(Closed) PLEASE READ: Need Advice… found Internet Explorer history :(

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@NeedAdviceQuickly: I understand your frustration but sometimes its just easier/quicker/less work to just get the job done by yourself ;). If Im asleep some nights, my Fiance will sometimes do it next to me, even though all he has to do is wake me up. I think you’re making mountains out of molehills, though I know that its hard since your sex life has been dumpy lately. I think that feeling like crap over him masterbating is a little extreme and may mean that theres some self esteem issues at play here. 

Post # 4
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is it possible he looked at those sites before coming to bed? He might have looked at those sites to try and get his libido going FOR you…sort of like the male equivalent of reading a smutty book? 

Post # 5
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well, the first thing I thought is that he may be looking at porn to stimulate his sex drive for you. This sounds strange, but (and this may be tmi and is a bit embarrassing) I have a very low sex drive due to my pills and sometimes if I want to get in the mood for my hubby I watch something sexy first. It works better than anything. This may be a strategy he is using, so dont jump to conclusions and think he is prefering this over you, he may be watching it to get himself ready for you and maybe it just wasnt working for him that night. Who knows, but talk to him about it.

Post # 8
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well porn or no porn, you are certainly struggling with your esteem due to his lack luster libido. It makes sense for what your feeling and your not crazy or over wined 😉

Communication is key! Just be upfront and honest, and try to get to the bottom of things. Don’t be shy about your needs or your need to know something.

Perhaps he can do sexy things with you , that ends up pleasuring you  even if he is not in the mood for himself to ejaculate etc. Women often do things for their man when they may not feel like it, so it works both ways.

Post # 10
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

As i was reading I figured he may have asked for a rain check because he realized he wasn’t in the mood. Men associate their sex drive with their masculinity. He may have then went to the porn sites to see if it would get his motor going. Not sure if you are into it, but try watching porn with him.

Post # 12
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@NeedAdviceQuickly:

I’m sorry that is super frusterating!

I’m gonna be the odd one out and say that I don’t support pornography- unless its something you are watching together in an effort to enrich your sex life-which is a mutual open decison. I think of porn as cheating in a sense. Fortunately as some folks suggested, he may be using it to get primed up for you … but since you say he rarely accepts any of the advances or even his own offers- its questionable.

As much as you don’t want to , just do it! Confront him!  Maybe it is his health or something embarrassing, but you should know about it so you can comfort and help the situation. You also can’t live the rest of your life feeling shutdown and letting him get pleasure from strangers on the computer. Thats no way to start a marriage or keep one.

Post # 15
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

less hinting, more direct conversation.  

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i have no problem with porn (i watch it more than hubby to be honest) but i feel when it begins to affect the relationship then it is a problem

firstly hugs, you must be feeling terrible and your confidence shaken.  secondly marriage is about communication and you should feel confident enough to be able to talk about the tough subjects

maybe he used the porn because it is quicker and easier to get himself off but the way it is affecting you isnt fair. your Fiance talking to his buddies about their sexual performance is not good enough – he needs to see a doctor and ask if there are other factors that could be affecting his performance and if medically everything is ok then he needs to speak to a professional because him and his right hand is not going to make a healthy marriage going forward.  goodluck and be brave and speak up – try not to attack him when you talk to him but let him know you are feeling from this.

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