Plus One Debacle. I lack assertiveness :(

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Easy! “We are currently at the capacity for our venue.  I’ll let you know if this changes.”

And then just don’t let her know…

Post # 3
2636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think extending the invitation to the cousin with a serious boyfriend and not the cousin who’s only just started dating someone is fine. At this point, the serious boyfriend is not a plus one and should have been invited by name. I think the way PP worded it is fine – I would respond to the second cousin telling her that you’re sorry but are unable to accommodate any extras but will let her know if this changes.

Post # 6
2807 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016


There is a seating capacity, and you are currently over the max. If you get enough declines, go ahead and offer up plus ones at will, but not until you get under the 120. Besides, for these cousins, they are dating, you were aware of him prior to sending invites, so he made the guest list. Case closed. 

Post # 7
7644 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Cousin 1 had a partner when invitations were sent out, Cousin 2 did not. That’s just how it is – if you get a new partner after invitations go out, they don’t get an inviation.

I’d combine that with the “at capacity” reply: “We invited Fred because he had already been dating Daphne for several months when the invitations were being sent out. It’s too late to add extra guests now – we’re at capacity.”

As an aside, there’s nothing wrong with adding partners after Save-The-Date Cards go out. Save-The-Date Cards aren’t formal invitations, and are often sent a long time before the wedding. So I think inviting the bf was the right thing to do.

Post # 9
44 posts

I can see why one twin might want to have what the other has – especially if her sister has been posting pictures of her relationship all over social media, yet she herself has ended one relationship after another with “keepers.” But agree with PP that this is more of a logistical issue than an etiquette/fairness issue, and that’s the most kind way to bring it up to her.

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