(Closed) Plus-one thoughts … Young couples

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s pretty rude. I wasn’t invited to my FI’s close friends’ wedding after we had been together 6 years, and living together. I actually considered her a friend too (went to uni together). I didn’t saying anything though and Fiance went to the wedding, but I’m not inviting her to our wedding. 

Post # 17
Member
632 posts
Busy bee

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a2565bee :  If the parents are fully funding the wedding, then they likely have a significant say in the guest list.  Even when people are wealthy there are budget and size limitations at venues.  When the couple are already inviting assumably dozens of mutual college friends of your boyfriend it doesn’t seem intentionally cruel to not give him a plus one.  While your relationship may be serious, I can see parents not accommodating the idea of inviting the SO of every college friend when they likely consider 19-22 year olds to be kids to some degree. 

 

Post # 18
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

Our list is only 50 people, I still made sure everyone had a plus one, whether I had any idea who that person was or not. Skipping legitimate partners? Rude as hell.

Post # 19
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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a2565bee :  if I was your Bf I would decline all 3 invites. If someone doest count my long term relationship as important enough then their wedding is not important enough. The end.

Post # 20
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

in the case of the OP, I’d say it’s rude… we ended up feeling rude as DH’s sister (20yo) got a boyfriend in the time between invites going out and the wedding. After much deliberation, we decided not to invite him as we hadn’t met him at all, and he wouldn’t know anyone else there (he hadn’t met anyone except her parents).

DH was invted to weddings while we were dating without me, and basically if the person getting married only knew him then I found it ok… if I knew them and we had interacted as couples, not individuals, then I got annoyed (if that makes sense??).

Post # 21
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I have a blanket rule for wedding invites where my so isn’t also invited; decline and then forget about it. Some people just can’t etiquette and I have zero desire to get dressed up, possibly travel, buy a gift and spend an evening watching other couples dance. 

Post # 22
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

I personally think it’s rude to not invite the significant other of a bridal party member. In fact, everyone in our Bridal party gets a plus one even if they aren’t dating anyone. We’ve now decided (and budgeted) to give every single guest a plus one, but when we were first figuring it all out and beginning to plan, the VERY first thing we put on the list was SO’s or plus ones for the Bridal party members. 

Post # 23
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee

If you’re in a serious relationship, which you are, you get an invite. It’s rude not too. 

Now my cousin who just started dating someone and asked for an invite? No sir. Not yet at least. It’s $270/plate. 

Post # 24
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
kharpe6 :  The budget argument doesn’t make sense to me either, because if the couple was married you would find the budget. If a couple is about to get engaged in a few weeks but hasn’t yet, you can’t afford it, but if they bring the engagement forward a few weeks then you can afford it? 

Post # 25
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

Heavens knows this has been hashed, rehashed, and rehashed again more times than anyone can count.  I think we can all agree to disagree and acknowledge that reasonable minds differ on this one.  At my wedding, the married/engaged/living together framework scooped up nearly all the couples.  We have a smattering of folks who have been dating 5+ years and don’t live together and we invited them as couples as well.   I anticipate some single friends (as of when save the dates went out 6 months before the wedding) will want to bring a new beaux and we will have to consider those on a case by case basis.

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a2565bee :  Any update on what’s going on?

Post # 28
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

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a2565bee :  you were invited to the wedding shower, but not the actual wedding for one of the couples? 

Post # 29
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

This is kinda off topic to the original post but in regards to being invited to the “gift thing.” Do people expect to get all the wedding gifts at those showers and that’s why they would invite you to that but not the wedding? We aren’t doing showers or anything so idk about this but we did register simply because our guests kept telling us to. 

Post # 30
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I am a young bride by today’s standards. I just turned 24 and I’m getting married later this year. 

1. Re: Your most recent update. You were invited to the WEDDING SHOWER but not the actual wedding? I cannot wrap my head around how RUDE that is.

2. Your man is going to be a groomsman in a wedding and you weren’t invited? Bridal party members ALWAYS get dates.

3. When I made my guest list, I didn’t count friends in serious relationships/partnerships as “plus ones.” They were invited as a unit, together. Whether or not they lived together or are engaged did not matter – if I know they’re in a serious relationship, they were invited. No doubt about it.

 

Now…when it came to giving a “plus one” or guest to single (when I say single, I mean without bf/gf) friends,  I based it on a variety of factors. First and foremost, would they know anyone else at the wedding? If not, they could bring a guest. Also, everyone I invited from out of town was given a guest- if they’re going to make the trip out here they should be able to bring someone. 

The only adults that weren’t explictly given a guest were a few single HS friends and sorority sisters, who are all really close with one another. And a few single young adults from FI’s church who live at home and were invited with their parents – in FI’s culture, you would never bring a random date to a wedding that your parents are attending, it would have been weird to give them a guest.

I understand that some people believe everyone 18+ needs to get a guest but I made a few exceptions.

In your case, however, I really think you should have made the list. Even without his last name, you’re still a “unit.” 🙂

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