(Closed) Plus One Rule

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

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ca09:  The reality is, guests will not realize what your “rules” are unless you are being inconsistent within the same circles.  Your friends will likely have no idea who your mom’s out of state friends are and who their companion is, or whether they even are the friend’s companion. Also, it’s none of their business.  It’s your prerogative to not allow plus ones for your single friends but allow them for an older guest traveling out of state.  Reasonable people should understand this.

ETA: Yes, include “and guest” on the STDs so they can make travel plans accordingly.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by goblueca.
Post # 3
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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ca09:  We went by a case-by-case basis. No one ever complained, especially if they knew other people at the wedding. We didn’t want some of our younger friends who did not know our other friends to feel like they were alone, so we let them bring a date. Others who knew a big group coming, did not get a plus one. Everyone was just happy to be invited because they knew we had a tight budget!

Post # 4
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I went with case by case with adults. If my adult cousin had a guest, I’d include it. If it’s my teenybopper cousin, no thanks. You two will probably be split up in three weeks away.

Post # 6
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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ca09:  I would try to keep the same policy for circles of people. I would make an exception for people who have to travel and stay overnight for the wedding- asking someone to take a solo vacation or travel alone may end up with them not being able to come. I’ve had to decline an invitation for that reason- it was a small wedding and my SO wasn’t invited.  I didn’t feel safe driving that far alone in the middle of no where, renting a hotel room alone, and there was no one else I knew going to try to meet up with.

even if the Wedding Party doesn’t have a SO, still give them a guest. Most will probably decline but these people are close to you and have given a lot of time and money to be there for you and should be allowed the comfort of a date. I’m not sure where you seat them- I haven’t seen a head table done recwntly and instead they do seperate tables for the Wedding Party and their dates. 

Post # 7
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Hi, I hope you don’t mind me chiming in here. The official rule for Plus Ones is that it is considered a plus one when the guest is unattached and you are extending the courtesy of allowing them to bring a date/guest. This isn’t mandatory, but can be on a case by case basis.  For example a single friend who may not know anyone but the bride and groom should probably be given a Plus One.   Anyone who is in a relationship/engaged/married is to be invited as a unit.  These are NOT considered Plus ones.  Inviting someone and excluding their Significant Other is considered rude. 

Post # 8
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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gingerchick1226:  That’s what I was going to say – I wouldn’t count people in established relationships as having plus ones. If you’re inviting someone by name they are not a plus one. A plus one is where you allow your guest to bring a guest of their own.

If there is someone at your wedding who doesn’t know anyone else then it is courteous to give them a plus one. For example, my sister was given a plus one to a friend’s wedding as she only knew the bride (I was her plus one). My husband and I did not give plus ones to a friend of his from work as there were others from his work also there. 

Post # 10
Member
14017 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Your instincts were correct. Unless it’s a destination wedding for everyone, etiquette only requires an additional invitation for guests who are married, engaged, and living together. It is indeed considered rude to be inconsistent. The wedding party is not an exception. 

There is or should be no such thing as “and guest.”  You invite specific individuals and obtain their names to put on separate invitations. 

Mass mailed STDs never had any place in traditional etiquette and the preference is for personalized notes, emails or letters. The invitations themselves would be sent separately to each person’s  guest, using their name, once you’ve determined who that person will be.

 

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

 

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ca09:  If he is her BF, then yes, he should be invited.  Finding out the name isn’t a big deal.  you can always just ask for the correct spelling of his name 😉

 

Post # 12
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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ca09:  yes, if you know someone is in a relationship then you invite them as a couple. However,  if they haven’t been together for very long then it is acceptable to just invite the one you know, but if they don’t know anyone else then you give them a plus one so they may or may not bring their boyfriend/girlfriend.

If you aren’t sure of a name then that’s what Facebook stalking is for!

Post # 13
Member
3356 posts
Sugar bee

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weddingmaven:  I disagree that it is rude to be inconsistent,  and cannot think of any source who says anything other then the standard, social units must be invited together. 

There are so many systems of deciding that I don’t know how guests would know.  There is blood relation level (only first cousins), level of closeness  (I’m close to Bob’s kids,  but not Sally’s), and so on.  Hosts can ultimately decide to invite or not invite whomever they choose, and don’t have to justify it. 

If guests get upset is more a reflection on the guest then the host.

Post # 14
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

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ca09: My SO was extended an invitation to the wedding of my friend last year, eventhough they had a ‘rule’ of no additional guests for people that are not married. I was flying in (5 hour flight) and only knew the bride and one bridesmaid so if my SO were not invited, I probably wouldn’t have taken off work and put money into the hotel/flight/etc. 

Originally she started giving me the hotel options in the area better for one person and told me about their ‘rule’ to keep numbers low. I never asked to have an extra guest alloted to me but I think she realized it would make an out of town guest more comfortable and was very sweet – it may have ultimately made a difference in me attending or not though I never told her that. 

Post # 15
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

There is no hard and fast rule for this.  Do what works for you and what makes sense.  I gave a few singles plus ones (see below), but definitely didn’t allow it for everyone.

I gave most out of state guests a plus one (this isn’t even a big deal as most are married/family anyways so I was anticipating them to begin with) if they didn’t know anyone else coming to the wedding.  A few of our single out of state friends are traveling together and don’t need or want the +1.  A few of them do.  Any local friends all know one another, so the +1 in my eyes is not necessary for them*

*If my local friends are married/engaged/seriously committed (even if I didn’t know them) they were invited.

 

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