(Closed) **Please Share your **biggest Regrets** incl photos

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 332
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

threads like thesse are soo helpful for someone like me in the planning stages. love!

Post # 333
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ok here are mine – which I mention briefly in another thread I started….I think I should write a book or make a movie lolol

FIGHTING OVER FOOD

1) My husband did not want food at the wedding. Yes, you read correctly. NO hors d’ouevres, no nothing. He wanted to save money and was perfectly serious. I wasn’t having it, thought it was absurd, and we fought over this constantly until we decided to have a destination wedding and eliminate food worries.

IMPOSSIBLE Maid/Matron of Honor

2) I only had a Maid/Matron of Honor and 1 bridesmaid, which you’d think would make for a relatively simple process. I was very no fuss at first, they could choose whatever style of dress suited them best; just in the shade of purple used for the wedding. My maid of honor, was my sister, who appeared to care very little about timelines. I had to nag her constantly to get her dress ordered, which was actually a two part ordeal. The first time she and my other bridesmaid decided that it would be best if they ordered their dresses from China. Okay – disclaimer, I have nothing against items manufactured in China, but I DO NOT RECOMMEND YOU BUY ANY WEDDING RELATED CLOTHES from China. NOT ONLY did the dress take forever to arrrive, but when it did, not only was it a color so far removed from purple that it looked like guts, the DESIGN of the dress was totally wrong!! It was a completely different dress. I don’t know what these people thought; maybe they were expecting we wouldn’t notice??? I had a fit, and made my sister insist on a refund.  The other bridesmaid wisely took note of the sight of my sister’s dress and the conniption I was having, and took a trip to New York and bought another dress. Good thing too, because when HER China made dress arrived, it did so with stains and was ALSO the wrong color (she purchased hers from a different online store than my sister btw). NOW, the round of nagging to get my MOH’s dress ordered began all over again, with more urgency because we now had less time. I was again ignored, until 2 months before the wedding.

With so little time left, she was reduced to off the rack selection, which was made damn near impossible because she isn’t one of those sizes you can easily find off the rack – all that we could find ranged from sizes 2 – 8 and she was a size 14. So she got mad at ME for taking her to stores where I allegedly “knew the dresses wouldn’t work”. I had another fit, and a shouting match ensued in the store, ending with my sister storming out. I refused to talk to her again after that and our parents had to step in because I had effectively kicked her out of the wedding.

FLAKY BEST MAN

3) The Best Man dropped out a month before the wedding with a horrible excuse about needing money to place a deposit on a condo. He never bought the condo, and still lives with his parents, two years after our wedding. I was so pissed that he was so flaky; he’d had a year’s notice and could have let us know sooner. Also, he himself had had a Destination Wedding and my hubby was one of the few people who made it down to the island. It also made me mad that I was more upset about the guy’s flakiness than my husband was. I felt like my husband didn’t care about the wedding very much.

LOST OFFICIANT

4) The Officiant dropped out – also about a month before the wedding due to family   issues.

 

TRAVEL MADNESS

My mom was travelling to Cuba from the Caribbean and her agent booked her a flight to Havana. Our wedding was in Santa Clara. Havana and Santa Clara are not close; they’re far enough apart that they require a domestic flight to travel in between them. My mother’s agent thought that all she’d need to do is take a cab from Havana to Santa Clara. I found out where my mother’s flight landed 2 days before the wedding. *Instant Headache* Luckily one of my friends was also vacationing in the same island my mom was traveling from and was attending the wedding – she made all the arrangements, including overnighting in Havana at a bed and breakfast and travel to Santa Clara the next day. Thank GOD for certain people – she literally saved my life.

 

FAMILY 

5) I had family turning up their noses at the thought of flying to Cuba – they wanted us to have a traditional wedding. Well, we were paying for this wedding ourselves and we both have large families. I didn’t see anyone coughing up any cash to do things the way THEY wanted, so whatever!  We also had folks we specifically didn’t want there, like an alcoholic uncle on my side, hence choosing a style of wedding where most would be unable to attend.  Word to the wise, never do this. The person you don’t want and don’t expect to show, WILL.  Of all the people who showed up at the all inclusive resort where liquor flows freely, guess who made it???My drunk uncle. I first realized he’d arrived when I caught sight of him grabbing one of the resort staff and asking “what time you start serving alcohol around here?” Ugh. *Face palm* All I could do was pray he didn’t screw up my day.

