(Closed) Plus 1 for some and not for others?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Totally smart to have A list & B list. Completely understandable not to extend +1 to all your guests.

I’m extending +1 to people who are in serious relationships, to those who might not really know anybody else at the wedding, and to the bridal party even if they don’t have a SO.

Post # 4
Member
7582 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I gave everyone a plus one. I would hate if I didn’t receive a plus one on a wedding invitation. However, it’s totally preference.

Post # 5
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Your friends, if they are in the wedding party get a plus one, if they are single they do not.

Plus ones are extended to the Wedding Party, married or engaged guests, guests who live with their SO and guests with a long term (over a year) bf/gf.

You are not expected to pay for someone’s casual date at 100 bucks a pop. Tell ppl they can have a date during the dance (after dinner)

Post # 6
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Our guest list is pretty small and we want to keep it that way.  Our single friends are not getting a plus 1 unless we know that person or they have been together for a certain amount of time (about 6 months).  Our single friends are a part of a group of friends and will have lots of other people to talk to.  We don’t want random people at our wedding.

Post # 7
Member
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We’re not giving every single person a plus one. For example, I’m inviting my ex because we’re still good friends and he gets along with Fiance. I plan on allowing him a date because he hasn’t dated anyone since we broke up over five years ago and even if he brings a female friend, maybe it will start something! Another friend of ours probably won’t get a plus one because we know he’ll bring some weird, random person that we don’t know. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We are doing the plus ones situationally, too. Basically, if someone is in a long term relationship, having to travel more than 2 hours or won’t know anyone else, we allowed a plus one. We both have huge families so nixing plus ones for everyone is pretty much the only way we could invite everyone we want.

Post # 9
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@circuslightss: The most gracious way to do this is to invite NO “plus-one’s” at all, across the board: just invite people whom you know and appreciate, by name. Of course you will invite both husband and wife of any married couple — but if you are close to the husband you really ought to know the name of the wife and appreciate her, if not for her own sake, then for the sake of her spouse.

Similarly with affianced couples: if one member of a couple is part of your social circle then you should have been at minimum introduced to the other member by now.

For people who are not married or engaged, invite the love-interests who have been around and involved long enough for you to know them, and don’t invite the ones you don’t. This is actually more “proper” than extending invitations to people whose names you don’t know; or than delegating the responsibility for finalizing your guest list to others of your guests.

Post # 10
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Everyone 18 and older should have the option of bringing a guest.

 

If you don’t have room for a +1, don’t invite the person to come alone.

Post # 11
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I adopted the rule my friends used – no “dates.”  So if it’s your husband, fiance, or super-significant other, then yes.  But no bringing someone along just so you have a date.

Post # 13
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think if your going to do a plus one for some and not others thats fine as long as the same guidelines are used for everyone. Like you must live together or something… and for the people that dont get them dont have an option on the rsvp card for how many attending. I know thats making 2 different rsvps but just an idea.

Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We were very picky in who we gave +1s to… only if they were in a serious relationship we knew about, wouldn’t know many other people at the wedding, or were in the bridal party.  I had 2 guests email and ask if they could bring a +1 and I gave it to them (totally understandable situations).  If anyone really has a problem not getting a +1, they’ll ask you and you can decide at that point on a case by case basis.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think its awful to have an Alist and B list.. its necessary and its the reality that you are closer to some than others.. we only gave plus ones to people who were married, engaged or in long serious relationships. I made one exception and gave a plus one to one guest and I dont know who the plus one is, but thats cos someone declined at the last minute and this guest has been begging me to let her know if I get any last minuter declines

Post # 16
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

As long as you have a rule for plus ones that apply to everyone it’s fine. We are allowing everyone with a SO to bring them but our single friends aren’t getting plus ones to bring a random date.

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