- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
I had a question and thought this would be the best place for it. For our wedding in September due to budget and immense family size, we are only extending ‘guests/plus ones’ for those who are married, engaged or living together/extremely long-term who we know. In our bridal party, we opened this up further to anyone in a relationship no matter what ‘stage’ it is. I have two MOHs–one is my cousin and the other is my best friend. I went under the assumption (my mistake!) that neither of them wanted to bring anyone, as they are both single and expressed a desire to share a hotel room together the weekend of the wedding, so we all planned on that.
Long before invitations were decided or plus one guidelines told to our wedding party/friends, my cousin Maid/Matron of Honor informed me she had already invited her current fling to our wedding. Since she’s one of the MOHs and felt he was important enough to her to bring him, we made it work and I let her know about our general plus one limitations but that we love her, she’s a Maid/Matron of Honor, and we would love to have him there and asked for his last name for invitations and that we’d figure out the hotel room change down the road.
I just recently had my bridal shower, which she, the other Maid/Matron of Honor and my mom all planned beautifully and I was so touched. It was wonderful. After a great weekend of love and gratitude I thanked her so much for all of her effort (my mom paid for the shower but they helped pick details/decor/etc) and said how much I appreciated her/etc. Unfortunately I then got a myriad of text messages saying that the dude she’d invited might not be able to make it and she’d like to bring someone else. She then let me know that although we’d mentioned significant others were the only plus ones, since she doesn’t have a steady boyfriend her feelings were hurt that whoever she brings isn’t worth it if it’s not long term. Totally not my intention and I feel awful–that’s why we went to include the guy she was casually dating in her invitation who she had already invited.
She let me know she would consider her best long term relationship her best female friend and that she would bring her. I let her know again that if she wanted to bring a romantic partner she was seeing that would be fine, but that we’re trying to keep our guest list as intimate as possible so guests are only bringing significant others and not friends. She thanked for me clarifying and noted that relationships are delicate things but that everyone has different opinions on how things should run and that some people ‘utilize their budget for their guests maximum happiness’ and that things get murky when you try to set a relationship guideline or bar because she and i think differently about that.
I’m just generally not sure how to proceed? I feel guilty and shitty and like I should just give in and let her bring absolutely any human she wants, but we are really trying to avoid people’s random friends to fill spaces. We’ve also told a guest they could not bring their friend and I don’t to make a blatant exception. At the same time, I totally get that if anyone gets an exception it’s the Maid/Matron of Honor. I let her know many times she’s welcome to bring a guy she’s dating, even casually, but I don’t think she understands that every wedding is different with plus ones.
Any advice/help? Should I just let her bring anyone random to end the conversation? Or stick to our mutual guest list plus one decisions? If it helps, my other Maid/Matron of Honor can’t fathom why someone would want to bring a friend, let alone a date, to a wedding where 50% is her family, she’s busy as a Maid/Matron of Honor, and the majority of guests are single.