(Closed) Plus One Issue (Not The Usual!)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Everyone is traveling to my wedding, and I mean flying (sure there might be the occasional person who decides to drive almost 1,000 miles if they live “closer” than the other guests, but for the most part it will be strictly air-travel for guests to get there), so everyone is getting a “+1.”  

Plus I think it is rude to assume that just because a person might be keeping their relationship “quiet” that they aren’t in one at all and are undeserving of a “+1,” so all adults should get one regardless. 

Post # 18
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@futuremrsk18:  for scenatrio one, I wouldn’t consider that a plus one. That’s a guests and a SO you can easily name because you know of that person.

To me a legit plus one is allowing a guest who is known to you as being unattached read single the oopportunity to bring another person they know to your wedding. Could be a date, could be a friend, could be a relative, could be a coworker. Regardless of the plus one you cannot dictate who comes to your wedding when you are simply placing “and guest” or “plus one” on the invite. If you want some say in who’s attending your wedding get some input from your single friend and invite both parties accordingly.

Post # 19
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@MrsTywinLannister:  I traveled to a friendvs wedding and wasn’t given a plus one. Really? I hop on a plane, rent a hotel room, rent a car, bring you a gift and you can’t even give me a plus one.  Then, come to find out she didn’t send me the official hotel info where she had a room block. So I missed out on the Out of Town goodie bags. She had the nerve to tell me this was a must have for when I was planning my wedding.

Post # 20
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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@CurlyCue:  WHAAAT! That is insane!!! 

I really just think it is rude, saving $ at the expense of a guest’s comfort and overall experience at your wedding becuase “you might not know the person” is so selfish and entitled that I can’t even properly explain how upset it makes me.  This problem is only getting worse as more television shows come out where the bride goes on and on about “her special day” and how “it’s ok because so-and-so did or didn’t do this,” etc.  

If people can’t afford to offer their adult guests a “+1,” then they need to scale back their wedding to one they can afford.  Personal finances are not your guests’ problem, they’re yours, so don’t punish them because you feel you are entitled to having this perfect pretty princess party you can’t actually pay for.  

Post # 21
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Its not about TV shows.  Every traditional etiquette book says no requirement for plus ones.  If guess can not spend one night without a date, they should stay home.  Its an invitation, not a summons.

Post # 22
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m not allowing anyone to bring a plus one to my wedding, purely because of numbers.

we already have 180 people coming and we just cannot afford anymore.

This has meant that it’s not really a choice for me, but people DO keep asking if they can bring someone with them.

I think even if I was allowing plus1’s, I’d only allow it if I knew the person coming…because, what IS the point of having strangers there on YOUR special day.

 

My rule is- If I know them well enough to go for a drink with them, then they can come. If I wouldn’t sit down and have a drink with them, they’re not worth spending £56 a head to be there. haha.

 

Post # 23
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Here’s a case for going on a case-by-case basis or the actual relationship rule.

I have been the random plus one and hated it.  I didn’t know anyone except my date and he was in the wedding party (his brother was getting married) so I sat at the table with the B&G who I met for the first time that day.

The way my date asked me (we’d been seeing each other for a few weeks) was “Have you ever been to a Jewish wedding before?” I said “No.” and he said “Would you like to go to one?”  I said “sure, why not” thinking it was just a few of his friends and then a week later he told me it was his brother’s. I would NOT have said yes if I’d known that he was in the wedding and it was a family wedding but at that point he’d told them and I couldn’t back out.

On top of it, I’m pretty sure I’m on their wedding video tape since the videographer went around asking everyone at the head table for well-wishes.  I split up with him about a month later and he wasn’t happy about it, so if I was on the video then I’m just that b**ch who dated their brother for a couple of months.  I know it’s a weird circumstance but to me, it would make sense to have +1s that are either long-term relationships or at least friends who know the B&G.

Post # 24
Member
3728 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@peachacid:  Not the vows! During the service. We had a full Catholic mass, so about an hour total. We were sitting on the alter facing our guests, so we could see everyone the whole time. Plus everyone came to the front to recieve communion. I totally didn’t care, I was just confused.

Post # 25
Member
2266 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Just for the record, a plus one is different from the significant other of an invited guest. If you are to invite a guest who is in a relationship, etiquette dictates that you must also invite their significant other by name. Consequently, it is not a “plus one”. By etiquette, plus ones are never mandatory (because they are only given to genuinely single guests) but significant others are. That being said, I think it is hospitable to extend a plus one to a guest who might know very few people at a wedding to ensure they have an even better time. I believe it makes the experience more enjoyable for your guest. I wouldn’t mind not knowing the plus one, and I would be happy to host them and to make a new friend!

Post # 27
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We had 35 guests and offered an additional 10 +1’s for all single guests, I also made it clear in conversations before the wedding that the +1’s did not have to be romantic interests. None of our single guests chose to bring a +1 though. Had they I would have been happy to meet them.

While DH and I felt that the ceremony was all about us, the reception was all about hosting our friends and family for the first time as husband and wife.  If bringing a +1 would have made our guests more comfortable then we wanted them to have that option! 

Post # 28
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@CurlyCue:  If a friend of mine invited me to an out of town wedding and didn’t give me a plus one, I just wouldn’t go. That is rude.

Post # 30
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think it is prudent to remember that any guest could become a belligerent, rude party animal. In fact I would bet it is more often someone known to the bride and groom that causes issues at weddings.

So I guess if we go by the articles warning we should just invite no guests to be on the safe side. No guests menas no one to ruin your PPD.

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