(Closed) Plus One Frustration Already!!!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know what you mean. We’ve started receiving our RSVP’s back and have run into that a few times. Our rule was, if they weren’t currently involved with someone or weren’t married, then no plus one. We just don’t have the budget or the space for everyone to have a plus one.

I got a phone call from my future mother in law the other day asking if her brother in law’s wife could bring her parents… they aren’t even related. I told her “As much as I would love to have them, we just don’t have the space” and left it at that.

Post # 5
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I sometimes find it hilarious here on the bee.

 On one thread we have someone upset, and justifiably so, at someone adding extra guests who were not invited.

On another post, we have bees with their knickers in a knot because a bride wasn’t going to invite son of her Maid/Matron of Honor,( when there are no children attending other than the brides’ own 3 kids and two family members attending from out of state) and the Maid/Matron of Honor wants to add a plus one for a 5 yr old.

Post # 6
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When we started sending out invites, we estimated how many people would be coming with a nice round number. When we got the invites back, we counted all the ones that were coming and ended up a few people short. Only after that, if there was already space left over did we allow some people bring a plus one. Luckily for us, they asked us way past the RSVP due date and we just happened to have space for them. If you are doing a round number, tell them to wait and see if someone declines, than they can bring them. If is it even something that you would let slip by. If you are not, than I would politely decline. They have to understand that you are paying per person and are counting on family and friends only.

Post # 7
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

“I’m sorry, but that won’t be possible”

Post # 8
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@soontobemrsjohnnyb: Hi date twin! πŸ™‚ I’ve had so many issues with this, if I had $1 for every time a guest asked me I could probably add at least 1 more person to our guest list. -__-

Our rule was close friends and family only. Fiance and I have large families and it was hard to fit them into a venue that can seat 220. Our rule of thumb was if they’d been together for at least 2 years then we would invite their SO. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have a +1. It’s so surprising to me how many people actually tell me that they are bringing a guest or tells me to invite them to the wedding. I wouldn’t ever be able to do that. If it’s clearly listed as 1 guest, then I’d either go as 1 guest or respectfully decline.

Good luck with everything!

Post # 11
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@soontobemrsjohnnyb: This happened to me as bring well. Tons of people decided to bring dates even though it clearly stated ONE person. I just had to laugh at the end… whatever. But my Mother-In-Law catered the wedding, so we were definitely not paying per plate.

Post # 13
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@soontobemrsjohnnyb: It really is that simple.  There is nothing for them to argue with.  You can just keep repeating it ad nauseum.  They are not owed an explanation as to why they can’t bring extra guests, just that they cannot.

You can always finish up with a “I’ve already told you that won’t be possible” and then disengage the conversation.  Done.  They know that you are not welcoming their extra guests, and you have remained 100% polite.  A win/win.

Post # 14
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@kissa2727: Its depressing that my fiance is guilty of ‘inviting’ himself. When his friends from grad school mention their weddings, he always says something like: “Where’s my invitation?” And I know they are inviting us. He doesn’t talk to them outside of class! And now I’m paranoid I’m doing the same thing with another friend. Its too far away from their date to be sure, but I really don’t know if we are invited. I just like to ask about how the planning is going.

Post # 16
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you just have to say straight up  with people or they will do whatever they want – glad it worked out for you πŸ™‚

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