Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married at a tiny venue and can’t accomodate more than 80 guests. We also really wanted to keep our wedding small and intimate. We agonized over our guest list and really struggled to keep the numbers down. We recently sent our save the dates via email, and several of our guests immediately contacted us asking if they can bring new significant others (i.e. people they have started dating in the last few months) to our wedding. Those asking include 1) an old friend from childhood, who tends to date totally dysfunctional men; 2) my tempermental younger brother, who has a tendancy to flip out and cause scenes if he does not get his own way. I want everybody to feel comfortable and have a good time, but I resent feeling like I have to include total strangers to keep my brother and friend on speaking terms with me, especially when my fiance and I are not able to include many people near and dear to us. Help! Should I try to squeeze these people in? Wait and see if we have extra space? If I cave and give in to my brother, how do I keep from resenting it and feeling angry on my wedding day?
Post # 3
My feeling is that you should accommodate your brother–not because he’ll throw a hissy fit, but because it’s a nice gesture for someone you’re that close to. If you’re still leaning against it, see if your folks have an opinion (since they know and love you both and may have a different perspective. You might also be able to say "the save the dates have already gone out to our list but as we start hearing from people, we might be able to add a date for you if people can’t come.) That being said, I don’t think you should feel obligated to add plus ones for anyone else.
And the way not to resent him on your wedding day? Look at that wonderful husband of yours. Your brother & his date will shut up and you can ignore them.
Post # 4
I think ErinMarguerite’s response is perfect! Be sure to let your guests know that you don’t think you can accomodate them at this point so that you set the expectation as "most likely no but I will keep your request in mind." I do think that your brother should be allowed to bring a plus one, since he’s family. Weddings tend to be very romantic so it can be very depressing to attend without your significant other – who are you supposed to dance with during all the slow songs???
Post # 5
I am having this same problem. I only allowed +1s for married, engaged, or living together. People that have called to request a + 1 or RSVP-ed for several more people than I alloted, I called and explained the space constaints. Most (but not all) have been very accommodating. If only these 2 people have requested +1s, is it worth the battle or can you squeeze in 2 more people?
Post # 6
Thanks all! It’s so nice to get some perspective and know that others are in the same boat. I guess on the big day, none of this will really matter.