Post # 1
I thought I’d throw this scenario out there and see what the hive thought. After planning my own wedding I understand how “plus ones” for each guest are not always a possibility. For our own guest list we decided on giving plus ones to married couples or couples who have been in a serious relationship for more than a year.
Before my fiance and I got engaged, we had been dating for 7 years…a really long time! But during that time, even now, we never lived together (we will of course shack up when we get married). Call us old-fashioned, but it just was our personal preference. I realize that most couples these days cohabitate at some point, but we just decided it wasn’t for us.
A year ago, my fiance (then bf) was invited to a family friend’s wedding. He was only invited, not me. The couples’s reasoning? Only married couples and those living together were deemed “serious” relationships. On the other hand, another friend who moved in with his gf after 6 months of knowing her got to bring his girlfriend to the wedding.
I think it’s strange that nowadays, you’re not considered a serious relationship unless you’re either married or living together, no matter how long you’ve been dating. What are your thoughts on this?
Post # 3
I think your FI’s friends were using the fact that you guys weren’t technically living together as an opportunity to cut one more person from their guest list. I don’t think anyone could argue that 7 years isn’t a serious relationship.
Post # 4
everyone has their own take on this. for me, if you are married, live together, or in a longterm relationship, you get a plus one. i can see an exception to this if neither the bride nor groom knows the significant other, and this has happened to me (been with my guy 7.5 years and he wasn’t invited to a wedding i was invited to this year- and we have lived together for many years), but personally, i wouldn’t do it.
Post # 5
We are saying +1 if in a committed relationship or married. I don’t think living together should play a role. In fact we have two formal couples who live together still because of leases and financial reasons. The one couple is in our bridal party and the other the former SO is not invited.
Post # 6
I think that whether or not you live together is no indication of the seriousness of the relationship, nor is the legnth of time you’ve been dating. Every couple is different, every relationship is different. Could your bf’s friend maybe just not want to invite you? I can’t imagine inviting a friend, but not their significant other, regardless of how long they’d been together or whether or not they were living together. Had they never met you? Were they even aware he was in a serious long term relationship? it just seems like it was either an intentional slight against you, or perhaps they just didn’t know how rude it would be to exclude you. My fiance and I have been together almost 9 years, living together for a few years, and purchased our home almost 2 years ago. We were serious from the beginning, but we met young, wanted to finish school, and be able to save up for a wedding before making our engagement official. I feel very lucky that both of our families have always supported us, and embraced us as a “couple” from the very start.
Post # 7
I’m not a fan of all these ettiquette rules, your situation is case-in-point.
But, according to these rules, you can’t split up a “social unit” and that consists of married, engaged, or cohabitating couples… everyone else can technically doesn’t have to have a +1.
Post # 8
We are giving plus ones to everyone over the age of 18. I think it will be less stressful for everyone (me) that way.
Post # 9
I have to admit, I didn’t know the bride and groom well, but neither did the friends’ live-in girlfriend. My fiance is actually much closer to the groom than the friend who got to bring his live-in girlfriend. I don’t think she knew them at all. As far as the couple not wanting to invite me because they didn’t like me…I don’t know…I know they knew we’ve been together for 7 years (they kept commenting, “oh, when are you going to get married?”) but I don’t think we knew each other well enough to offend one another!
@Angela83 I find it funny that a couple who has been together for 7 years is not considered a “social unit.” But a couple who has been together for less than six months (but live together because it’s financially convenient – as was the case of our friend) is considered a “social unit” A lot of the cohabitating couples I know started living together strictly for financial reasons, not so much that they were seriously committed to one another and saw it as “the next step”.
Post # 10
I had a sort-of similar situation happen to me. My fiance and I have been dating for nearly 10 years.. I was left off as a “plus one” to his cousin’s wedding last year (the bride and groom had themselves only been together for less than a year by the time they were married). Considering I had been with my fiance for about 8 years before the bride and groom even MET, I was shocked that I wasn’t invited. But unlike you, we were actually living together for a year or two before that wedding took place. And it wasn’t like they had to cut corners with the guest list… her parents (who are very wealthy) were paying for the wedding. They had nearly 200 guests (not to mention, the groom’s family is rather small). I sometimes wonder what goes through people’s heads…
Post # 11
We had a complicated thing: wedding party and family were allowed to bring a guest (family memebers mostly because we are not close and did not know if they had a bf/gf). Our single friends, as in NO SO to speak of, were invited on their own although several invited their own guests…it’s not really a big wedding and we had to sadly cut some people 🙁 but it’s hard for us to say no so…thank god we got enough declines! I’m still a lil sore about it. These people that put a plus one are begging me to add those we couldn’t because of the plus ones!
Post # 12
I agree, the stress of the guest list often leads to poor decisions. A year ago when we were not engaged yet, my fiance was invited to a wedding with no plus 1 – but we lived together and had been together for over 5 years. Why wasn’t I invited? Because we were under 21, and apparently that’s where that couple set their +1 marker.