Post # 1
A plus one guest at my wedding who I didn’t know had sex outside in the garden with a male guest. I had allowed her to come as a plus one for a single girlfriend of mine who was worried about coming to the wedding on her own. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished!
I am so upset and angry. She came along, drank our wine and ate our lovely food, and then she did pulled her knickers down in the garden! So disrespectful to us. I feel humiliated also because most of the wedding guests thought she was a friend of mine.
I spent months and months planning this wedding full-time. I put everything, my heart and soul, into it. My husband and I invested so much in making it a beautiful special day. I feel like it has been spoilt. I’m so upset.
I’m very angry at my friend for bringing this kind of person to my wedding. I’m very angry at the woman and I’m very cross with the male guest also. Who in their right minds think this kind of slutty thing is okay? At a wedding? Unbelievable.
There are other guests who also behaved badly but I’ll write about that in another post.
Bees can you please give me some advice on how to handle this? Part of me wants to confront this woman and the guy as well. Part of me feels I have to let it go somehow. Either way I am so angry and don’t know how to let go of this anger.<br /><br />Love, Kiwi
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
“I am flattered that our wedding melts your butter, BUT couldn’t you have waited until AFTER the receiving line? I will be honest: we were embarrassed.”
Thing with guests though is that you cannot control what they do under the influence of alcohol.
Maybe this is a good time to reassess the relationship/friendship. How does your DH feel about this?
Post # 3
Whoesso was the male guest to you? It sounds like you are putting most of the blame on this girl, if you are better aquainted with him, then I thinyou’re should bear the brunt of your anger.
That being said though, I think your making a big deal out of nothing. These things happen at weddings, and do not reflect on you, it does however reflect on your misbehaving guests. If anything, take it as a compliment that your guests must have had a good time, as they were clearly mingling well.
Post # 4
How exactly did you find out? If someone told you, I’d drop it. Leave it alone. Second hand information isn’t always correct regardless of who tells you (they might have gotten it second hand, too. Been too tipsy. Didn’t like the person. Lying.) Just go, “That was shitty, but it happened.” and put it to bed.
If you saw it, definitely tell the person you’re pissed off at them and you think they were trashy.
However, regardless of what you do, nothing can make it un-happen. Nothing will make you not embarassed over it, nothing will erase your memory of it. Confronting her and him won’t make it go away nor will it make it any better and if this male person is a friend of yours, it could drive him away from the friendship.
If it were me, regardless of how the information was obtained, I’d groan, roll my eyes and move on with my life.
Post # 5
kiwihoney: How many wedding guests saw them? Did you see them as they were getting it on?
I agree with nessdawwg: that it sounds like you’re blaming the woman more than the man a situation in which they were obviously both to blame. One person is not more to blame than the other and should not suffer your wrath disproportionately for this reason. If it were me and I were more annoyed with one person than the other, I would be more annoyed with the male friend than the random +1 woman you barely know.
I also think you’re blowing this way out of proportion. What your guests do reflects on them more than it does on you. If one guest is a friend of yours, I think their behavior could be considered a reflection of the company you or your husband keep, which is why I would be more annoyed with the male guest than the +1 woman. I don’t know how many people saw your guests doing this, but if they hid themselves and hardly anyone saw them getting it on, then there’s really not a big fuss to be made and it’d hardly constitte ruining your weddng day. If only a few people saw them, I would apologize to the guests for their discomfort, talk to the male friend about the inappropriate nature of his behavior, and move on with my life.
Post # 6
Why are you blaming the girl more than the guy? I’m sure they are both equally responsible.
I’m also curious how many guests saw them? And did someone actually see them having sex, or did they just come out of the bushes looking like they just had sex?
Please try to concentrate on what went right on your wedding day. I’m sure at the end of the day there are much more positive things to remember. Hopefully in a few months you can laugh at this incident.
