Post # 1
hey all! Just wondering if we could get some feedback. The old “plus one” dilemma, what were your rules? We’re thinking “engaged, married or living together” as we want to respect those who feel serious enough to move in together but aren’t or don’t choose to be married. However we each (on both sides) have cousins who’ve been dating their SO for awhile and I’d say it’s serious. The one however is a senior in college so I’m leaning towards no, while my FI’s is an older cousin. What do you guys think? TIA!!
Post # 2
To make things easier, we just gave everyone plus one’s.
Post # 3
Anyone who was in a relationship was allowed to bring thier SO. I had several guests thank me for thinking of thier boyfriends/girlfriends and inviting them to the wedding. Also, anyone in the wedding party was extended a +1, even if they weren’t in a relationship.
Also, my husband and I dated for 7 years before getting engaged/moving in together. We were absolutely serious that entire time. It’s a lot eaiser if you don’t decide that you get to judge the seriousness of other people’s relationships. For all you know thier current SO could be the person they end up marrying, even if they’ve only been together a short time or are still in college or aren’t living together.
Personally, I didn’t want to ask people to come celebrate my love and not even recognize thiers.
Post # 4
msweddingbee : If we knew someone was in a relationship – i.e. if it was serious enough to be public knowledge – then we invited the partner (by name). Our reasoning was, that’s how it works for any other mixed social gathering: if you invite someone, you invite their partner.
My problem with your criterion is it excludes people who are serious but who choose not to live together before getting engaged or married.
Post # 5
We’re inviting the partner of anyone in a relationship, regardless of the length of time. Our invites are going out tomorrow and the only exception to this is a friend who only started dating a girl last week (she currently lives overseas otherwise we probably would have extended the invite to her as well).
When it comes to truly single guests, however, we drew the line a bit differently for plus ones. An elderly family friend on my FI’s side, for example, was given a plus one (she’ll most likely bring her son) as she doesn’t drive and has medical concerns that require her to have someone with her. We didn’t give my 18 year old cousin a plus one, on the other hand, as he isn’t seeing anyone and will be seated with the family (so will know plenty of people there).
Post # 6
hikingbride : +1 Especially this part:
“It’s a lot eaiser if you don’t decide that you get to judge the seriousness of other people’s relationships.”
Yes, yes, and YES.
Post # 7
We’re in the middle of finalising our guest list and we’re inviting plus one’s for almost everyone. Most of our friends and family are in serious relationships.
We don’t have a rule as such, but if any family members were in a relationship we’d invite their partners, and friends – if they’d been together for a few months. I find it hard to judge if it’s serious or not, as everyone is different.. but as long as they’d been together for a few months.
For those who are single or not in a serious relationship, we’d only offer a plus one if they didn’t know anyone coming (or only knew one or two people). We want everyone to feel comfortable and enjoy the night, although I completely understand when people say they need to cut back on numbers, as it adds up so quick!
Post # 8
Everyone was invited as a couple or with the option to bring a +1. Our single friends all turned down the option and opted to come alone citing reasons such as “your wedding is in Stockholm! Bringing a date would be like bringing sand to the beach!” 😂 They wanted to enjoy the local options once the wedding was over…
Post # 9
We’ll be giving all our single invites a +1, just out of courtesy. I’ve been granted the same option a few times previously as well when I wasn’t in a relationship, and while I found the gesture incredibly generous and thoughtful, I just didn’t really have anyone I wanted to bring along so I always just went along by myself 🙂 So I think giving everyone a +1 is courteous, but at the same time you shouldn’t expect everyone to bring a +1.
Post # 10
Our rules were no +1s unless:
1. We knew them well
2. You were married or engaged
Thats it. We had an intimate wedding and wanted to know every person there. Too often even people living together will break up, and then we’re looking at our wedding photos thinking, “Who’s that? Oh yeah that one boyfriend you had in 2016.” In fact, two couples who had both lobbied to bring their live-in girlfriends broke up before the wedding. You’ll feel terrible. People will beg and try to make concessions. Stand firm. It’s your wedding. They can do what they please at their wedding. If they don’t get married, they’ll be happy their ex wasn’t allowed to come. Trust!
Post # 11
banjoream : just checking you’re cool with your husband not being invited to those people’s weddings?
You probably are fine with that, but a lot of people who exclude people’s partners from their own wedding think they have a right to both be invited to these people’s future weddings because they’re married. And, ugh. “We’re not inviting your partner but you better invite us both when you get married because ring”.
OP – I’m inviting everyone who is in a relationship together. It is no fun at all being separated from your other half at a wedding, and it’s really offensive if the couple invite some partners but not others. what are those whose partners didn’t make the cut supposed to think? Yes it’s your wedding, but that’s not a pass to treat your friends and family badly. If it’s only two SOs you’re talking about, I think it’ll be easier for you to just include them as it won’t break the bank!
Post # 12
Well, you’re not actually talking about plus ones, you’re talking about whether or not to include people’s significant others. We invited everyone’s girlfriends and boyfriends, no matter how long they’d been dating. We also gave +1’s to the wedding party. It made things a lot easier just to recognize all relationships equally.
Post # 13
msweddingbee : so until a few months ago the ‘engaged, married, living together’ rule wouldnt of classed me and my finace… we have been together 10 years and have kids, certainly more commited than people I know who have moved in together in under a week and then broke up 6 months later (I know lots of this happening)
rules like this are just stupid… there are so many exception
the rule should be if someone is in a relationship at the time of inviting they get a +1, if someone phones up a week before and says they met someone in a pub then its a no but anyone if they have been together from when the invite went out weather its 3 months or 30+ years get a +1 dispite how they choose to live their private life
Post # 14
My rule was to give +1s to anyone in a relationship or to people who wouldn’t know many people at the wedding. FWIW, I didn’t classify a timeline on a relationship, because I didn’t think it was my place to judge how serious a relationship was at the time.
Post # 15
msweddingbee : We gave all of our guests a plus one. I would rather them be comfortable and have the option of bringing a date if they were single.