Post # 1
Have to vent about a ridiculous situation with my in-laws’ side of the guest list. We had split the whole thing in thirds (my parents, his parents, us), and told each side they were allowed to use those thirds however they wanted. For a lot of reasons (big family vs small family, oldest of a generation versus youngest) it wasn’t possible for us to make consistent rules across the whole guest list on kids, +1s, etc., so we let each third create the metrics that were best for them.
My Future Mother-In-Law came back with the news that her 3 youngest kids (all in their 20s, all single), were going to both get a +1 and a “friend.” As in, six people in their early 20s we had never met, all to make their supposedly adult children feel more comfortable. When I told my Future Mother-In-Law I was uncomfortable having that many strangers at our wedding and didn’t feel it was appropriate, especially since we had already had to cut some of our own friends and their +1s, she got incredibly defensive and told me that these were “her” invites and I wasn’t allowed to comment on them.
Because they got them within the required 3rd of their list and I’d kind of set myself up for it by saying they could determine that composition, I ultimately caved– it just wasn’t a battle I was prepared to fight at the time. But I can’t believe we’re having a wedding with six total strangers dedicated just to hanging out with my future siblings-in-law.
Have any of you ever heard of a plus-2 for adults? FWIW, they are all also in our wedding party (we’re only having siblings).
Post # 3
I never heard of this and it strijes me as strange and rude, but I agree with your deciding it’s not worth the fight. If only you hadn’t told her she oculd do whatever she wanted with her third! One thing I’m really learning from wedding planning is it’s better to put more restraints on people from the beginning and then relax them as necessary, instead of vice versa!
Post # 4
I think that is rediculous, a date maybe but a date and a friend-no. They will know all of their family members there, they can’t possibly visit with them?
Post # 5
Weird. But I agree that, if they’re staying in their third, let it go. But yes, it’s weird.
Post # 6
Nope I’d go back to her and say “I gave you the latitude to choose the +1 within reason, such as whether each guests gets or doesn’t get a +1. A +2 is not a standard wedding invitation thus I did not think I needed to specify against it, but **FI and I** have decided this is not appropriate. If you like to tell me who you’d like those 3 people be instead, either family members, children of family members, or dates of family members, we will try to accommodate you. Otherwise, we will make that decision.” You should have Fiance say this though.
Post # 7
if they are the bridal party’s dates you should talk to the bridal party and say you really aprciate just them bringing a date and not 2 people each
Post # 8
Um, it’s not their wedding to be ‘comfortable’.
Post # 9
I can see the frustration, but you did give her a third to play with, and if it wasn’t them, it could have been ANOTHER 6 people you didn’t know (coworkers, distant relatives, etc.) And since theyre your FMIL’s children, doesnt them make them part of your new family too? I know my FI’s bros are bringing their dates & some friends, and Im excited to hang out with them and to have more young blood at the wedding so maybe SOMEONE will dance.
Post # 10
I think that it’s totally weird that they each have to have 2 people to “entertain” them for the reception. They’re siblings! They must be able to talk to each other!!
However, I think it’s good that you didn’t make a big thing out of it.
Post # 11
That’s so annoying. Especially since you’re not able to invite friends you actually want at your wedding because it’s not in your 3rd. Future Mother-In-Law should have given you the 3 extra spots to use if she didn’t need them!
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Especially since they’re in the wedding party, I think it’s quite rude, and potentially awkward– who are these “friends” supposed to hang out with??? All the siblings will be busy! I would ask Fiance to talk to his siblings and explain why you’re not comfortable with it– it might be “her 3rd of the list” but it’s still YOUR wedding!
Post # 13
I wonder why the friend would want to come anyway. And why would your Future In Laws want to use up invites on these people. Careful they dont try to go over their number!
Post # 14
@workerbee734: It’s your wedding. Why would you feel the need to cut friends off your guest list that YOU want to invite to reach your alloted number? Why not invite who you want to your wedding?
Post # 15
@workerbee734: What other 2 people will be sitting with them at the table?
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Since these are FI’s siblings, he should say something to them. Ridiculous!!