Post # 1
I need to know that I am not the only one with a Fiance that really has NOTHING to do with our wedding planning. He doesnt care about all the little things, he just cares about getting there on time that day and thats it. Do any of you other brides feel like you are planning some “event” of your own and not a wedding for the TWO of you? He makes me feel like this is “my” thing if I need ribbon at night because I ran out in the midde of a project I have to go get it, why in the world would he do it because he doesnt care if there is ribbon on the vases? Tonight we had to go listen to our live music one last time before the big day (Its this Friday!) and he KNEW that we had to do this sometime this week, but when I called him and told him that we had to be there at 7:30 he did EVERYTHING he could to get out of it. “Cant you just go?” … “YOU can decide if you like it”…. “Do we have to go?” Seriously. Am I crazy to think that he should CARE what our live music sounds like? He seriously wanted me to go listen ALONE, I was so mad. I know if I would have went on my own I would have been crying the whole way there. Am I the only bride who feels like we should be enjoying all of these moments TOGETHER? I mean c’mon, this only happens once, I think 20 years down the road he’ll wish he cared more, or soaked up these little moments more. Am I wrong? How can he NOT want to be involved? Seriously the extent of what he has done for this wedding is go and pick up his tux yesterday and go with me tonight to listen to the live music. Is this how all fiance’s act? Please help me here! Its so hard to explain my side of things to him, I am soooo frustrated I can barely stand it anymore. I have so many things on my mind at one time its killing me! I have had a really, really hard time sleeping for the past month and a half and most week days I am running on just a few hours of sleep at work because I lay awake at night tossing and turning thinking about wedding details and the to-do lists….etc. Im sort of one of those brides who really has no help. No mother, Future Mother-In-Law is irritating me, grandma has helped a little but she is so hard to deal with, NO help from bridesmaids at all, and my sister (MOH) has helped with all that she can but she is a new mommy and is SO busy with just starting back at work recently too. So its really hard doing this all on my own, and then not even having the help of the person who “loves me, and cares about me the most” not to mention he LIVES with me, he can help 24/7 but he doesnt! Im just at my wits end honestly and i dont know what to do, I dont know if I can make it to Friday like this! I someone to either tell me that im crazy and all men are like this when it comes to weddings, or I need some advice on getting him to see my point of view and get him to help. Im stressed out to the maximum and its making my wedding more of a job than a WEDDING.
Post # 3
((HUGS)) most guys are like this and then when they voice their opinions it’s about the most absurd thing, it’s quite strange… is it in your budget to hire someone to help? you don’t want to be so stressed out on your wedding day that you can’t enjoy it
Post # 4
Well the wedding is this Friday so at this point it is useless to hire someone. Its not so much the “day of” things that I care about because at that point it wont matter so much…its just the fact that I want him to WANT to be involved in our wedding and it makes me sad that he doesnt want to be involved. I know he wants to marry me, that isnt a question…its just that I dont see how he doesnt care about all the things involved in our wedding, i guess im just a woman and i wont understand but I wanted him to be involved and help me when I needed it 🙁
Post # 5
Mine hardly helped a lick. It was almost easier that way….he likes things i don’t like and then he’d ask me why bother asking him if i’d do it my way anyways! ha, good point, right?
Only one more week! He honestly probably doesn’t care about the little things–guys brains don’t work like that. I bet he’s proud of you for taking care of it all! =]
Post # 6
My Fi is the same way, he’s had an opinion on very few things outside of the food. I’ve yelled at him twice in the past few months about it, he understands now what goes into it, and sympathizes with me and has put more of a voice into the wedding. Luckily my BFs and sister have been a big help, and I will have 2 DOCs the day of. I told him that since I’m doing most of the work and put in the same or more money for the wedding that he has, he has to pay for the honeymoon, and he’s ok with that so I feel a lot better now!!
Talk with him, tell him how you feel and why you get so frustrated. Tell him that he’s sposed to care dammit, and if not can he please pretend until Friday is over? Explain to him that you want to experience this with him, and if he just lets go he might actually enjoy it.
Some guys don’t want their friends to see them in that state of caring about something as ridiculous as a wedding
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown
Yes my man’s the same way. He doesn’t care but I still plan with him in mind. I’ve had a talk with him so he’ll at least show some enthusiasm to humor me but that’s about it. He has confidence in me. It’s kind of annoying sometime because I want to be doing some of this together but it’s not his thing so I can’t really blame him.
Since you’re getting married this week I really wouldn’t worry about it at this point. Good luck on your big day!
Post # 8
I didn’t get any help eitehr. But my man was Out of Town. But even if he was around, he wouldn’t have cared. For me I was OK with it. I really wanted to take charge. If you sat and thought about it, I bet there are worse things. Like having to fight with your Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law or whomever about every little thing.
