(Closed) Plus One

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im guessing Mr and Mrs CarrotK are the names on the invite and if Mrs CarrotK couldnt attend i dont think that gives anyone the automatic right to switch with a ringin to take his place.  i might be in the minority but i think its rude to say my husband cant attend so im bringing an uninvited guest instead

Post # 4
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011


Maybe their numbers were tight. If I wanted to subsitute I would certainly ask the bride first, but I would not be upset if I couldn’t.

Post # 5
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@carrotkarat: I am not sure that I fully understand the situation.  Are you upset that Mr. Karat couldn’t attend and you wanted to bring another guest? 

If so then if the invitation was addressed to Mr. and Mrs Bob Karat, then if Bob cannot go, only Carrot is the only other person invited on that invitation.

If it was Mrs. Carrot Karat and Guest, (then that in itself is a blunder) and you should have been able to bring whomever you like as a guest.

Post # 6
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

i’m confused too. when you say that Mr. CK couldn’t attend, do you mean that he had another commitment to attend to, or do you mean that he wasn’t “allowed” to attend because your +1 was revoked?

if your +1 was revoked and you weren’t allowed to bring Mr CK, i would say yes, that’s rude. However, if the bride didn’t allow you to bring a different guest, then I would look at the invitation to see what it said. If his name was with yours, then I would say the bride was technically correct. If his name wasn’t with yours (i.e., and guest), then I would say it was rude for her to revoke the +1.

Post # 7
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If your husband couldnt not attend I can see your +1 not being honored.

Post # 8
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you were invited as Mr. and Mrs., you never had a “plus-one” in the first place. That refers only to guests who are not married or engaged. If you and your husband’s names were on the invitation, you may not substitute a different person if one cannot attend (i.e. since he couldn’t attend, you either go alone or not at all).

And as PPs said, if you received an invite that said “and guest” it would be inappropriate in the first place, and the question of revoking it would be moot as there was no name of the “guest.”

Post # 10
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly, I totally understand the bride/groom decision here… but we’re not doing blanket-plus-ones. I’m happy to invite and welcome the SO/spouses of those on our guest list, but I would much rather invite someone I know to fill an empty seat than a friend of a friend.

Post # 11
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@carrotkarat: I’m assuming you were engaged when you received the invitation? It was probably a courtesy since you were in a serious relationship, not an invitation to bring anyone you want. I’ll be honest, I find it a little rude when wedding guests bring a +1 friend that is not their SO as was probably intended and the couple doesn’t even know the +1 person.

Post # 12
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I know I’m in the minority here, but I don’t see the big deal with it, especially if Mr. Karat was unable to attend at the last minute. If it was a last minute thing, the numbers have already been turned into the caterer, and it would be difficult to contact someone else you had to previously cut from the list. Wouldn’t it be better if your guest brought someone rather than that meal (and money) go to waste? If it wasn’t a last minute thing, I suppose can see both sides of it. I just don’t quite understand why it’s that big of a deal.

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