(Closed) Please settle a disagreement between my mom and I! (Saint names)

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 17
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@piiink  OMG you must stop your mom with this!!!! Get a priest on the phone ASAP, she cannot make up a new name for him on your wedding invitations!

Post # 18
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It seems that having a saint name for Baptism is a custom in Vietnam. In the USA it is a custom to choose a saint name for Confirmation instead. But either way, having a saint name is in no way a requirement for any sacrament.

The purpose of choosing (or being given) a saint name is so that you take that saint as your patron saint; it is someone to research, ask for prayers from, and imitate their Christian virtue.

Post # 19
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@piiink  I agree with you, this is frustrating. It’s not your mom’s place to “assign” a saint to your Fiance. My advice is to call your priest now and ask him to speak with your mom. Only ones who should choose a saint for your Fiance is either your Fiance himself, his parents or godparents.

Post # 20
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Do not let your mother choose his saint’s name for him, that’s ridiculous! Saint’s names are certainly not required, but if he wants one for the invites at least let him pick!

I’d be livid.

Post # 21
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Omgosh – I can’t believe your mother is doing that, it’s a sign to me that there are some serious issues going on. In no way should she “give” him a saint name or be ordering additional invitations. You need to put a stop to this asap or it could cause serious issues between your Fiance and you and if she is allowed to do this – it will make her feel she is entitled to interfere even more as your marriage continues.

Post # 22
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Really? It’s not like he chose his name so I don’t see how there can be issue over that! Yuck. Sorry you’re dealing with that 🙁

Post # 23
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

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@piiink  Oh my gosh.  Seriously, your Fiance needs to tell his mother to back off. This is not her wedding, the invitations are not hers to order/send.  

Like the PPs said, you do not need a Saints name in order to be baptized or married in the Catholic church.  My Fiance is not even Catholic and the only difference for us compared to a couple where both are Catholic is that we needed to fill out an extra form which acknowledges that he is not Catholic but that we are marrying with the plans to raise our future children as Catholic.  My uncle is a Catholic priest who is marrying us in a Catholic church. 

I did pick a Saints name when I was confirmed, but that is no way a legal name and it is just a symbolic gesture, not anything more.

Post # 24
Member
998 posts
Busy bee

It is very typical for Vietnamee people to have the saint name on the invite but please tell your mom not to do it. It is common now not to put the saint name on the Vietnamese invites. The last couple ones we have in the family do not have saint names at all. But unless, the priest specific ask for a saint name they will not use it in the ceremony at all.

Post # 25
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Usually when you are confirmed you pick a saints name, but most people pick their name they were baptized with. It is not a problem if you don’t have a saints name, it is mostly over looked now a days.

Post # 26
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I picked a saints name when I was confirmed, but haven’t used it since that day!  I don’t go by it or anything.  It was the name I used during spanish class in school, so I just thought it was cool.  

OP I agree that your mom has way overstepped her boundaries.  Hopefully you can get her to stop!  Good luck!

Post # 27
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Fiance is Catholic, and had to pick a saint’s name for his confirmation. I remember him telling me because he picked St Thomas Aquinas, and when the priest came up and asked him for his new name, this happened:

Fiance: Thomas

Priest: Ah, doubting Thomas! A reminder to you to be strong in faith!

Fiance: Er….

Priest: *already moving onto the next candidate*

Fiance: *decides it really isn’t worth the public humiliation, and shuts up*

Like other posters say, maybe it’s different in Vietnam, but people in the UK get a confirmation name. Even so, most of them never use it again… and I very much doubt it will come up during the wedding, either… stay strong! Mother is wrong!

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