendors (where you went to school). 

Invite his parents, tell him about what you’ve planned, but don’t let them worry about the budget. If they aren’t contributing, then they don’t need to know about the finances.  I wouldn’t postpone the wedding– it’s his sister’s fault for being a jerk in the first place. 

Post # 11
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly, I would NOT change the date. It could take years for them to accept you, do you really want to put your future & marriage on hold to possibly gain their acceptance? I mean either way you’ve been engaged for awhile now… would you just say you got engaged recently, or make up a new date? Then you have to make lies on top of lies, & you really won’t like doing that. Plus what if one of your friends or family says something how you were engaged for so many years & your future in-laws were told a different date… they’re probably going to find out My advice would be to just tell them you’re engaged & if they aren’t mature enough to handle it, that’s their problem, not yours.

It would be horrible to postpone your wedding, lose a good amount of money & a year or two later, have them be the same . To be married in a Catholic Church I believe you can’t be living together (not sure if you are) & you have to go to so many pre-marital meetings (which usually last around 6 months but I’m not sure) & you have to be regular attendees… that may not be the same with all Catholic churches, but that’s how most are.

The vendors are all likely going to keep your deposits. Some *might* let you apply it to a different date & then you’ll have to re-do deposits/contracts when you pick your new date. Plus, what if they’re not available when you pick your new date?

Maybe, they could be in charge of a 2nd reception back in his home-town. Or maybe an engagement party or the rehersal in that town.

How odd his sisters turned on him, and on you. I’m sorry you’re going through this!! I hope that you continue with your wedding plans & his family has a huge change of heart & realize how wrong & horrible they’re acting.

Post # 15
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Is the officant a Catholic priest? Perhaps that could be your compromise? Or maybe you could ONLY change the ceremony venue for them and pick a Catholic church by you as an olive branch to his family to show them you want to include them as much as possible now (since there’s nothing they can do now)… I would not push back the date- it’s not your job to change your wedding because they finally are coming around.  They should have been adults before.  Your fiance should not have hidden your relationship/engagement for so long- it’s not fair to you and it’s made you have serious insecurities and fueled their fire in a way from the way I read your situtation…. All that aside, if they love their son, they will bring you into their lives, whenever your wedding is, whereever it is- but I think having it at a Catholic church might smooth things over somewhat since the date is probably going to knock the wind out of them quite a bit since it’s a surprise…. Also, the budget is none of their business if they are not paying for it, so just tell them you and your parents (or just you and your fiance) figured it out and are comfortable with the amount you spent/are spending. It’s rude to ask, especially if they aren’t going to be helping.

Post # 16
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@anonymous88:  this is kind of a random suggestion but M-F there’s a satellite radio show on Cosmo Radio with a licensed therapist that you could call in to 888-812-6766

Homepage

The topic ‘Please read and give me some advice before I go see a counsellor :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors