(Closed) pls help. cant help feeling upset im not a bridesmaid :(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would feel hurt too, but things change when you promise someone something two years prior. Maybe she is closer withthe other two right now too? Go and support her anyway and have fun. Don’t let this taint your friendship. It is hard not to be sad, but don’t be upset.

Besides, her saying you should have asked…you did the right thing by not asking. That wouldn’t have made the situation any better.

Post # 4
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think I may be about to have the same problem. One of my bridesmaids just became engaged and I have the feeling she may not pick me. I’ve already got myself ready for it and have decided although deep down I will be upset I will just remember how hard it was for me to choose mine. You can’t have every friend up there with you (well, you can but it depends how large you want your bridal party to be!) and I wouldn’t want her to feel like she is pressured to have me in her bridal party just because she was in mine. She has already been a bridesmaid 3 times, my wedding will be her 4th.

I can totally see where you are coming from but if you love her you just need to be there still to support her. She will probably be feeling a bad for not choosing you.

At least you can sit back and enjoy her wedding without having to run around all day like the other bridesmaids.

Post # 6
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I’ve had this happen to me a few times and it never gets easier.  Somehow I’m just not as close to the bride as someone else is.  I try to cheer myself up by knowing that I won’t have to spend the $$$ on a BM dress or accessories and I can just enjoy the wedding.

Not being a BM really worked out for me for two of the weddings where I wasn’t invited to be in the bridal party.  At both the BMs were so busy getting ready that the brides felt left out and ignored.  I happily dropped by their dressing rooms and chatted with them while waiting for the BMs to finish up and come back to attend the bride.  They were special moments that I would not have gotten had I been a Bridesmaid or Best Man and busy getting ready myself.

Post # 7
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I know it’s disappointing but look at the plus side!

You get to experience her big day and all the things that go along with it (bridal showers, bachelorette, etc.) but you don’t have to spend all the time and money that goes along with the planning and execution of those events! That fact that you have two young children was probably her big motivating factor. She is being sensitive to the time and money constraints that come with being a Mom! It’s normal to be disappointed, but being a bridesmaid is NOT all rainbows and sunshine – promise you that! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would be disappointed too, but it sounds like she really didn’t want to inconvenience you. Try not to let it get to you!

Post # 10
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It really is probably because you have kids. I don’t think I would have asked someone who had that added responsibility. 

I realize that my BMs might not ask me to be in their wedding party when they get married, and that’s fine. But I’m also really shy so I guess that’s why I don’t care. 

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