(Closed) Please tell me I did the right thing

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Sweetie, you’re in such a difficult situation. I think that you made the choice that felt the best for you, your Fiance, your mom, your whole family. You know your mom the best, you know your situation the best, and I am very very incredibly sorry you are going through that, and I will keep you and your mom in prayers. I’m sure you are all aware how difficult your situation is and that anything can happen at any moment. I hope your mom gets all the treatment and I hope she will do the best she can, and I definitely hope she will live to November AND more. But even if your mom dies, it doesn’t mean you chose wrong by not moving the wedding up, especially because this is what you and your mom want. That what matters. I hope you and your mom have all the support in the world, and I truly wish you all the best. 

Post # 3
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

There is no way to know what is going t happen with your mom and when. No matter what, I think that the best thing to do is follow your instinct and do what your heart tells you. It sounds like you feel the right thing is to not move the wedding, and your mom agrees. You also have a B plan that sounds like a very good idea. Have a small ceremony if need be, then have the planned wedding in November.

I think maybe the best thing to do is follow the plans you feel are right, embrace all the time that you have with you mom no matter what you are doing. I think you are doing the right thing my following your heart.

Post # 4
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so so sorry honey.  All I can tell you is that I’ve worked in hospice care for years and I’ve seen a great many people keep up the fight for a special occasion.  The birth of a baby, a visit from a family member, a wedding, whatever it is, I’ve seen a lot of people hang on for that.  It sounds like your mom’s a warrior and that she wants to fight for this so I think you made the best decision to let her.  Hugs from afar.

Post # 5
Member
2101 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’m sorry about your mom. Cancer is an unpredictable and heartless bitch. Doctors can give patients a timeline of a few months and they can live for years, they can give them a timeline of years and live for few months. It’s a horrible disease. There is no right or wrong when dealing with cancer, there is just what feels right for you. You have done what felt right for you. Your mom is happy you’ve made that decision, as is your step father. Will power can be stronger than a doctors diagnosis, plus you have a plan B (if needed). You’ve done what felt right and that’s all anyone can do.

Post # 6
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You did the right thing. You’re right, it would feel like a death party. I’m sorry your going through this.

Post # 7
Member
4053 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I just want to expressed how sad I am to hear about your moms illness and that you are faced with such a difficult dilemma. As PP mentioned, there is no way of telling what will happen. I think The decision you made is what is best for you and your family. It’s also good that you have a plan B lined up and ready at a moments notice. I will be praying for your mom and hoping for the best.

fwiw positivity goes a LONG way. There were many times my Future Father-In-Law was faced with serious complications and problems and being positive is literally the only way to be, I believe it is part of the reason why he is still here…Good vibes seem to garner good results. No matter what, keep a positive outcome in your hearts and minds at all times.

Post # 8
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

There is no right or wrong thing.  You have made the best decision you can for your family.  I am praying your mom will be able to be there and enjoy your wedding.  But even if not, it sounds like you are preserving the journey for her, which is what she wanted.  You are keeping cancer out of the planning, and it sounds like planning with you is a bright spot for her.  And who knows, maybe your positivity and expectations of her being still healthy in November will give her a little extra strength to fight.  Good luck, and prayers for all of you.

Post # 9
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

There is no right or wrong here, there is only right for you, and that’s what you did. I’m sorry about your mom. Wishing the best for you and your family. Your post should be a reminder to all of us worrying about dumb wedding drama what really matters.

Post # 10
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I worked in hospice care for 13 years and there is no right or wrong in your situation. People don’t have an “expire” date stamped on their forehead and doctors often are just offering a best guess. But the human will is strong. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people hold out for babies being born, milestone anniversaries and weddings. I really hope your mom is able to attend your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

musket87 :  I don’t have any advice to offer, because I’m not sure how I would have handled it either, but I think you did the right thing. You story prompted me to tears. I can’t imagine how difficult of a time this must be for you. I truly hope your mother is there for you on your wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

The mind is an amazing thing – if she knows she has to be here for November for your wedding, she’ll be here. If you had moved the wedding to October or September, she would have known that the doctors told you her time was very short – and it might have actually pushed her into depression and a quicker death.  There are a lot of published cases of people who doctors expect to be dead holding out until a wedding, or birth of their first grandchild, or a special birthday (like 100th birthday)… the human mind is an amazing thing – if she has a special date to focus on, she’ll make it until then.

You did the right thing.

Post # 13
Member
3754 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

musket87 :  Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way! I hope your mom will do better than expected, and of course, be there for your wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am so very sorry you, your mom and your family is faced with this. I have worked in cancer treatment for many, many years. Reading this made me sob. As the PP said, you never know. I have seen many situations where people just kept going for a much longer than anyone would have ever thought possible, especially if there is a particular milestone or event. Where there is a will there can often be a way. For what it is worth, I think not changing the wedding did a whole lot for your mom. She is going to keep fighting to attend this wedding just as she planned. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated. 

Post # 15
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am so sorry for what you, your mom, and your family are going through. There is no “right thing” or manual for this type of situation – just what’s best for you and your family. If your mom’s immediate reaction was that’s what she’d hoped you’d do, then absolutely yes, you did the right thing. I agree that human willpower/positivity is such a strong factor. My grandmother is also declining and my mom believes she is hanging on for my wedding this fall.

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