Post # 1
I’m in school right now and I’m having problems with who to invite. There are probably a handful of people I want to come, there is probably 5 or so more I would invite if we can. The thing that is throwing me off is that if they all bring a guest then I don’t want to inivte all of them because I go from 10 or so to 20. They all know each other because we’re all in the same program so they would know other people there and I would sit them at the same table. Plus, I’ve never met any of their sig. others but I know technically I should invite them What would you do with this situation?
I was given the advice maybe just to invite the girls from my program to come at 8 PM or so after the dinner for the dance and our desert buffet but I don’t know how I feel about that. I don’t want our guests to feel “ranked”. Has anybody done invites for just the dance, did you hear any negative thoughts about it from those guests.
Post # 3
I would never invite someone withour their long term partner or spouse. Also, I don’t think it’s right to invite people to only come after everyone else has eaten. Maybe you will have other people who won’t come so that these additional guests won’t put you over your budget?
Post # 4
I agree with MissAsB. I wouldn’t invite someone without their SO either and I also wouldn’t just invite them to come just for the dancing. I suggest reworking your budget, so that you can include everyone, just in case.
Post # 5
First of all, it is not a breach of etiquette to only invite people you know (not adding strangers). But if someone is seriously dating or married, then their significant other needs to be invited. If they are not in a serious relationship, they don’t need to bring a date. Folks attend weddings all the time without dates and enjoy themselves in the company of others with no problem.
But it is rude no matter what to only invite people to the dance after everything else is done and you will have hurt feelings, even if no one says anything to you. It is ok to send announcements after the wedding to those who are not able to be invited. But if you intend to invite them to any portion of the wedding, they need to be invited to all of it.
Post # 6
I don’t know if I would rework my budger, I think I would just not invite the other 5, there are really only 5 from school that I want to invite…the others I feel like I should. We are graduating a week before my wedding so I won’t see many off them often after but I’m just worried when others get invites that it might be kind of akward. Also, I wouldn’t ever not invite a spouse…there aren’t many in my class that are married.
Post # 7
I agree with @Selene221 – You don’t have to add a plus-one to anyone who is not in an established relationship (married, engaged, living together or dating exclusively for at least several months), especially if they will be attending with a group of people they know well.
If using that rule still adds more than you are comfortable with, then only invite the five you feel closest to – those are the people you want there, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it AT ALL.
Post # 8
We are only inviting guests with 1+ if they are married, engaged or live together or wont know anyone else.
Post # 9
I agree that inviting a +1 is only necessary under certain circumstances. Not JUST BECAUSE. Best of luck to you and yours.
Post # 10
Personally I find it rude to not invite a plus one for single guests. I just think how bad I would feel to watch people slow dance with their dates when I wasn’t even given the option. My fiance is my best friend and I’d feel horribly offended if he weren’t invited with me. I ‘know’ other ppl but that’s doesn’t mean I want to spend the whole evening hanging on to the three people I know at a 150ppl wedding.
Post # 11
There are a couple married girls in my class, and I was going to invite their husband with them. I don’t have any engaged in my class besides me.
We were talking about it at lunch the other day and they were asking me some questions about cake. I said we’re actually not doing a traditional cake we’re doing a desert buffet and there will be some cake on the buffet along with many other things. She said so we should all just come at 8:30 or so? I had mentioned we were putting it out about 2 hours after dinner. So maybe she assumes I’m inviting them just to the dance. I still don’t love the idea but if they were all for it and not offended I might consider it. I feel better at least that I would still be serving something and honestly our desert buffet is going to end up costing 3x more then a cake because it’ll be a big spread.
Post # 12
I gave +1 to guests who were married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. I also gave each member of the bridal party a +1 out of courtesy.
Post # 13
@Carpie: Here are the general etiquette rules:
1. You must invite spouses, fiances, and live-in partners.
2. Technically, you don’t HAVE to invite long-term partners if the couple doesn’t live together, but this is sort of a gray area and it’s really based on your knowledge of the couple and your relationship with them. A couple who’s been together for 4 years but can’t live together because they live in different cities? Probably should invite both. Your colleague who you’ve heard has been dating a guy for 6 months that you’ve never met? Probably not necessary.
3. It’s a courtesy, but it is not rude nor a breach of etiquette to extend invitations to single people alone (without a +1).
In some areas, inviting people for just dessert and dancing such that they are not invited to the ceremony and/or dinner is customary. In my neck of the woods, this would be a no-no. And because it’s a no-no in my neck of the woods, I’ve got to say I’d be offended if I wasn’t invited to the whole she-bang–it suggests to the guest that they’re not important enough for the celebration, but they’re good enough to give you a gift.
If you think your friends would understand, then I’d probably handle it very delicately. They DID suggest the option themselves, so perhaps a verbal invite of, “Yeah, if you’d like to come by for dancing, we’d love to have you!” would be okay. I personally would also make it clear that I wouldn’t expect a gift from these people. The other option is to just invite the 5 you like most (I suspect the other 5 would understand) and put the others on a “b-list.”
But you know, I’m in grad school too and I can tell you that come graduation, the people you’re just sort of friends with because you share a department will disappear and it really won’t matter.
Post # 14
Hmmm…interesting. I would hate to attend a wedding alone. I would be uncomfortable (doesn’t really matter if I know others there) during it. I mean, what about the romance, the dancing – I don’t know, maybe its just me:) But unless it was family I probably wouldn’t attend if I was made to go alone. I plan on inviting +1 for each person I invite. Not kids though. Unless the family is children over the age of – I don’t know yet (not really even planning yet) 10?