 

HAIR AND MAKE UP HORRORS

6) I had to choose between the photographer and a make-up artist/hair stylist to fly down with me to Cuba; we could only afford the airfare and rates of one. I chose the photographer. I didn’t trust the resort people to style me the way I wanted, and I didn’t want to look like a clown on my wedding day.  I also wouldn’t have a chance to really have a hair or make-up trial beforehand seeing as the venue was in another country, so thought I would save money by relying on a friend who would be attending. So, we did our little hair and make up trials before we left for Cuba and I thought I was good. I set foot in Cuba and my hair, just went POOF…exploded into frizz and dryness and it would not be tamed at all. On the day of the ceremony, my friend tested the curling iron on her own hair…and the voltage was so high, her hair burned right off in clumps. That sent me running across the room because there was no way she was coming near me with that thing. We finally got a dual voltage flat iron from another guest and my hair was done. They (stylist and bridesmaid and MOH) left me for a bit to get set up for the ceremony; the plan was that we’d get my make up done and I’d be laced up into my dress once the set up was complete. They came back, and my hair had morphed into something else, and I was standing on top of a chair screaming “this needs to get fixed NOW NOW NOW!!” We had 20 mins left before the ceremony. Hair was hastily done, make up hastily done. One false eyelash would not stay glued, and my friend put excess glue on to make it stay. Unfortunately the glue did not dry clear and I had this horrible white streak where the fake lash met my eyelid that did not blend in with anything else on my face.  The pics the photographer took of that “getting ready” part show LINES on my face I was so stressed. I was 30 mins to an hour late for the wedding.

 

SHADY PHOTOGRAPHER

Although he took some beautiful photos – we actually had 2 photoshoots so I was able to redeem the shots taken the day of the ceremony – our photographer promised us a coffee table album worth $700 which we paid for…and never got. We’re currently in court.

 

Overall; we were able to sort of roll with the punches and overcome the obstacles we encountered, and my alcoholic uncle actually behaved himself. We ended up having a great time, but I’m glad I was able to vent – the things that went wrong bugged me and my husband gets mad when I bring them up and says it seems like I’m ungrateful. It’s not that – you only get a chance to do this once!! I wanted everything to be perfect!  It’s only one day in the rest of your life though and seeing everyone sharing their own has really helped.

Post # 334
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Love this tread!!! Posting for later!

Post # 335
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

Posting to remember to read this later!

Post # 336
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Commenting to follow

Post # 337
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Thanks for all the personal stories bees! I hope the good memories eventually outshine the bad ones. 

Post # 338
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There were some minor things, but if we’re going for “Biggest Regret” well okay:

I regret the entire day whenever someone would tell me to eat something and put a granola bar in my hand, I ate it.  I wasn’t supposed to starve myself or collapse from hunger that evening, so surely this was what I was supposed to do, right?  I wasn’t even remotely hungry all day, but I had breakfast, lunch, and about 3 or 4 granola bars.  On top of all the stress from the day (I was freaking out about people staring at me and one of my BM’s threatened to tranq me) that left me with a stomach ache halfway through the reception.  So towards the end of the night I ended up heading off to the restroom and emptying the contents of my stomach.  Thankfully my Maid/Matron of Honor will be taking that with her to the grave, though I told DH about it and he still will occasionally tease me.

And because of that I missed having cake (the greatest tragedy of all).

So just because people keep telling you to eat something, don’t eat just because they’re telling you to.

Post # 339
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

There are some things I wished I had done differently, but regret may be too heavy of a word for me to use, haha. Anyways, here they are:

* Flowers *

Due to budget restraints, we ended up using all silk flowers, and I made the bouquets and bouts. They turned out very well, in my opinion, but there are times when I wished I had just splurged a little and done real ones. But oh well, I can keep my bouquet proudly displayed in our China hutch, whereas a live flowers would either be in the freezer or trashed.

