(Closed) Plus one NOT a date, but a drinking buddy… SERIOUSLY!?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think there IS a way you can dictate to a guest who their +1 is…..  plus, he hasn’t made a decision yet – so, cross your fingers that he picks the girl.  If you are close to your cousin, you could ask him casually who he’s planning to bring and see if you could sway his choice – but I wouldn’t pick this as the hill to die on, if he ends up bringing him.

Post # 4
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

Since you gave him an open +1, I do think he can bring whomever he wants.  I don’t think you can tell him who he can and can’t bring.  If you had specified a guest’s name, then that’s a different story.

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

You can’t really dictate, but is there a way that your parents let his mother know that it isn’t acceptable to bring a “drinking buddy.” My only other suggestion is to let the bartender know who your cousin and his friend is so to cut them off after two drinks.

EDIT: Do you know the girl’s name?  Could you send another invite with his and his girl’s name on the invite?  (I don’t know if that’s poor etiquette, it probably is)

Post # 6
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

If you give someone a +1, I’m not sure that you can dictate who that is. Maybe say something in passing to someone who might pass it on? Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with the other bees. I’ve heard of people bringing a female friend as their “date” before.

Post # 8
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a sucky situation.  I think the alarm goes off at the words “drinking buddy”, not Friend.  It makes it sound like he’s only attending the OP’s wedding to get trashed.  I think the best thing you can do is, if he picks the drinking buddy, to ring up your aunt and hint that you’re a little concerned about his choice in date…but how you’d word that tactfully is beyond me.  I second the idea of having the bartender cut them off after two or three drinks. 

Sorry you’re in this one, I’d be P.O.’ed too.

Post # 9
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well you can’t really keep him from bringing his friend. If you are concerned his drinking buddy will drink your bar bill through the roof, I would just let them know you are on a buget…even if it is a big budget. LOL. Also, it may be fun for the single ladies to have more options. Smile.

 

Post # 10
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yeah, I’d be kind of annoyed too.  Unfortunately, this is the risk you run when you allow people to bring plus ones (we also allowed open +1s, so I could potentially be in the same boat).  You can always tell the bar to cut people off if they seem like they’re getting out of control… 

Post # 11
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ll second all the previous posters – you gave him an “and guest” and he now has the option to choose whoever on god’s green earth he wants to bring as that guest.  I know that isn’t what you want to hear but that’s really the truth of it all.

Post # 12
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I like the idea of mentioning it to your aunt. I bet she’d set him straight if she knew it would bother you.

Post # 13
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with previous posters that you can’t really dictate who he brings. But wow – who brings a drinking buddy to a wedding?! Hopefully it will dawn on him that it’s not really appropriate.

Post # 14
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

Maybe since he is not serious about either of the women he does not want to bring them to a family wedding. It does send a message to many women. And isn’t “drinking buddy” really just another way men might refer to their guy friends?

Post # 15
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sadly since he was given “Plus Guest” and not “Mr John and Miss Jane” there’s no real way you can tell him who to bring to your wedding. I did the same mistake and instead of inviting my friend and her boyfriend I wrote “Friend plus Guest” on her invite. Her Boyfriend or Best Friend can’t come so she’s bringing a random friend. Oh well. But I can’t tell her I don’t want her random friend coming and eating and getting drunk on my tab!

Post # 16
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

With an invitation saying “guest,” you can’t dictate.  I would have teh bartender cut them off after two drinks.

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