I think the bigger problem is that you seem to be able to lean on no one. If you had a little help, you wouldn’t be so hard on him. Of course I think you’re probably thinking, since you don’t have any other help, he could come to your rescue and pitch in. Unfortunately that isn’t even on his radar. You’re right, It’s too close to the wedding to worry about it now. And non, I don’t beleive in 10 years he’ll regret staying so indifferent to the wedding. He’s interested in one thing, being married to you. 🙂 Have a beautiful day. Just try to enjoy it now. best wishes.
Post # 9
My boyfriend has already said that he’s going to be like that. He doesn’t like weddings, though he loves the idea of being married to me (that’s what he said! So cute) so I basically get to do whatever I want and he won’t care. I’ll still ask his opinion and he’ll have one, but the whole day doesn’t really matter, just the days after.
Post # 10
Mine was completely clueless and didn’t seem to care until I had my first melt-down. After that, he understood that half the battle was caring, even if he just pretended to care! And for me, it helped a lot. This week you’ll need his support, even if it’s fake “the flowers are the perfect shade of pink”.
Good Luck, and enjoy it!
Post # 11
My Fiance is about 1% involved in our Canadian wedding planning. Basically I organize and decide everything…tell him…and get him to nod his head so he is updated. I would love to plan together…but he has never been to a Western wedding and really has no concept of anything that happens. Even cake tasting was difficult for him…and really…who doesn’t like to eat free cake? But what I’ve come to understand is that there is a huge difference between a wedding and a marriage. In our marriage we will plan and make decisions together, but it won’t be about linen colours, seating charts and processional music. If he’s not into those kind of decisions, I can understand that.
As to the lack of real practical help you have with this wedding, I’m so so sorry. This should be a joyful time for you. Since you are so close to the wedding, can you give him jobs to do? Not decisions or making things, but jobs to pick up things from vendors etc? Or at least he needs to give you a massage or a make you dinner or do things in his own way to make you less stressed out. Do you have any coworkers or neighbours that you can go to and say ‘PLEASE help me with this specific thing…I feel like I’m going crazy?’ People will often help if you give them a specific job and they see that you honestly need a little help.
I hope you can enjoy the last few days before your big day.
Post # 12
I am SO with you! My fiance says “I don’t care” whenever I ask him if he likes this or that about the wedding. He says he just wants to show up. The funny part is, that when I make a decision (like, I wanted the ceremony/reception on a Sunday morning/early afternoon), he says “WHAT!? No, has to be a Saturday night so my friends can come and party.” Oh, ok… Mr. “I don’t care.” 🙂 Trust me, you aren’t alone! 🙂
Post # 13
My FH takes interest in the occasional thing but mostly it’s all me. What I have found though is that sometimes I will start talking wedding and he’ll say ‘not right now I’m relaxing can we talk about it later’ which really annoys me!
Post # 14
I told my Fiance he would have to help out. He has been so helpful so far, but he is the more organized one who keeps everything sorted. He gathers so much wonderful information and then we discuss and decided together. I think it has helped build our relationship even more.
Post # 15
I have a rare breed… My fiance is very interested in everything we are doing, even comes up with his own ideas for me~ (certain things he was fine if I did them alone, like choosing a photog and dj…) I guess this is something that you will have to learn to kind of “live with” about your fiance, especially at this point in your planning. Everyone has their shortcomings. My fiance is really caring about our reception, ceremony, and certain details, but he’s not the type to send me flowers all the time or give me loads of compliments and we don’t celebrate our yearly-dating anniversary, by his choosing (it would be 5 this Jan) But I’ve learned that he shows his feelings to me in other ways. It doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t wish for the flower man to have a box with my name on it, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m not a fairytale to deal with either! And he far surpasses my expectations on so many other levels.
I guess as women we learn how to read between the lines. Maybe your fiance honestly just feels inadequate at helping you or like you do such a good job, he’s intimidated to step in. Or he simply trusts your judgement. Smile and get married and enjoy your honeymoon:)
Post # 16
I’m sorry that you are so upset and overwhelmed. Hopefully everyone’s posts help you feel a little better knowing that you are not completely alone. My fiance has “jokingly” stated that his only job is to show up on the wedding day and say “I do.” At first it bothered me, especially since I originally wanted to elope and we didn’t because his family was upset about that. But once he started commenting on expenses and what he thought would not look good or what he would prefer, that was a bother too. I have an idea of what I want and I’d rather do most of it on my own, at least the decision making. Now I just tell him what I want and he says what ever I want is fine as long as it’s within the budget and he doesn’t have to see me unhappy about it. However, every now and then I drag him to craft stores to look at things or show him pictures online of what I want. I tell him I just want company and for him to nod and acknowledge. I guess that’s just the difference between most brides and grooms. I hope you can manage to move past this and enjoy your wedding day, for your sake.