(Closed) Plus one problems!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

It seems like +1s is a big debate on the Bee. There are some who feel strongly that everyone should get a +1 and others who feel just as strongly that only those who are married, engaged, living together should recieve one. And then of course there are exceptions to the rule (people who won’t know anyone get a +1 etc).

For our wedding we opted for +1s for married/engaged/living together guests. This led to some awkward moments as some people assumed they had +1s and didn’t but it worked out pretty well.

When I was dating my husband I was almost always surprised and honored when his friends would extend a +1 to me. I also didn’t feel too hurt when they didn’t.

I think that, for the most part, people are pretty understanding that couples are under budget restraints and know you can’t give everyone a +1.

Plus, I’ve always thought it would be a little odd to have people at your wedding that you don’t know which would inevitably be the case if you extended +1s to everyone.

Post # 4
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have had this same problem as well! There are even plus 1’s I have not only only met once but also do not like… I feel that I will be under obligation to invite them anyway since I am close to their significant other, but it’s tough to decide!

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@CMSnails:  I second the “married, engaged or living together” rule for plus ones. We’ve also got an additional rule – if the guest is a close friend/relative and their plus one is someone we’ve met, they’re invited too (some of my family don’t live with SOs for religious reasons, and they may not be engaged yet).

If someone wants to bring a plus one, just for the sake of having one, I wouldn’t be too impressed. Pretty much all of my guests will know at least a few other people, whether it’s mutual friends or other family members, so I don’t see the point in having them bring more people.

Post # 6
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re giving them to everyone who was single and over the age of 18. Boyfriends, fiances and husbands will be invited by name.

For save the dates (which we’re sending 9 months before the wedding because of the high percentage of Out of Town guests), we’re only writing the names of people we want there, fiances and husbands (which means some couples have both halves mentioned and others only have one person mentioned). We didn’t want to imply an invitation for someone we would only invite because they are dating one of our friends if the relationship had not progressed to engagement. If they ask at after the save the dates go out about whether or not they can bring a guest I tell them they can bring one and to let me know if it is someone other than their boyfriend/girlfriend since  we want to write their names on the invitation.

Post # 7
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are only inviting +1s to friends who we know are in serious relationships, married, engaged, or living together.  our guest list is already almost 280 and I cannot afford to invite everyone with a +1. All of our friends and relatives who are in relationships have been in them forever.  

Post # 8
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My SO and I debate this one all the time, he says we should just invite the friends(/family in the case of a few unmarried cousins) and not their plus ones (like husbands, fiancees, BF/GFs) whereas I say everyone gets a plus one (and have organized my address list and head count accordingly)

Btw, for what it’s worth… we’re only looking at a total of 120 invites and assuming most of my west coast family (distant 3rd and 4th cousins) won’t make the trek to the east coast.

Post # 9
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We gave them to people in serious relationships/living together/married. Also any friends who we knew their dating partners also.

Post # 10
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re planning for all singles to bring a plus one just to make life easier. I didn’t want to originally, but most of my friends are in relationships anyhow. Also I think it depends on your age sometimes. If you’re young and most of your “group” is still in the single/party mode, plus ones probably aren’t a big deal.

Post # 11
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

Since you have posted for etiquette advice there is a correct and incorrect way to do this.

-All social units (married, engaged, living together) must be invited together.

-No one is invited with the name And Guest/+1.  Each guest is invited by name.

Anyone who is not in a social unit, is at your discretion.  Many people use a blanket rule (no one under 21, only first cousins), but it is certainly not required to be polite. 

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