Ok Bees… I am going all incognito for this one for privacy reasons. Fiance and I have an OK sex life. We have sex once a week to every 10 days or so. About 6-8 months ago it started slowing down some. Fiance was having some health issues and we were in the process of moving places, etc. Well, since he is now on certain medication it is hard for him to “go”, if you know what I mean. He has great stamina when we do have sex because of this, BUT his libido is terribly low. I initiate sex most of the time and he willingly participates, even though I know that some of the time he doesn’t feel like it. I was on my period for the majority of the week last week, but we did have sex Thursday when I got off. We didn’t have sex over the weekend at all… but he did consult some of his friends who are in the same physical shape he is in ( army buddies) and they assured him.. and me (awkward) that this is normal and it is NOT me.
Well, yesterday he tells me that he WANTS to have sex TONIGHT. So, I go bathe, shave, put lotion on.. kind of semi fix my hair to be sexy bed head type of look. Then, right before bed he says he is too tired and wants to take a rain check for tonight, OK- a little bummed BUT we did stay up, cuddle, watch an episode on TV and then kiss and nuzzle a little before bed. He was going to stay up and finish uploading his ipod. Fine… I go to sleep before him most nights anyways,
Well tonight he is gone to one of his meetings and won’t be out until 9 or 10. So I get the wine, the laptop and start my usual weddingbee, facebook, yahoo time while he is out. I can’t remember the site I saw yesterday when I saw some Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses I liked so I check the internet history. BIG MISTAKE. Turns out… while I was asleep, he was busy looking up MILF WebCam porn or toohorny4u.com.
Bees- I am not naive, I KNOW men look at porn but .. I was there.. willing.. in bed…. NAKED! All he had to do was tap me on the shoulder and I would’ve done anything he wanted me to!
So here I am. Feeling unattractive, unwanted and plain ol like dog shit because my Fiance would rather watch some web cam girl than have the real woman right next to him,
I want to confont him SO BAD when he gets home.. but, what is the point? It is not like I am going to leave him because he visited a porn site. I just feel so.., I don’t know how to explain it other than just unwanted and gross. It is not like I am NOTHING to look at! I am in good shape, have nice boobs.. am willing to do or try anything.
It is making me incredibly sad because I WANT him to want ME so badly… and he says he does, but I just don’t see it.
Maybe it is the wine taking over, or I am just being too emotional for my own good. Do you have any advice? Should I say something or just let it go and try to enjoy the night when he gets here? I just dont feel mad at all, but hurt and ugly.