(Closed) Plus Ones

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The correct thing to do is to invite the girlfriend by name. Etiquette does not require you to extend “plus ones” to your single guests, but you must invite significant others. To not invite her would be a serious snub. 

Post # 3
113 posts
Blushing bee

One thing Im really not looking forward to about having a wedding is inviting and paying for people I don’t know.

I’d just pick up the phone and have a chat with him/her and explain. If they make out that they’re expecting her to come then just invite her, but if not then don’t worry about it.

Post # 4
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SCam:  There are basically 3 (or maybe 4) schools of thought on partners:

1. “no ring no bring” – only married, engaged and living together partners.

2. All partners who’ve been dating a reasonable amount of time, regardless of whether they live together or have a ring.

3. All partners are invited.  

4. Every adult guest, even those who are single, can bring a +1.

The important thing – common to all of these – is that you are consistent for all your guests, making no judgement on how well you know the partner. So for instance, I went for option 3 – for everyone who was in a relationship, we invited their partner, regardless of how long they’d been dating.

So in your case the question is: how are you handling it for other guests? If all other guests in serious relationships have their partner invited, then yes, it is disrespectful not to invite this guy’s gf. If however you’re doing “no ring no bring”, then – while personally I don’t like it – at least you’re treating all guests equally.

Post # 5
11357 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

In this situation I would likely follow aussiemum1248:‘s number 1 scenario. Unless this couple is married or engaged or is living together (etiquette presumes that a couple that is living together is secretly married), you do not need to include the girlfriend of the one male friend.

Post # 6
2881 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The 2 singles and the couple. Regardless of whether you know her well or not it IS disrespectful to omit inviting her. 

Post # 7
6531 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

SCam:  you don’t have to extend an invite to the singles woth a plus one. The one friend with a longtime gf should get a plus one and when sending them the invite you should address it to mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe NOT Mr. John Smith and guest that would be rude. You only use “and guest” if you are inviting a single person and are allowing them to bring someone to accompany them

Post # 8
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

SCam:  It’s nice to accommodate dates if you can but there are only certain people you must invite (spouses, engaged couples and people who live together). If she doesnt fall into one of those groups there is no rule that says you have to invite her. If the other 2 guys are truly single they may not mind coming dateless even if she is invited. It’s totally your call on whether to invite her or not. 

Post # 9
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it is incredibly rude to not invite a significant other. All of my husband’s groomsmen brought somebody (Mostly girlfriends) and I didn’t know most of his groomsmen and we both didn’t know any (With the exception of the best man’s wife) of the significant others.<br /><br />Just because you don’t know them, in my opinion, is not a good enough reason to not invite. You’re asking them to come and celebrate your love, the least you can do is allow their significant other to show up.

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Post # 10
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

IMO, it’s not disrespectful to not invite the girlfriend if they don’t live together and you aren’t letting everyone else being boyfriends and girlfriends. As long as you aren’t singling her out, then it is totally fine.

Post # 11
967 posts
Busy bee

Simple solution. Married, engaged, live in bf/gf and SO’s of the wedding party need to be invited together as well as other plus ones for bridal party. 

Post # 12
8441 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

SCam:  Are you inviting other people’s girlfriends/boyfriends? If so then you should extend an invite to her also.

Post # 13
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


aussiemum1248:  I tend toward number 3.  If they’ve been together a considerable amount of time, I’d invite the girlfriend.  But I am with the OP and told my Fiance that I am not paying for his buddies’ flavors of the week to come and never see again. LOL.

Post # 14
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Here is my view on this– you absolutely have to invite someone if they are married or engaged and a lot can happen between now and your wedding. Of the 100 households (so married couples or individuals) that we selected when we were first engaged,  at least 8 of the couples got engaged between making the list and the wedding (and 2 of them got engaged and married during the length of our engagement!). I recommend inviting all established couples. We also had at least 5 or 6 non-engaged couples move in together during that period.

As far as people not in established couples, I don’t believe in +1s. What we did was reach out to everyone on our guest list to see if they have someone they would like to bring. If they had a name, the guest was invited by name.

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