Post # 7
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We are really unhappy and angry with the male guest as well and we are reassessing our friendship with him. What adds insult to injury with this woman is that she was a plus one and was there purely as a kindness to a single girlfriend of ours.<br /><br />However debating who is more at fault is completely beside the point. We were embarrassed and humiliated by what they did. The day after the wedding people were laughing at us and it was all anyone could talk about. <br /><br />This was devastated after putting our everything into planning this wedding and I am not making a big deal out of nothing. It’s was incredibly disrespectful and disgusting behaviour. I think it’s really insensitive to suggest that I shouldn’t be upset. I’m not blowing this out of proportion. How about you guys try to imagine that this happened to you on your wedding day?
Post # 8
kiwihoney: Firstly, no one is laughing AT YOU. No one. They are laughing WITH you about the stupid behaviour of two other guests. What a guest does at your wedding is not your fault, everyone with half a brain understands this and I’m sure that your other guests have more than half a brain. Therefore, your other guests are not laughing at you. Ok? Good, moving on.
Let’s put this into perspective. No one got drunk and vomited on your cake, no one drunkenly pushed you into a lake, no one interrupted your vows, ruined your photos or stopped you from being legally married.
What did happen is that two random guests had sex in an awkward location. You realise that that is a wedding stereotype right? It happens, it happens A LOT. Many a bee has posted about people hooking up at their wedding, sometimes married people and not with their spouses! It happens, it’s funny and it’s a reflection on THEM not you. It’s not as if they did it on the alter during the ring exchange!
Calm down, move past it and/or make it into a funny story. I promise you, this did not ruin your day, the only way it can do that is if you let it do so in your mind.
Post # 9
kiwihoney: I highly doubt everyone was laughing at you. I just don’t understand How the people closest to you would do that. They where probably laughing a the guests in question. Honestly, if this happened at my wedding, I would we making fun of my friend and think of it as a funny story. Unfortunately these things happen when you mix romance, girls in their best dresses, men in their best suits and booze. If this is all you can focus after your your wedding day where you marrithey our husband, perhaps you should reassess your priorities?
Post # 10
@ nessdawwg This isn’t my only focus or a reflection of my priorities. It is natural to be really upset I’m sure if you actually experienced this then you wouldn’t find it very funny. I do think you are right though that it would be healthiest to try and find the humour.
@ Everdeen Thank you I really appreciate what you wrote, you’re right and that does help me to put it into perspective. I am married to the love of my life so who cares about all the BS. I didn’t realise that this happens at a lot of weddings but it does make sense that it would. I guess people got carried away with the booze and all the love. Thank you x
Post # 11
kiwihoney: 1 of2 things has always happened at any wedding I’ve gone to. there has been a brawl or people have been busted shagging. Sometimes both lol. I guess I’m thinking in those terms I’d prefer the love over the war 🙂
Post # 12
🙂 That’s funny. Me too. Thanks 🙂
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
kiwihoney: Hell, at my cousin’s wedding we actually nearly ran over one of the groomsmen who was having sex with another guest in the field that was being used as a car park. It was quite funny. Then she spent the night trying to drunkenly and noisily break into the B&B owned by the groom’s family where most of the wedding party and family were staying so she could get in to see this guy, and literally no-one would let her in, or was impressed at all. So. These things happen, there’s always going to be a couple of people who get drunk and do something stupid.
Post # 14
I would just laugh it off. Honestly, when people are laughing, they aren’t laughing at you, they’re laughing at the two who were hooking up. What’s done is done, and you can’t really keep dwelling on it. FWIW, I had a family member hook up with my husband’s coworker on the night of the wedding, and that was pretty big talk for a while. I refer to the coworker as “Uncle” now as a joke. It’s nothing to get your panties in a twist over. Two adults made a bad decision – their decision isn’t a reflection on you.
Post # 15
That’s really awful. I hope you can move past it soon. That said, they both absolutely owe you an apology. I don’t care how common uncovered public sex with strangers at public events is–and honestly I’ve only ever seen/heard that on TV. It’s trashy (I wish I could think of a stronger word) and it’s unacceptable. For the record, I’m not one of those who excuses bad behavior just because the actor had been drinking. Actually, I question the character of anyone who has ever done anything like this. Be horny, fine. But have the decency to go to the backseat of a car or a bathroom stall. You’re just gonna drop down and get your eagle on where people can actually see you? At the most important event of someone’s life?An event for which they likely paid tens of thousands of dollars? I’d never EVER speak to either of them again.