(Closed) Plus One Dilemma….HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
691 posts
Busy bee

Personally, I wouldn’t invite him solo if everyone else is getting a plus one. Also, if he has to travel, is he really going to want to do so alone? You ask if you’re being crazy, and I don’t think you are. But I think this is one of those things I’d just let go aand let him bring whomever, even if it’s her.

FWIW, this stuff doesn’t really bother me. You’re, of course, entitled to how you feel about it. From my perspective, it wouldn’t be a big deal. And honestly, you won’t even see her much that night. Might as well just let the friend have a good time and bring his girlfriend.

Post # 3
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It would be incredibly rude to invite him without his girlfriend. Your reasons are quite petty – you are marrying this guy, you won!

Just to clarify – you aren’t giving this guy a +1 – you are inviting his SO, because they are a social unit. A +1 is for a truly single person not in a relationship.

Post # 4
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

If they had a serious relationship, I would understand you not wanting her there. I think having an ex from either side at a wedding would be really weird. I DO think you need to make sure your fiancé talks to his friend, whichever way you go. Because it might be weird for the friend to if she does end up coming, you know? 

Post # 5
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

In my opinion, if this is a good friend of Fiance, and this man has dated this woman for 4 years, there is no reason to not invite her. I wouldn’t say you’re being crazy, but I think its petty. 

Post # 6
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is your friends serious girlfriend. Come to terms with the fact that not inviting her means he will not be attending your wedding. Do not expect otherwise. Also you are probably being childish but that is my opinion. 

Post # 7
Member
6952 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

How long ago did they date? Was it serious? Did they have a horrible break up and no longer can be in the same room?

In my opinion, who cares? I mean, they have obviously both moved on. It’s not like you’re worried she’s going to stand up at the wedding and object. Plus, at a wedding of 150 people, you’ll barely even notice her. 

Post # 8
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
alexaleeo :  I”d just invite them both but then my husband’s ex was invited to our wedding because she would have been the only one of a particular group of friends not invited so I suggested he invite her and he did.

Post # 9
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

You are being crazy.

They’ve been dating for 4 years!  4 YEARS!!

You are MARRYING your fiance.

This is a non-issue.  

Post # 10
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You sound kind of young, but I could be wrong. I personally don’t count any of my relationships before I was 21 as being “serious”. We’re going to ask one of my high school “boyfriends” to be in our wedding party. I flew half way across the country to go to his wedding when he got married and am good friends with his wife. We realized we were friends and not romantic and so we’ve been good friends for over a decade. So, I think it’s kind of funny you don’t want an ex from more than 4 years ago at your wedding. I just read an article where a guy had his ex wife be his best man. If you want this guy at your wedding you need to invite her (as another bee pointed out they are not +1 if they are married, engaged, living together, or seriously dating. Plus ones are for single guests or guests in newer relationships. The invitation should be addressed to him and her not him +1.)

View original reply
llevinso :  it was at least more than 4 years ago if she’s been dating this other guy for 4 years. 

Post # 11
Member
7601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why on earth would you object to having this woman there? 

Post # 12
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

sometimes you just gotta suck it up and deal with it. i briefly dated the best man at our upcoming wedding, and he’s still standing up there for my fiance.

Post # 13
Member
2173 posts
Buzzing bee

Agree with the other bees. It’s not okay to not invite her. If this guy is one of FI’s really good friends, then not inviting his serious girlfriend will do some damage to that relationship. Unless there is active and ongoing hostility between the ex and Fiance, then invite her and suck it up.

Post # 14
Member
14149 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Different people have different ground rules about maintaining ties with significant exes, and I can certainly understand that you are not comfortable with having her at your wedding. I don’t think that is a petty or immature attitude, though I don’t see how the friendship is going to survive long term if you are never willing to get together as couples or include her in social invitations.

Since you are including SOs you should either invite both of them  or neither of them. Inviting him solo and telling him why isn’t correct since an invitation is supposed to offer hospitality only, not exclude it or justify any such exclusions.  If Fiance does this anyway, the risk is that the friend may be offended. Of course not inviting him at all may have the same consequence. 

Post # 15
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
alexaleeo :  If they’re good enough friends for him to date a “serious” ex and remain really good friends… I think it’s kind of an exception to the “no exes rule” which I would normally always agree with.

Do yall ever see and hang out with them? Is it weird and uncomfortable? It this worth possibly damaging their friendship? When yall are happily married and get a STD or wedding invitation from them would you automatically decide you’re not going? I think the right thing to do it start looking at her as the friends SO and no longer as your FI’s ex.

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