(Closed) plus one ettiquette

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think your FI’s friends were using the fact that you guys weren’t technically living together as an opportunity to cut one more person from their guest list.  I don’t think anyone could argue that 7 years isn’t a serious relationship.

Post # 4
Member
5904 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

everyone has their own take on this.  for me, if you are married, live together, or in a longterm relationship, you get a plus one.  i can see an exception to this if neither the bride nor groom knows the significant other, and this has happened to me (been with my guy 7.5 years and he wasn’t invited to a wedding i was invited to this year- and we have lived together for many years), but personally, i wouldn’t do it.

Post # 5
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We are saying +1 if in a committed relationship or married. I don’t think living together should play a role. In fact we have two formal couples who live together still because of leases and financial reasons. The one couple is in our bridal party and the other the former SO is not invited.

Post # 6
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think that whether or not you live together is no indication of the seriousness of the relationship, nor is the legnth of time you’ve been dating.  Every couple is different, every relationship is different.  Could your bf’s friend maybe just not want to invite you?  I can’t imagine inviting a friend, but not their significant other, regardless of how long they’d been together or whether or not they were living together.  Had they never met you?  Were they even aware he was in a serious long term relationship?  it just seems like it was either an intentional slight against you, or perhaps they just didn’t know how rude it would be to exclude you.  My fiance and I have been together almost 9 years, living together for a few years, and purchased our home almost 2 years ago.  We were serious from the beginning, but we met young, wanted to finish school, and be able to save up for a wedding before making our engagement official.  I feel very lucky that both of our families have always supported us, and embraced us as a “couple” from the very start.

Post # 7
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m not a fan of all these ettiquette rules, your situation is case-in-point.

But, according to these rules, you can’t split up a “social unit” and that consists of married, engaged, or cohabitating couples… everyone else can technically doesn’t have to have a +1.

Post # 8
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

We are giving plus ones to everyone over the age of 18. I think it will be less stressful for everyone (me) that way.

Post # 10
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had a sort-of similar situation happen to me.  My fiance and I have been dating for nearly 10 years.. I was left off as a “plus one” to his cousin’s wedding last year (the bride and groom had themselves only been together for less than a year by the time they were married).  Considering I had been with my fiance for about 8 years before the bride and groom even MET, I was shocked that I wasn’t invited.  But unlike you, we were actually living together for a year or two before that wedding took place.  And it wasn’t like they had to cut corners with the guest list… her parents (who are very wealthy) were paying for the wedding.  They had nearly 200 guests (not to mention, the groom’s family is rather small).  I sometimes wonder what goes through people’s heads…

Post # 11
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We had a complicated thing: wedding party and family were allowed to bring a guest (family memebers mostly because we are not close and did not know if they had a bf/gf). Our single friends, as in NO SO to speak of, were invited on their own although several invited their own guests…it’s not really a big wedding and we had to sadly cut some people 🙁  but it’s hard for us to say no so…thank god we got enough declines! I’m still a lil sore about it. These people that put a plus one are begging me to add those we couldn’t because of the plus ones!

Post # 12
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree, the stress of the guest list often leads to poor decisions. A year ago when we were not engaged yet, my fiance was invited to a wedding with no plus 1 – but we lived together and had been together for over 5 years. Why wasn’t I invited? Because we were under 21, and apparently that’s where that couple set their +1 marker. 

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