Post # 1
We have not yet discussed wedding at all, plan to on Saturday night. Just wanted to hear some feedback on thoughts and experiences about mismatched wedding party numbers.
Fiance has voiced a few times that he has several friends he “has to have” as groomsmen. I’ve mentioned only having my brother and best friend but always tell him “have as many as you want, numbers don’t need to match”. He is visibly disappointed and confused when I say this. Because 1. he knows I have a lot of close girlfriends and 2. he is a man with little wedding knowledge who just assumes the numbers have to match. I would never suggest he not have the groomsmen he wants.
Truth be told, I was really hoping once I got engaged, I’d change my mind on my own. But I get physically sick thinking about 5 person bridal party. I suffer from mild anxiety but I am determined to make this a positive experience with little to no drama. I understand nothing is perfect and stress free but while my girlfriends are fun and awesome…. calming and chill, they are not. All type A, all competitive, all leading vastly different lives and historically always had tension.
Can you all advise me on how to talk to him, explain or show him it’s OK to have diff numbers? What are your experiences? Did it look weird?
Post # 2
I’m not sure what experiences you’re hoping to hear, it’ll be just as any other wedding but with more groomsmen or more bridesmaids. It’s not going to affect the day in any way.
Post # 3
Most of the weddings I’ve been in and most of the weddings I’ve been to have had uneven wedding parties–I don’t think anyone cares. FWIW I think it’s smart to not add BMs just for the sake of adding people.
The GMs don’t have to process with the BMs, they can just be at the front of the church with the groom.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
Been in a wedding with uneven bridesmaids and groomsmen, and it’s very UNeventful. No one will notice or care. we had 5 girls and 6 guys so 1 of the guys walked in with a girl on each arm. Again, this took like 30 seconds and no one noticed or cared. Have who you want on both sides!
Post # 5
We had 6 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen; 2 of the groomsmen (DH’s brothers) walked in with DH’s grandparents in the processional, and then we just had the last two bridesmaids exiting in the recessional walk with 2 groomsmen each. It looked fine and I honestly don’t think anyone thought twice about it. The other option is to have bridesmaids and groomsmen walk in solo if you’re worried about uneven pairing.
Post # 6
I, very much like you, wanted zero drama or anxiety about things I cannot control- like other people’s feelings. I knew that I would be nervous on my wedding day and I didn’t want my friends in the room getting ready with me while I was being snippy or bickering with my mom.
My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and last minute we added my niece who is somewhat close in age to me because I have another much older sister.
My Darling Husband had 3 groomsmen. They stood with him from the start of the ceremony. They did not process down the aisle. My Maid/Matron of Honor processed and then I came down the aisle and my niece trailed behind me inconspicuously to fluff my train and veil which were very long.
It was a dream not to ruin my friendships during the wedding planning. They were happy to be guests. If I weren’t such a nervous nelly I could have invited them into my dressing room for mimosas that morning, so you can consider that if you still want them to feel special.
Tell Fiance that you care about who is in the party, not how many. Ask him for a list of names of Groomsmen before you give him your number of BMs so he doesn’t feel the need to cut the list short.
Trust me, you are doing the right thing. I have seen many friendships end because of bridesmaid duties and tension!
Post # 7
Show him pictures so he can visualize an uneven wedding party and see that plenty of people do it this way. And emphasis that these are your friends and family – not props. You shouldn’t ask or not ask someone just for the sake of having even numbers.
Post # 8
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding with 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 2 Groomsmen, and one with 2 BMs and 4 Groomsmen. There isn’t really anything to say because it was entirely a non-issue. I think you are being smart by keeping it simple and stress free.
I actually read something once from a person who does wedding magazine photographs and they preferred uneven parties!
Post # 9
I had 4 bridesmaids (both my sisters, one of my SILs and my best friend) and Darling Husband had 3 groomsmen (my sister’s long term SO and 2 best friends). I couldn’t imagine not asking one of my girls and Darling Husband didn’t really have anyone else that he wanted to ask. These people are our friends and family – they didn’t need to be symmetical.
As for how it all worked, each of the bridesmaids walked in the procession alone (this is how it’s always done where I’m from anyway, I’ve never seen the groomsmen walk in the procession), except for my 14yo sister who escorted the ring bearers. During the recessional, the first groomsmen escorted both of my sisters up the aisle whilst the other bridesmaids and groomsmen paired off. Our photographer arranged us all how he wanted for the photos, and all the shots came out great. My 14yo sister chose not to open the dancing with the rest of the bridal party, as she was too shy and nervous; if she had’ve chosen to dance, our 8yo brother (one of the ring bearers) said he would’ve danced with her.
I second a PPs recommendation of showing your Fiance some photos of uneven parties so that he can get a better idea of how common it is these days and how it won’t throw anything off.
Post # 10
I had 6 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen (incl. Maid/Matron of Honor and best man)… two of the guys just walked down with two girls… they loved it!
Post # 11
I’ve been in a wedding where there was an uneven bridal party (1 more bridesmaid). It wasn’t a huge deal at all – the only part that was a bit awkward was that I walked down the aisle with another bridesmaid and a groomsmen inbetween us. When we got to the alter we just had to coordinate which one of us walked infront to get to our “side”. We laughed about it but honestly, I doubt anyone noticed. The pictures were totally fine.
Post # 12
My wedding will have 4 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen. Since my flowergirls and ringbearers are really young, I’m planning on using my extra groomsmen to help heard them down the aisle. I might have a few of them walk by themselves or with each other during the recessional. Honestly, I don’t think anyone will care.
My groom and I have very different personalities, so having such an uneven party made sense. I have my two sisters and two close friends, which is definitely representative of me. I didn’t want to add acquaintances just for the sake of looks. He has his two brothers, and all his best friends/roommates from college. He tried to limit it to match initially, but when he saw how much it was stressing him out to pick and choose his friends, I think he finally saw things my way and added all the groomsmen he wanted.
Post # 13
We’re probably going to be uneven and we’re both totally fine with it. Fiance doesn’t have a lot of close guy friends that he wants up there with him, his dad is his best man. He may or may not have another friend or two on his side I have a matron of honor who will definitely be wearing a suit or slack and a vest (she hasn’t worn a dress since she was a kid and is non-binary/masculine presenting so we both agreed it would be ridiculous to force her into a dress and pretend to be someone she isn’t). And I have two other bridesmaids. Whoever he chooses to add to his side is up to him and I’m cool with it. They’ll each enter on their own (his dad will escort his mom to her seat, then take his place up front).
May the end of the day it should be people you want there with you and the numbers aren’t important.
Post # 14
we had 4 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen (including Maid/Matron of Honor & BM) and we had them walk individually. It wasn’t a big deal.
Post # 15
I had 4 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen. The guys walked in first and stood at the altar, then the girls walked in seperately. The only time they “partnered” up was following us walking back out of the ceremony. Every girl grabbed a guy, and the last guy walked out on his own doing a funny little dance. When they got announced into the reception, we did all the guys in a row first, then all the girls. At the head table we alternated them to guy,girl,guy,girl and I don’t think anyone noticed or cared.