* Photographers *

We had one photographer, and she did a wonderful job with everything, even going so far as to come in two hours earlier than she had planned, not charging us for it, and giving us all of the photos on discs. However, I sometimes wish I had asked one of my mom’s friends, who is also the pastor’s wife, if she would take photos too, because there was just no way humanly possible for our one photographer to capture everything happening all at once.

I also wish I had given her a more thourough list of posed shots to take, but that was my fault, as I had consulted both her list and mine, and we still ended up missing some, like just of myself, just my husband, etc. inside of the church (did get some good ones later on with our outside shots). There also aren’t any pictures of my husband and I with both the RBs and Flower Girl, just one of me and the Flower Girl and him and the RBs.

* Rehearsal *

We kind of just winged it for the rehearsal the night before, which so showed through the next day with my BMs practically running down the aisle, therefore meaning the photographer wasn’t able to get any good/useable shots of them. I don’t know if they got nervous or what, but we should have practiced walking in some more.

* Who we invited *

There were not many, if any, of my husband’s friends there, save our mutual work friends. Whenever I asked him if he wanted to invite specific ones, he would just say no, and that was that. In hindsight, I should have just taken it upon myself to invite them anyways, so they could have shared in our day.

Also at the time, my Mother-In-Law and her husband were separating pending divorce, so we didn’t invite his step-father and siblings, even though I had been friends with his step-sister long before we ever met. So instead, Mother-In-Law brought her then-boyfriend and his daughter, no big deal. As luck would have it, two months later Mother-In-Law and husband got back together, so I feel semi-bad about them not being at our wedding.

* Weight *

I loved my dress and it fit me well, but I wished that I had worked on slimming down some before the big day. I had put on quite a few pounds, but I guess I was more concerned with other aspects than with myself, same with my husband. I didn’t want to do anything crazy like lose fifty pounds, but even if I had just toned up a bit!

 

So there they are. Of course, nothing I can do to change them now, and I loved my wedding all the same!

Post # 340
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2007

My only regret was not having a better videographer film our wedding. The man that set up his camera set it up on the side of the church where *of course* my bridesmaids were standing. All you can see is the back of them, me and the front of DH. Oh, and he hummed throughout the music. He was older, and I know he didn’t know any of my contemporary songs; nonetheless, he hummed his little heart out.

Everything else was wonderful. My mom did all of the decorations in the church, and my aunt and great aunt decorated the reception hall. It was gorgeous! I was so happy with it- it was all DIY and turned out beautifully! (Fortunately, my Mom is a saint and planned the entire wedding, with input from me on things I liked- she did an amazing job!) 

I was relaxed the whole day, which was a big plus. DH and I got to just laugh and enjoy each other, which is exactly how I pictured it. I wish our photographer had gotten less ‘posed’ pictures and more of us being ourselves, but they all turned out beautiful so I can’t complain. I was SUPER nervous walking down the aisle though, and almost tripped on my dress. Fortunately, I caught myself and I don’t think anyone noticed. 

Our food was AMAZING, as well. We got it catered at $10/person and had 3 types of shrimp, 2 types of chicken, pasta, jambalaya, rolls, salad, tea, punch, and water. We had 100 guests and had tons of food left over afterward, so everyone got to take a to-go plate! Our cakes were gorgeous as well, and exactly what I’d envisioned.

I didn’t stress out about anything; I let everything happen as it was going to, and I think that’s a big part of why I didn’t notice any ‘flaws’. We had fun, and it was one of the best days of my life! 

My best advice is: don’t stress out (too much). Something is undoubtedly going to go awry, but you have to take it as it comes and laugh it off. It won’t be a huge deal 5 years down the road, so don’t consume yourself with it the day of. 

Post # 341
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I love this thread!

