Post # 1
I posted a few weeks ago about FI’s cousin wanting to get married at the same desitination (India) as me. She is having a wedding in India and a church wedding in the US.
After all your very helpful responses I decided that though I was initially upset just in general, I would feel okay if she had her wedding after mine, not before.
Our date was soon to be finialized for sure (we got oral but not written confirmation from residency programs) but she chose to set hers before we could actually get it confirmed, even though I requested she wait just two more weeks (weddings are in Dec 08 around Christmas so there is no rush).
She has picked the week before mine and did not call me to tell me just sent a passive aggressive email. I’m SOOOOO upset right now and I could use some support.
Now immediate family people will not be coming to help early for mine which we need since we don’t have much family to plan this desination wedding and it doesn’t work like other destinations there are no off-shore planners we can consult easily with. I was planning on going 2 weeks early and getting help from FI’s family to make all arrangements. Anyway, I know some bees will think, who cares, but if you see how I feel please post. . .
Miss Indian Bride
Post # 3
Oh dear. And you can tell that she knows she has done a bad, bad thing from the cowardly email. Isn’t karma originally an Indian concept? I do actually believe that eventually the universe evens things up. People who do petty and rotten things don’t end up catastrophically mashed in the road, but they do often end up unhappy and disliked. And that’s good enough for me.
I am wondering about your family whom you need to help. I guess from your last post that your cousin’s festivities will be continuing throughout the week, perhaps up until yours? Is that why you won’t get the help you need? I would start your campaign now – with everybody who you anticipated would help – and let them know how much you really appreciate that help, and how really grateful you are, especially now that it means they will have to sacrifice some of the later of your cousin’s festivities, but you really can’t do it without them… etc, etc. You get the point I am sure. Some people will go and party rather than helping out, but I am sure that some will realize that she has done a rather rotten thing, and will (I hope) come through for you. Try not to be too satisfied at the thought that you are taking people away from her festivities, as there is still that karma thing out there waiting for you. I know it seems awful now, but (cross my fingers) most people are basically good, and I’m sure enough will come through for you to make it a wonderful event.
And you can wait to email her back – maybe for a long time – because you know you don’t want to say anything you will regret – and also because (see, I’m bad too) the longer you wait the more convinced she will be that she is horrible and rotten and has done something truly unforgiveable.
Post # 4
oh my gosh. i’m so sorry. i can’t imagine how stressful the situation is. Is there anyway you can set your date a week ahead of hers then? That way you can go early and ppl. will be around to help? Or did you already book your date?
What a mess. hang in there!
Post # 5
Awww…I think you have every right to be upset. But please keep in mind, that your cousin probably had limited dates to choose from as well and felt the need to lock down a date/venue since this would also be a destination wedding for her. And speaking on behalf of every bride (former or to-be), I think most of us feel stressed and pressure until venues and dates are finalized. I don’t think your FI’s cousin meant to upstage you although it does suck that the date is 1 week before yours. Can you send out Save-The-Date Cards way before hers so that people plan ahead to definitely attend your wedding?