(Closed) Plus one issue

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

She probably didn’t want to give all the single’s plus ones, but figured she’d make an exception for you two. No biggie.

Post # 4
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds like she didn’t want to let everyone do it, but wanted to be consistient.  If people ask or it seems fitting she is willing to make exceptions. Sounds pretty smart, actually!

Post # 6
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mc77: Are you engaged? Or do you have an SO? If not then you can’t really blame her. She might not have known you wanted to bring someone.

Post # 8
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mc77: Hun, I think you’re letting your own insecurities cloud your judgement. You’re friend obviously didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You’re the Maid/Matron of Honor right? So the bride clearly loves you and wants you to be happy. Maybe she thought you’d be more hurt by getting the +1 (as if making it more prominent that you’re single).

Post # 10
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

plus 1 has personally been a huge issue with our wedding as well and i have to say i agree with the bride. i am only allowing plus 1’s for engaged/married couples regardless of age and that includes my Maid/Matron of Honor and a handful of bridesmaids who are not recieving a plus one. we have a max cap of 250 which we have already exceeded so if i start giving plus ones to everyone then we’ll have to cut out friends and family that we really want there. please dont take it personally, you are there to celebrate your friends marriage and since she asked you to be Maid/Matron of Honor you obviously mean a whole lot to her. but it sounds like you were able to work it out bc she told you you could bring a guest if you wanted.

Post # 11
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My Maid/Matron of Honor was not in a relationship or even dating.  I made sure that her other bff was invited (also a friend of mine), but I didn’t see it as my obligation to spend a ton of money on a person that neither one of us knows well (random +1) rather than spending time with each other.

We ended up with two uninvited +1’s at our wedding.  These total strangers cost us approximately $800.  One guest simply responded with a +1 rather than asking, and another asked my mom (although I paid), and pencilled in her friend.  We didn’t get a gift or card from the uninvited +1s.  I am genuinely insulted by this since we had to keep so many of our close friends off of the guest list to keep it in our price range.  

You should get a picture for what the wedding is really costing your friend and make sure that she really “owes” you and your roomate the +1’s (that presumable are not people that she knows) before you decide that she’s been rude.  My guess is that like me, she doesn’t want you to bring a +1, but wasn’t confrontational enough to tell you so when you inquired about it.

Post # 13
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mc77: it’s nice to say that now, but when you start looking at the per head costs, it is super expensive!  plus, from the bride’s point of view, it is a little weird to have people you’ve never met before at something as intimate as a wedding. she also did not breach any etiquette protocol.

i think your friend handled the situation very graciously- when you asked, she offered you both plus ones, which she most certainly didn’t have to do.  i think it wasn’t really your place to reprimand her and tell her she should clarify the plus one situation for all single guests. 

Post # 16
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@mc77: You have been involved in the planning of lots of weddings? And you think that plus 1’s for single folks is equivalent of plus ones for married folks? And when I say single, I mean single with no SO. Okay, carry on. Maybe you’ve been planning weddings where budget was not an issue but me thinks that thou art being a tad too sensitive.

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