ETA: I’m pretty laid back with my vendors. I hope it doesn’t come back to bite me Embarassed (I am making sure everything I need is in the contracts though)

Post # 342
Member
12 posts
Newbee

My biggest regret was getting married one month after my best friend did. every thing was overshadowed by her from the engagement to bridal shower to bachlorette party. If I could do it again I would have wait at least six months. 

Post # 343
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

WOW…somehow I missed this thread when planning my wedding. Almost a year later and not one single day goes by that I don’t think about my regrets. It helps to know that I’m not alone with my feelings.  Here goes:

My main and biggest regret is not fighting harder for the destination wedding that I had dreamed about, already started planning and put deposits on and was forced to cancel. After getting his parents okay to plan a destination wedding (I was peeved that we had to check with them in the first place) and sending out Save the Dates, they put up a big fuss about traveling to St. Thomas and closing their business.  Long and short of it was that his mother didn’t want him to marry me (cultural reasons read my past posts) and this was an excuse.  I saw through it but he didn’t until it was too late. So we had to cancel and postpone the wedding by a year and I paid for a wedding I didn’t want locally. I lost $1100 that they were supposed to reimburse me for and never did but they paid for our honeymoon so I just mentally subtract $1100 from that. It still irks me though. 

Pictures: I provided a list to the photographer but was so focused on making sure DH got his family pics and pics with his groomsmen, I skimped on MY part of the list. Super mad at myself.  Haven’t really been able to look at my pics in the last year because they are not of the wedding I wanted. It pisses me off to see all of the pics of his family looking so happy when they didn’t want us to get married in the first place.

I didn’t get a picture with my dad.  He didn’t walk me down the aisle by my choice. We have group family shots with my DH and both families and each respective family and even DH with my dad but NONE of me and my dad.  Not sure where I disappeared to that DH and my dad got a shot but it was right after the group family shots. My photographer had to photoshop it.

Didn’t get a formal pic of me and my matron of honor who was my only bridesmaid. Another photoshop effort by my photographer.

Each photoshop version looks fantastic and just as if they had been taken the day of the wedding. Nothing against the photographer the pictures are great, they are just not what I envisoned.  I wanted beach, waves, palm trees and blue water, not the Chespaeake Bay. So I’m not IN LOVE with my pictures.

Not getting a videographer. It just wasn’t in the budget.  I skimped in so many places and still spent so much. With the many iphones that were in attendance, no one taped our ceremony. I didn’t get to see anyone walk in or hear how the music sounded.

VERY MINOR: I wanted my chair sashes to alternate by chair not by table as it was done by the vendor, but I lived with it.  The room still looked great.

Granted I had a blast at my wedding.  The weather was beyond perfect after I worried myself sick looking at long range forecasts.  It rained the night before but it cleared up by 7am the morning of the wedidng. We were able to have it outdoors in a gazebo overlooking the water, I danced all night long because the DJ was easily the best DJ EVER, went to every table, ate great food, gave a fantastic thank you speech, and partied after the wedding with my friends and sang karaoke at the bar. It was a great day and night but those things still bother me.

DH knows i want a vow renewal in St. Thomas in the near future and is onboard with it. I don’t complain about it every day or even let on that I think about it everyday but he knows that it bothers me how everything went down.

Oh I’m also no spring chicken (pushing 40) and i had fibroid removal surgery in Dec 2010 timed for the 2011 Destination Wedding wedding.  So  I worry that the year we wasted planning the wedding I didn’t want to have here, will come to bite me in the butt when it comes time to have kids.

Weddingbee saved my sanity during planning so hopefully it will save my sanity again.

Post # 344
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

Great board! Thanks for sharing everyone!

Post # 345
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@randombee:  well, now i know, reasearch ALOT of photographers, and don’t have a family friend do them, lol!!!

Post # 346
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My wedding was wonderful, everything went as planned. But if I could do it all over again, I would choose a different venue. I didn’t have a lot of money (my whole wedding costs me $5000 (and I mean everything included)) so I opted for a recreational hall… which was a white canvas. All the decor I had wasn’t enough to make it pretty… so there are lots of white walls on my photos. Oh well, I think it’s better than some other color not matching my turquoise and magenta details.

 

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