Post # 1
I don’t want to sound selfish, but honestly:
I am a recent graduate from an affluent private school on the west coast (I say this because the cost of weddings is relevant to my post) where getting engaged in college and marrying soon after is fairly common. My long term boyfriend (2+ years) has been invited to 3 weddings lately for fairly close friends of his, and none of them have invited him with a +1, even though they have all known me (albeit not as well, as I was not in their class).
Still, some of the marrying couples have been together for a SHORTER period of time than my boyfriend and I! Yet they expect him to come alone to their wedding. (Other friends have had the same issue, where they are not invited with guest, even though they have long-term significant others who are part of the same social group.)
These couples have all had pretty large family financial support (in this circle it is normal for parents to pay for everything, college, wedding, and beyond, sometimes even for the couple’s first home), so it seems rude to invite your very close friends, but not allow them a guest. I know it’s all about the bride&groom, and not the guests, but wouldn’t you want your friends to be happy? In my opinion, if you truly cannot afford to invite enough people to invite the long-term significant others of your closest friends…. well, that’s why many couples nowadays do not get married at 22/23. But the people in question here have the funds and have invited large guest lists.
It’s not about me, it’s about my boyfriend having to go solo…
Oh, and he is a former roommate and groomsman to one of the grooms, so it’s not like he’s “not a priority friend” or something. All 3 of the couples he is fairly close to.
Post # 4
I don’t count couples in exclusive relationships as plus ones, they are a social unit IMO. And my Darling Husband skipped out on a wedding while we were dating & living together, because I wasn’t invited.
Post # 5
I will never be a fan of couples not inviting SOs to thier wedding. I think its rude to invite people to come celebrate your love while dismissing thiers. My husband and I dated for 8 years before getting married so we encountered this issue a few times but never with close friends. Usually it was more distant friends or family who excluded one of us and then we just chose not to attend.
A lot of people disagree with me on this though and think the only couples worthy of being invited together are those who are engaged, married, or who they deem serious enough.
Post # 6
Even if the parents footing the bill have large budgets, they still have a budget. They may have decided to invite spouses, fiances, and partners (i.e., living together) but not boyfriends/girlfriends of guests. Look at it this way: if there 250 spots for a wedding, would you rather invite the Boyfriend + Girlfriend or Boyfriend + Another Family Member? Many people will choose the latter.
Also, I wouldn’t worry about your boyfriend going solo. He’ll have tons of friends at the weddings it sounds like.
Post # 7
aliceandrews : just because many people would choose that option doesn’t make it any less rude.
My husband & I got married after a year and a half, hikingbride & her husband waited 8 years. It’s rediculous to think my 1.5 year relstionship would be considered more serious or legitimate than hers was at the 7 year point.
Post # 8
kharpe6 : I think people take things *far* too personally on this plus one business. No one is judging anyone’s individual relationship. The bride and groom don’t have an infinite amount of money (or simply want a small wedding) and don’t have room. I didn’t get invited to some weddings when Fi and I were dating because we didn’t live together (didn’t believe in it then). It would have never occurred to me to be offended.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
I personally believe everyone over 18 gets a plus one (excluding proclaimed perma-single people. special needs, etc.)
To me, If you can’t afford to invite everyone on your list and their plus ones, you need to go up a level of family (exclude 2nd cousins, once removed’s etc.), exclude children, or find a way to cut the budget elsewhere. There are so many ways to cut a budget without cutting people’s SO’s and I think if you’ve exhausted all of those first then you really should just elope/have a small direct family only wedding because you can’t actually afford a wedding if you can’t afford to give every adult on your guest list a plus one.
I know my views are looked down on by some, but I’m DOING a wedding on a budget and I fully plan on giving plus ones to everyone over 18 and I’m cutting the budget elsewhere so I can invite everyone I want. Having them with me with their SO is more important than fancy table runners 😉
Post # 10
aliceandrews : I didn’t have an infinite amount of money and wanted a small wedding and still managed to invite all of our guests’ SOs.
And it’s not necessarily offensive (I’m not cutting people out of my life over this) but I’d rather spend my money and time on a nice night out with my partner than go to a wedding without him. I think it really does effect people’s ability to have a good time at thier wedding. Yes, people can go without thier partners and still have a good time but I think they will have a better time if thier partner can be there too.
Post # 11
I would be super annoyed. Especially for the one he’s a groomsmen in. Like wtf is that?
Post # 12
aliceandrews : agree to disagree here. While people are not judging individual relationships, they’re still judging them. I’ve seen way more bees than I thought I would argue that unmarried couples couldn’t possibly be as commuted as married couples. I simply refuse to spend money to celebrate someone else’s relationship if they can’t even respect mine. Just because it didn’t bother you, doesn’t mean that OP’s feelings are invalid.
Also, Darling Husband & I had 10 people at our wedding. We HATE one of his good friend’s gf. She was there, because we respect and love his friend. So the small wedding or budget argument just doesn’t make sense to me.
Post # 13
My feeling is this…if you can’t afford or don’t want to invite the S/O of one of your guests, then don’t invie that guest. You trim your guest list by cutting the guest AND his/her S/O. And then you’ll have room for 2 extra family members if they’re that important to you. But cutting out someone’s S/O – no matter if they’re married, engaged, living together, dating, whatever – is rude. Period.
Post # 14
a2565bee : imo, it’s rude not to invite you. but you can’t control others, and you can’t make people behave appropriately. so that said, there is a VERY simple solution to him going solo to these weddings – he can just decline. and if he refuses to decline just because you’re not invited….then it sounds like you have a boyfriend problem, not a friend problem.
Post # 15
If they’re not paying a cent for the wedding, as you’re implying, I wonder how much a say they actually have. Sure, they may want to invite the girlfriends of their friends but do their parents want to invite the girlfriend of their son’s friend when they probably have never met that friend (let alone his girlfriend)?