(Closed) Plus Ones & Kids

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
255 posts
Helper bee

I personally think you should have a discussion with them and let them know no other kids are invited, you can do it in a nice way (as in, just ‘happen’ to have a talk with them about how you feel really bad that you cant but you just have to put your foot down – talking about all kids, not theirs).

Regarding the boyfriend? I think put his name on the invite, but then make it clear in the convo that it is him only – and if he doesn’t come she cant bring a kid!

I think they sound really rude (IMO) – this is your wedding and it is a perfectly reasonable ask – and IF she badmouths you (sounds like it may be in their natures…) they are just going to sound like entitled rude women.

Post # 4
435 posts
Helper bee

I’d talk to them about it and explain that their kids are not invited and the reason.  They can decide if they wan t to come or not.  I don’t see why you can’t have your day of Co politely tell them if they arrive with kids that kids will not be admitted.  I guess you have to invite the Boyfriend or Best Friend.  Maybe, they’ll be broken up that month.Smile

Post # 6
923 posts
Busy bee

tootietoo2 I am in the same boat!! We are trying to keep the head count to 85, 100 tops but with all the children in my family and between our two groups of friends it puts us at well over 120 guests!! We are throwing an evening semi formal wedding and I really want our good friends and close family to come. However, so many have very young children (one cousin has 6 kids under 8 years old!) and some of the kids are just plain loud and rude like the one’s you were describing! The only way to keep the headcount (and budget) down is to make the event for 18 and over only. I just told myself that I know some people might be offended or wouldn’t be able to come if they can’t bring their kids and just keep telling myself that they will get over it.

We had an engagment party where EVERYONE was invited, so it’s not like they havn’t been able to come to anything. What if you guys did something like that after the wedding? An informal backyard BBQ of sorts where everyone can bring their kids. Hey you can even make it a potluck type thing and just provide the main course yourselves. Even if you’re wedding is in winter wait until summer to do it. Then you’ll have time to plan it and save up the money. When people come to you and complain about the wedding thing, you can say “Due to budget constraints we just can’t afford to invite everyone that we’de like to, so we are having a big wedding celebration next summer where everyone and their children are invited. I really hope to you and your kids there!” Depending on what your wedding dress looks like maybe you’de like to get it altered to a short style and then wear it to the celebration.

Overall, there will probably be people who will be upset or even not come due to the no children thing. Do you have to have the children IN your wedding? It does kind of set a double standard, like some kids are more important then others. Not that that’s the case, but you know what I mean. That’s why I’m not having any children in the wedding party just to keep everything fair and even. Your family members can complain all they want but at the end of the day they are not paying for your wedding. If it is a formal or semi-formal affair they need to respect that. Maybe you can talk to the people doing your invitations and see if they can help you with some very clear wording so everyone gets the point. For instance “admission by invitation only” “adults only, no one under the age of 18” but nicer…know what I mean? You’re not the only person who’s had to worry about this so ask your vendors for their help and suggestions. They do this more then we do.

Let us all know how it works out!

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