Post # 1
I knew this moment was coming the moment I sent out my wedding invites. We are having a small wedding of 40 people including Us, our guests and wedding party. We only gave plus ones to engaged, married and lived in couples that we know. About half of our guests are single and we knew that if we gave them plus ones, then our list of 40 would then become 60+. We are on a very tight budget and we just can’t give everyone plus ones. Thankfully everyone invited knows atleast one or more poeple that has been invited so they don’t feel completely awkward and alone.
Anyway, got a message from a guest (who didn’t get a plus one) and he seemed annoyed that we are having a kid-free wedding and that we didn’t give him a plus one for his new GF. He told me that he is going to bring her anyway and if we didn’t have 100% RSVPs then there should be an extra seat for her…WTF.
Im so pissed that I wish we didn’t invite him at all. How can someone just take things into their own hands?! I want everyone to have a good time but I don’t want to start off my wedding with debt because we decided to cave in and give everyone plus ones and allowing their children to come.
Suggestions on how to make this less stressful, if possible? I have a feeling that I’m going to get more messages similarly to his (about either the kids not being invited and/or plus one questions).
the invite envelopes were addressed to specific people as well as the actual invite.
I feel like this part of the wedding is going to give me the most stress…
Post # 2
Tell him no he can’t bring his Girlfriend because she wan’t specified on the invitation and that you can not make a special exception for him since no one else is getting a plus one and this is his new girlfriend that you’ve never met.
Then tell him how incredibly rude this was and he doesn’t have to come if he can’t deal with not having a plus one.
Post # 3
Also hopefully your other guests who say something will at least be nicer about it and comply with yout answer even if they don’t like it. The fact that this guy said he doesn’t give a @^#* about what you wanted at your own wedding is WAY out of line.
Post # 4
I would uninvite him. What a great opportunity for you and your Fi to declutter your life with ungrateful people 🙂
btw I have the same rule and I have some people who are miffed, but if they want to pay for their extra meal for a stranger I don’t know then they can bring them along 🙃
Post # 5
I’m sorry, but your girlfriend is not invited. If she comes there will not be a chair nor will there be food for her. I understand if this means you can’t make it either.
Post # 6
The way he has gone about this is completely rude, so I would have no qualms in being blunt with him – “[rude guest] we are unable to accommodate your new girlfriend whether we have declines or not. Either come on your own or don’t come at all.”
We had very few children at our wedding – my underage siblings (13, 8 and 5 – all of whom were in the bridal party), DH’s nephews (4 and 1.5) and babies under 1 who were still nursing. We had a few guests ask whether their kids were invited or not – as they were polite about it, we just said that we were unable to accommodate children of friends and extended family, that we hoped they would still be able to attend but completely understood if it wasn’t possible. We only had 1 couple decline because they were unable to bring their kid (they were from interstate, so we probably would have said they could bring him but they asked my Mother-In-Law rather than us, which we didn’t find out about until after the wedding).
Post # 7
Totally agree with everything all the PP’s have said above.
The guy is a rude jerk, since he said he is going to bring her anyway, I would be super inclined to uninvite him. Your fiance and yourself might want to evaluate if that friendship is actually something you want long term, if not.. cut him loose. I’d be worried he would bring her (as he said he would) and that it would put someone out of a reception seat. You dont need drama of any sort on the day.
Post # 8
I agree with PPs. A simple “Our guest list is finalized and we simply cannot accomodate plus ones or children. We hope you can join us but understand if you can’t.”
Post # 10
Not sure why people have such a problem with this. If you can’t separate yourself from your new girlfriend or boyfriend for one evening then stay home.
Not a parent so I can’t fully speak on the children part, but some events just aren’t meant for kids and that should be up to the bride and groom.
Uninvite this jerk and enjoy your day 🙂
Post # 11
Wow, that’s some serious entitlement and rudeness! Is this someone you even want in your life going forward? I would just tell him the same as other PPs have above. Not having a plus one at event that size is completely normal and understandable. He can either suck it up and deal or you just saved yourself paying for his meal.
Post # 12
“If you don’t value our friendship enough to show us some basic respect, consider yourself uninvited. There won’t be a seat for you or your new girlfriend at our wedding.”
That’s pretty much what I would say. I had people add plus ones, but no one was that rude. Seeing as I have plenty of good friends who aren’t assholes, that would be friendship-ending for me.
Post # 13
What kind of friend is this whose attitude is “I don’t care what you think, I’m going to bring her anyway”.
I tend to sympathize with those in relationships who don’t get a +1, but in this case the newness of their dating plus his incredibly pushy and off-putting entitled attitude have me firmly on OP’s side here. He can politely decline the RSVP or he can come on his own, there is no mystery third option for him that he gets to dictate to you.
Plus, if you receive half a dozen declines and allowed this pushy ass to bring his new gf, how is it going to go over with other single guests who didn’t get a plus 1 themselves?
Post # 14
“Hey, I know you’re buying me dinner and entertaining me for the day, but I’d like you to double that cost and feed a stranger too”. Um no. He’s not a good friend, cut!
Post # 15
jazandlo : Hi there, I would be as kind and firm as possible. “Dear Jake, I understand that you want to bring your new Girlfriend, Sally, to the wedding, however, she was not invited. Please do not bring her. This is our special day and has been arranged so that there is enough seating for the people invited. If this is an issue for you, maybe you do not wish to attend”. Done and done. You don’t need to explain yourself. This is your wedding. Period.