Post # 1
ok – so i KNOW there’s no actual etiquette rule about this…but my sil – who i am honestly not a big fan of due to the fact that there’s a lot of family drama surrounding her and more’n likely will be AT the wedding and as much as i don’t want it to be at MY wedding – she needs someone in the family to tell her how horrible she’s being (with the drama stuff…)
so anyways – thing is – she’s trying to be my buddy-buddy even though she lives in a completely different state – and I’m NOT being mean to her at all – I’m very courteous and nice when she calls – but I don’t like the fact that she IS trying to be all buddy buddy to me when she’s really NOT nice to her own family…
anyways. she emailed me and asked me what my colors are. I told her orange and brown – showed her my projjectwedding page and all that – i’m TRYING to be nice and include her in on some stuff.
then she emails me and asks “would it be appropriate for me to wear orange or brown to your wedding?” and she showed me the dress (online) which don’t get me wrong – it’s a nice dress – but HONESTLY I don’t want anyone to really match my colors EXCEPT for the wedding party – it’s just a thing. I would say this to any friend who asked as well. So I responded and said “well, etiquette wise, it’s probably not a good idea – but there are so many beautiful dresses out there i’m sure you’ll be able to find that look great and flatter you!”
my Maid/Matron of Honor thinks i need not to care about it and should be happy that she wants to be included…but I don’t know – I’m more bitter over the fact of how she treats her own family and expects to be buddy-buddy to me. (i’ve posted before but long story short – she moved away 10 years ago while their mom was in the hospital and didn’t even TELL her mom until after she was gone…and hasn’t been home since to see anyone – except for a few months ago when she came home for their father’s mom’s funeral and didn’t even go see or call their mom – who was again in the hospital. and as far as I know, she and their mom were always close and there’s NO reason for her to be like this).
so – anyways, it’s a small petty thing – but no i don’t want her to wear an orange or especially a brown dress (color of bm’s).
i know i’ll get some responses agreeing with my Maid/Matron of Honor but i’m just curious anyone else who agrees that it’s almost sorta rude – KNOWING what the colors are to show up in a dress the color of the wedding…
Post # 3
I agree! I’ve been thinking about this myself and it would just really annoy me.
Post # 4
I think it’s perfectly fine that you requested politely that you prefer she finds another outstanding gown. Did she agree to that? If she does show up in your colors, well, there isn’t much you can do about that. Just don’t allow her to bother you.
Now with the other situation about her being buddy-buddy with you. I have no idea what her family backround is like, and from your post, I’m not sure you know the ENTIRE backround either. She may just need another female companion to feel close with. Perhaps she and her mother had some sort of fall out that you are not aware of.
My SO is no way close to his family at all. Not really even on talking terms and they all live in the same town. I think it’s really great that my brothers and my sister have really accepted him and made him feel like apart of this family
The way I see it is, you can’t ever have too many friends
Post # 5
I don’t think you get to dictate what your guests wear to the wedding. But, she did ask for your opinion and you gave it. I wouldn’t worry about it, if anything she should feel embarrassed for matching the bridesmaids. At least she didn’t ask to wear white!
Post # 6
Aside from the buddy buddy issue, I think it’s ok that you politely told her, but if she shows up in those colors, really, what are you going to do? I think you have to let that one go.
And the buddy buddy thing… you don’t know her entire family dynamic, you don’t know what life was like for her growing up, i’d just chill on making judgments on her. She might not be a great person, but I kind of lean towards the side that only God can judge us. Maybe she is really trying now to get to be close to you because she likes you!
Post # 7
I think I agree with your Maid/Matron of Honor. It really is such a small thing, and I don’t think it’s rude. I am not a fan of people wearing white, but I don’t think I would even notice if someone came in the wedding colors. There is the mindset in some areas that you’re actually supposed to wear the colors.
I think you’re biased because you dislike her, and I can’t fault you for that. That’s human nature. You’re allowed to be a annoyed by it if it’s how you feel, but I don’t think it’s worth rocking the boat to say anything. If she’s high drama, it has huge potential to backfire.
Post # 8
I agree with both of you kind of….
On one hand, I don’t think it’s a big deal if any guest shows up wearing the same colour as the wedding party.
On the other, I kinda get the feeling that if she did, it would be totally on purpose, which is annoying. Kinda like she’s trying to worm her way in, and make it look like she’s more included than she is.
Post # 9
I don’t think there is anything wrong with guests matching your wedding colors, but that is just my opinion. Like Mermaid said, where I am from it is actually considered appropriate to wear the colors. If it bothers you, then I think you handled it really well how you told her.
Post # 10
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it. She asked your opinion, you gave it, now I’d let it drop.
Post # 11
I agree with the drop it part. You have bigger things to worry about. But if she does come in either of those colors, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. (Unless she plans on wearing a fancy Bridesmaid or Best Man dress 😉
Post # 12
Since she made a point to ask you if it would be appropriate, I think it is fine that you gave your opinion. Also, since she left the decision up to you, I think it is fair for you to be able to say no. Your response was polite and diplomatic, I don’t think it is a problem.