(Closed) Plus one?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would never invite someone withour their long term partner or spouse.  Also, I don’t think it’s right to invite people to only come after everyone else has eaten.  Maybe you will have other people who won’t come so that these additional guests won’t put you over your budget?

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with MissAsB. I wouldn’t invite someone without their SO either and I also wouldn’t just invite them to come just for the dancing. I suggest reworking your budget, so that you can include everyone, just in case.

Post # 5
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First of all, it is not a breach of etiquette to only invite people you know (not adding strangers). But if someone is seriously dating or married, then their significant other needs to be invited. If they are not in a serious relationship, they don’t need to bring a date. Folks attend weddings all the time without dates and enjoy themselves in the company of others with no problem.

But it is rude no matter what to only invite people to the dance after everything else is done and you will have hurt feelings, even if no one says anything to you. It is ok to send announcements after the wedding to those who are not able to be invited. But if you intend to invite them to any portion of the wedding, they need to be invited to all of it.

Post # 7
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with @Selene221 – You don’t have to add a plus-one to anyone who is not in an established relationship (married, engaged, living together or dating exclusively for at least several months), especially if they will be attending with a group of people they know well.

If using that rule still adds more than you are comfortable with, then only invite the five you feel closest to – those are the people you want there, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it AT ALL.

Post # 8
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We are only inviting guests with 1+ if they are married, engaged or live together or wont know anyone else.

Post # 9
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

I agree that inviting a +1 is only necessary under certain circumstances. Not JUST BECAUSE. Best of luck to you and yours.

Post # 10
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Personally I find it rude to not invite a plus one for single guests. I just think how bad I would feel to watch people slow dance with their dates when I wasn’t even given the option. My fiance is my best friend and I’d feel horribly offended if he weren’t invited with me. I ‘know’ other ppl but that’s doesn’t mean I want to spend the whole evening hanging on to the three people I know at a 150ppl wedding.

Post # 12
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I gave +1 to guests who were married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. I also gave each member of the bridal party a +1 out of courtesy.

Post # 13
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@Carpie: Here are the general etiquette rules:

1. You must invite spouses, fiances, and live-in partners.

2. Technically, you don’t HAVE to invite long-term partners if the couple doesn’t live together, but this is sort of a gray area and it’s really based on your knowledge of the couple and your relationship with them. A couple who’s been together for 4 years but can’t live together because they live in different cities? Probably should invite both. Your colleague who you’ve heard has been dating a guy for 6 months that you’ve never met? Probably not necessary.

3. It’s a courtesy, but it is not rude nor a breach of etiquette to extend invitations to single people alone (without a +1).

In some areas, inviting people for just dessert and dancing such that they are not invited to the ceremony and/or dinner is customary. In my neck of the woods, this would be a no-no. And because it’s a no-no in my neck of the woods, I’ve got to say I’d be offended if I wasn’t invited to the whole she-bang–it suggests to the guest that they’re not important enough for the celebration, but they’re good enough to give you a gift.

If you think your friends would understand, then I’d probably handle it very delicately. They DID suggest the option themselves, so perhaps a verbal invite of, “Yeah, if you’d like to come by for dancing, we’d love to have you!” would be okay. I personally would also make it clear that I wouldn’t expect a gift from these people. The other option is to just invite the 5 you like most (I suspect the other 5 would understand) and put the others on a “b-list.”

But you know, I’m in grad school too and I can tell you that come graduation, the people you’re just sort of friends with because you share a department will disappear and it really won’t matter.

Post # 14
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmm…interesting.  I would hate to attend a wedding alone.  I would be uncomfortable (doesn’t really matter if I know others there) during it.  I mean, what about the romance, the dancing – I don’t know, maybe its just me:)  But unless it was family I probably wouldn’t attend if I was made to go alone.  I plan on inviting +1 for each person I invite.  Not kids though.  Unless the family is children over the age of – I don’t know yet (not really even planning yet) 10? 

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