- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
Hello Ladies! Looking for your valuable insight on a couple of guest-related issues.
We are having an evening wedding on New Year’s Day, after 5 pm. We agreed upon 110 people as our church is teeny-tiny and anything more would be impossible. We both come from huge families so in order to keep it at 110, we are literally having just family & 4 friends BETWEEN US and eliminated all children with the exception of the bridal party: 1 flowergirl, 2 ringbearers and 1 junior bridesmaid. The jr. bridesmaid and one ringbearer are my actual niece & nephew, my brothers’ children. The other 2 kids are a cousin’s son & daughter. Ages are 3,4,6 & 12.
Here is the problem: I have plenty of cousins and all but 2 have children & all but the bridal party are 10-17 in age. I think most will understand that we don’t want 50+ children at our evening wedding & leave them with the babysitters we will provide (teenaged cousins) at a family home in the area. The exceptions are my two cousins who are sisters and single-moms who both had their kids later in life (38 & 39). Their kids are now 14, 12 and 11 but honestly, they are the most ill-behaved kids you’ll ever meet. They have no manners and generally spend family gatherings yelling, screaming and hitting one another when they are not breaking something, running around or playing video games. The moms want to be their friends and hence do not discipline them ever. Ever.
We’ve had two family functions in the past few months where the invitations said “Adult Only Evening.” The first was a birthday party for a 59 year old cousin and the moms called the hostess to inquire WHY it was not a kids included function. They were told why and the moms continued to lobby for their kids’ attendance. Eventually, despite living no more than 3/4 mile from the party, the mom cousins decided not to attend since their kids were not invited & then set out to bad mouth our cousin who threw the party, saying she was rude not to include the kids.
The other party was a 50th wedding anniversary at private club, after 6 & black tie. The mom cousins showed up with kids in tow (in sweats no less) despite knowing that they were not invited. When the party hosts asked if they had read the invitations, they said “Yes, but I didn’t care. My kid goes where I go.” The kids played their DS games WITH FULL VOLUME during the toasts and a presentation by a state senator (pure class) and turned the dancefloor into a mosh pit for a bunch of 70 & 80 somethings!
My concern is this, I am afraid that if I invite them they will bring their children regardless of the fact that they know they were not invited. I think they will use the bridal party kids as an excuse. I’d love to invite all of the kids, but we stopped counting when we got to 50 on my side alone and anyone over 8 is considered an adult to the caterer so we’d more than double our budget if we include kids.
Should I invite my cousins and just hope for the best? Do I have a blunt discussion with them explaining my expectaions or should I just not invite them? I know they’d be hurt if they weren’t invited, but I honestly do not want the kids there. Am I allowed to have my day of coordinator refuse them entrance if they do show up with kids?
The other thing is that one of the cousin moms has an on again-off again boyfriend and I’m wondering if I am supposed to invite him if I invite her. They’ve been dating for at least 3-4 years, but they seem to break up every 2-3 months for a good 2-3 months & then reconcile & begin the cycle again.