- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Hi all! If you missed the backstory, here is the thread about what my alcoholic friend did at my wedding: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-to-approach-my-alcoholic-friend-who-acted-horribly-at-my-wedding
This is the email I drafted up. Please let me know what you all think:
Hi K. There are some things I want to talk about…
I hope you know I love you and I always will. You have been a great friend to me for so long, and that is why I feel I owe you this email- because I do care so much and I don’t want to be a negligent friend.
I know you just moved and you are going through so many changes in life right now. I hesitated writing this email due to that- but then I thought, maybe this can be an overall new chapter and hopefully may be helpful somehow.
I want to encourage you to seek help for your drinking. I was deeply worried by your behavior at the wedding, and have been worried for a while about it. There were just so many red flags that day. I had a great time with you at the house before the wedding, you were such fun company and a big help and support. I totally appreciate that. But when I found out what went down the day of the wedding…it was the first time in our friendship when I really felt like I couldn’t just let it go. I am not bringing this up in an effort to be judgmental or to knock you down- quite the opposite! I want to help lift you up and out of this habit that I fear is a great danger to you emotionally, and may cause you more heartache in the future.
I used to be really frightened and intimidated to talk to you about this for lots of reasons. I know how sensitive you are, and I never wanted to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad in general. You’ve been through so many difficult experiences lately, and thats why I kept avoiding broaching the subject. But after the wedding, I’m done doing that.
At this point, i feel like I would just by a shitty friend and a negligent friend if I didn’t make this point to you. Because I don’t want to enable, I’d like to speak with you and visit with you only when you are sober, and not when you’ve been drinking. That is something I feel really strongly about.
Sending you much love and hoping that your transition is going smoothly. I know how difficult it is to move and make big life changes.
My only reservation about sending this email is due to the fact that I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. I wonder if this email sends the wrong message in that regard…
I know many adviced me to just grow apart and cut her off…but I want her to know there are consequences for her actions at the wedding. i feel like she shouldn’t think she can act like that and think everything’s OK…