Post # 1
I never thought planning my wedding would be so complicated, but, now, almost every ceremony/reception detail is set. Next, I must address my wedding party with what I expect from them.This brings me to my latest issue. My plus size bridesmaid from FH’s family who is notorious for refusing to shave her legs and arm pits, and for wearing form fitting formal clothing without a girdle (body shaper). I plan to demand that she shave and girdle up like all of the other bridesmaid plan to do. If she refuses, then I plan to offer her the post of a door greeter.
What do you think? What would you do?
RECENTLY ADDED- SHE WAS ASKED TO BE IN THE WEDDING AS A FAVOR TO THE GROOM. I’M NOT ASKING HER TO LOOK SMALLER, BUT TO AT LEAST WEAR SOMETHING TO HOLD HER IN PLACE AND HIDE THE 6 INCH SHADOW AROUND HER BELLY BUTTON THAT WAS VISIBLE THE LAST TIME SHE GOT DRESSED UP IN SATIN AND TOOK PICS.
ALSO, I SAY “DEMAND” BECAUSE SHE IS VERY HEAD STRONG.
Post # 3
maybe you should try asking her nicely to do this, instead of demanding. if you handle it right, maybe she will be sympathic and understand and do it for you…
Post # 4
Tread carefully! I feel like something like this has potential to backfire big time.
Post # 5
I think you take bridesmaids as they are. IMO, your options are:
1. don’t say anything and let her do what she wants
2. choose a dress that won’t cause these issues (long, sleeves, not form-fitting)
3. don’t have her be a bridesmaid
FYI- I had a similar issue with 2 BMs who don’t shave their legs, and one was heavy. I told them to give me their top 3 dress choices in my color that were long, and then ended up letting each pick the one they wanted. (I wanted to make sure it wasn’t 4 with the same dress and one different, and that none were hideous.) It worked out great, they all looked AND FELT wonderful, and their support was more important anyway.
Post # 6
Um. I would be insanely offended if someone asked me to get some shapewear. It’s like insulting her body or telling her she’s too fat. Just deal and if it bothers you too much, as your photog to take as few pictures of her as possible.
Post # 7
Okay, the shaving thing. Yeah. I feel like you have some right there. But in terms of the girdle, I’d back off. Or delegate another Bridesmaid or Best Man to go spanx shopping with her and BOTH buy something. But because a girdle is directly related to her weight and body image, I think it would hurt her for you to insist upon it. It’s possible that she doesn’t have a high self-esteem when it comes to body image, and as one of her best friends (she’s your Bridesmaid or Best Man, after all), you should make her feel safe, not embarrassed or insecure.
Post # 8
this might sound harsh, but honestly i think that if you have such strong feelings about her personal appearance, you shouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place. to me, how my bridesmaids’ emotionally support me is 1000000 times more important than how they look, and i want mine to be comfortable and happy and themselves.
Post # 9
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I would definitely be careful with how you address this. I would be extremely offended if someone demand that I wear shapewear in their wedding.
Post # 10
Actually I don’t think you can tell people to do any of that. I agree with guitargirl. If you’re really worried about it, then don’t make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Or choose her dress for her, and add a size when you order it. I think that women, like men, really have the choice of whether or not they want to shave. If her hairy pits and legs offend your senses, then I would just not ask her to be involved.
Post # 11
Oops! I accidentally voted “no”, but the answer should be “yes”. It’s not okay for you to demand that of her. I agree with the other posters who say that her supporting you is a million times more important than what she looks like.
Post # 12
That is ridiculous. Being a bridesmaid means you wear the dress, if you’re nice you wear the shoes, if you are super super nice you do your hair/make up/nails if/how the bride wants it. A persons body is private property and you do not get to dictate.
You should have thought of this before you asked her to be a bridesmaid, maybe you were afraid of looking shallow and pictures obsessed in front of your groom if you brought this up when discussing asking her to be a bridesmaid but if you bring this up now you will look really rude.
Once you send someone an STD or an invitation you can not uninvite them without being really rude, once you ask someone to be a bridesmaid you can not ask them to step down or impose demands on them without being rude.
Post # 13
I also agree that this is not acceptable to ask of someone. I’m also a little confused about why you’re having someone in your wedding as a “favor?”
If you’re concerned about the fabric choice, satin doesn’t look good on most people over a size 8, and maybe you can choose another fabrication for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses to help with this issue?
Post # 14
it sounds like since the Bridesmaid or Best Man is FH’s family that she might not have had a choice to choose her but was forced to choose her (i have the same problem).
I actually chose a dress for her though that was NOT form fitting for this reason, and saying all the girls have to wear their hair down to cover up other questionable things that im not too fond of. Is there a way to choose a dress (and order it FOR her so she doesnt get the wrong size) to make sure that maybe she doesnt need shapewear? or have a shrug for her just in case she doesnt shave her pits?
i would tread lightly on the “demanding” thing since shes family and has potential to cause real drama if something goes bad. i would suggest having the Maid/Matron of Honor or some of the other bridesmaids all meet up and find underthings that are appropriate and all buy them at the same time – like what @gemstone said….
Post # 15
I agree with the option Guitargirl chose. Choose some dresses that will look good on her, and that will cover legs and maybe a shrug for covering the armpits. If she is family, then I think that is the best you can do. You can’t force somebody to shave, or wear a girdle. I am plus-sized, and I would hope that if I was asked to be in a wedding party the bride would choose something that would make me feel pretty, or at least not totally ugly!!
Post # 16
maybe don’t pick a form fitting dress?! really, i don’t see how you can pass the blame buck to your bridesmaids. you picked an unflattering dress, knowing full well she doesn’t wear shapewear. How she looks doesn’t reflect on you, it reflects on her. I’m mortified by the idea of not looking good in a dress AND not shaving, but hey, I’d be pissed if someone asked me to cut my hair, not wear makeup, or tell me how to dress specifically.