(Closed) Please, someone tell me I'm not crazy..

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m going to be the lone dissenting voice here, but I think if he can find somewhere within a half-hour of town, you should let him have a guys weekend (two days, ONE night only though). There’s a possibility that this is the one thing that he really, really wanted that he didn’t get to have. It’ll be harder for him to get away once you have a toddler AND a newborn, and that’s might be why he wants to do this now. It’s dumb to call it a “bachelor party” but tons of married men and fathers have guys’ weekends, just like married women and mom have girls’ weekends. I don’t think you’re being crazy at all, but I still think you guys can probably reach a compromise.

Post # 18
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

He’s probably seeing it as, this is my last chance to have a big weekend before the baby comes. I would let him go.

Post # 19
Member
11481 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Ninteenthchance:  A married man with a toddler, and a wife who is seven months pregnant, is not entitled to a wild, bachelor party weekend, two hours away from home, with his buddies.  You most definitely are not crazy.

Post # 20
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Ninteenthchance:  Ugh, you’re not crazy, I’d be pretty upset too. But I kind of get his point too – he’s an adult and doesn’t appreciate people, not even his wife, telling him “no, you can’t do this” – not even when you’re 100% right! 

So how about you approach this differently? “Honey, I would like you to have fun with your friends because you never had a chance to have your bachelor party but I’m worried I’ll go into labor/something else will go wrong while you’re away and you won’t be able to get to me in time. So how about a guys’ night at the local bar?” 

If he agrees to that, maybe you could show your appreciation by arranging for a surprise for him and his friends, like have pizza delivered there or something?  

Post # 21
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

People go into labor early all the time. I don’t know what your support network looks like but it is not unreasonable to be worried about going into labor early and not knowing what to do with your two year old while husband is off in the woods somewhere. Would everything be fine? Probably. But you never know. He needs to play it closer to home until baby is born, like a guy’s night dinner/sports bar/whatever. Then after newborn craziness maybe take an overnight trip. I think if you talk to him calmly he’ll realize what you’re asking is a normal request. He probably just got all excited talking about cabins with his friends and felt like you rained on his parade. 

Post # 22
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If he called it a “dude’s trip” it would be perfectly fine (sort of), but to say it’s a bachelor party denotes that he wants to (for some reason) re-live his single days and make his last stand as a single guy. It’s weird.

He is being really inconsiderate to his family’s needs… maybe he can push the “guy trip” off for a few months, until his baby is born and his family settles down a bit more?? I mean, you work on weekends, so who’s going to watch the 2-yr-old? 
This trip is asking a LOT of his very pregnant wife.

Post # 23
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree that he shouldnt be too far away in case something happens – but I do not agree with telling him he can’t go – this will just create resentment.  He probably feels like this is the last time he will be able to do something like this, since you are going to have another child soon. 

Post # 24
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t think you’re crazy, but I don’t think he is either for wanting a weekend away with the guys in celebration of his marriage.

You only had a one month engagement, and from the sounds of it, things have been pretty crazy lately. I can’t imagine that there would’ve been time for a “bachelor party” in the past two months just because it was Christmas time, you’re pregnant, your parents moved, you were engaged, you got married, you planned a wedding, your brother passed away, etc. This may be the unpopular opinion, but despite you being pregnant with a toddler, I think your husband deserves a weekend with his buddies. I also think you do, so you might consider this option:

Your husband goes with his friends on the trip. Make sure it’s not too close to your due date, because you don’t want to go into labour while he’s away. But at 7 months, I don’t think you’ll be having that baby any time in the next month and a half. See if your parents who just moved can take your toddler for the same weekend. I’m sure they miss their grandchild, and then you don’t have to deal with a pregnancy and a toddler. While your husband and child are away for their own weekend, have some girlfriends over and have a weekend just for you!

Post # 25
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, I don’t see what the issue is. It’s a little odd he’s calling it a bachelor party, but all it is is a guys weekend trip. It’s 2 hours away, if you went into labor (which is a HUGE IF) it is highly likely he would be able to get home in time.  I’m 35 weeks pregnant and would have no issue with my husband doing this in the next 2-3 weeks personally, but that’s just me.  

Post # 26
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think a cabin with friends doesn’t sound as wild as a bar hopping, strip club, naked women bachelor party sounds.  If he can find a closer cabin, I’d let him go.  And let him know after the baby arrives and you need a girls weekend away, he’ll be Mr. Mom.

 

Post # 27
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can see your point on one hand but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.  You’re 7 mos, not 8 or 9.  It’s 2 days and I’m assuming he still goes to work?  I do think it’s weird to have it after, but since there was no time before.. meh.   Maybe you could have a friend come spend the weekend with you, to make you feel better, company or just for a fun weekend. 

Post # 28
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think 2 nights is a bit excessive but a guys night for one night in a cabin isnt a big deal. At 7 months its early enough that it shouldnt be a problem and 2 hours isnt so far that he coukdnt get back if necessary

I would invite some friends round, or see if someone can baby sit while you have a prenatal massage or a pedicure

 I  personally told my husband i dont want him drinking after 37 weeks so hes sober enough to get m3 to hospital. Once a week he has to go for work 4 hours away so i do understand its stressful not having him close (im 38 weeks). Calling it a bachelor party rather than guys night is obnoxious though

Post # 29
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Ninteenthchance:  Holy moly, love, my Darling Husband wouldn’t even think about going over 2 hours away for a guy’s weekend, especially if we had a 2 year old on top of me being pregnant. I would have put my foot down as well.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with him wanting to have a guy’s weekend, but he needs to have it closer, and he needs to make sure it is convenient for you as well–that you can get someone to help out if needed or whatever.

But to call it a bachelor party weekend? No. He’s not a bachelor anymore. If anything, he should be taking his pregnant wife on a damn babymoon IMO.

Post # 30
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Ninteenthchance:  he’s asking for a bit much. i mean, going out for dinner and drinks with the guys would be a better option. perhaps you can present this as an alternative. it can be more of a celebratory get together and less of a bachelor party. i mean, life comes at you fast. sorry he missed out on having his time to celebrate as a bachelor but that’s life. he really needs to be mature about it.

Post # 31
Member
9823 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well I don’t think he should have a “bachelor weekend,” since he’s not a bacheor anymore.  Nor do I think they should be doing bachelor activities like strippers, but a weekend at a cabin doesn’t really sound like that’s what they’re doing.

I wouldn’t really have a problem with him taking a weekend to have a guys trip.  If you’re having a difficult or risky pregnancy I would ask him to delay it for awhile but if you’re having a normal pregnancy I wouldn’t mind at 7 months.  Once I get under a month of my due date I don’t think I’d want him leaving too far away but I’d be okay without him for 2 days at 7 months.

We all need some time apart so I would expect to be able to do the same (have a girls weekend away and he gets to take care of the kids the whole time!)

Can he compromise and have a weekend out somewhere closer instead?

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