(Closed) Plus Ones

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7220 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@TypeABride2013:  I have all of my bridal party plus ones. Beyond that we have them to people who live together, are engaged, married, or dating someone. Basically if we had a name to put on the invite instead of “and guest” they got   invited (except the Bridal Party a few of them got random plus ones). Do the single people know other people there? Are they  traveling? I think it’s always nice to have someone to travel with. However, if  someone is single it is not ride to invite them without a plus one.

Post # 4
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I have given everyone a plus 1, regardless of relationship status. If you have room I think that’s the way to go. If you are trying to cut, make sure you still give bridal party and family plus 1s. And if you know someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend, invite them. 

Post # 5
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee

Bridal party and family members should get plus-ones.  You could invite friends without a plus-one if you need to condense the guest list, but it depends on the guest.  If the single guests know a lot of other guests, it would be easier to invite them alone, compared to a single guest who doesn’t know anybody else at the wedding.  

Post # 6
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We gave our bridal party +1s (although most of them are married, so I don’t think that even counts), and gave the one single guy the option of a +1, which he declined. He lives out of state and isn’t seeing anyone, so the chances that he’ll get a date to pay for airfare and a hotel to go to the wedding of someone they don’t know is slim to none. No one got an open +1 at all. We invited close friends and family along with their spouses/SOs, but they’re all long term SOs, no randoms.

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

@TypeABride2013:  It is rude to split up social units, so families, couples, etc.  You are not required to give single guests a plus one, but anyone in a current relationship should be invited with their SO.  Hope that helps!

Post # 8
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@TypeABride2013:  how close are you with your entire family (asking because your side is bigger)? If there are people on your list who you haven’t seen in 10-20 years maybe you can cut them from the guest list and give their places to +1s  of the people you’re closer to, like your friends. My guy has 21 first cousins. We only invited the 3 little ones who still need to go everywhere with their parents. 

Post # 10
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Anyone in a relationship should get a +1.

All Bridal Party memebers should get a +1.

Immediate family members should get a +1.

It’s also considered polite (though not required) to give anyone who has to travel or doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding a +1.

Post # 11
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@TypeABride2013:  …aaaaaaaand *this* is why we are doing a teeny tiny wedding out of state and a big “everyone bring everyone” reception/party back home: I’m too terrible with this sort of thing :-/

 

I agree with other gals: if you afford to give a +1 to single folks, I think it’s very nice.

Post # 12
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Our “rules” were that you had to be either living together or engaged/married in order to get a +1. We did this to keep the count down, but we have been getting a lot of heat for it. So… once all our RSVPs come in we’ve told people that we’ll begin to hand out +1s as we can. Seems like everyone was ok with that. 

Post # 13
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

@thenextmrsi:  I’m sorry you are getting heat, however, if people have an SO, that SO should be invited regardless of whether or not the couple is engaged, living together, married etc.  Sounds like you are trying to fix the situation, though.  Good Luck!

 

OP, sounds like you are in a bit of a bind.  Good luck sorting it out, sounds as if you are on the right track.  However, I caution you against inviting over the capacity of the venue.  That is against fire code, and the venue and possibly you and your Fiance could get cited and fined.

Post # 14
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Bridal party, people that have been dating for awhile, or if they won’t know other people at the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@TypeABride2013:

I posted this on your other board too. I’m sorry they are giving you such a hard time.  We have also had some bridal party members who have gotten into relationships since we sent save the dates.  It’s even more stressful because we met a new friend group after picking a venue too!  We also have this situation because a lot of people think Fiance is a close friend, but I haven’t met them or heard of them in the 4 years we’ve been together 

 

I know from experience that you’re in a stressful place right now!  You can’t tell your aunt, first cousin, or close friend “sorry I sent you a save the date, but FI’s BBFL has been hooking up with some girl this month, so we gotta make cuts.”  You just can’t plan your wedding around other people’s life decisions by changing the venue either.   Again, you should extend a date to everyone in a committed relationship, but you just can’t do it. 

 

Solution: Be gracious, appologize, and appologize some more.  Don’t put the blame on them, but put it on yourself.  “I should have had more foresight to think that my friends would be in relationships last year when I chose the venue, but I didn’t. I am so sorry. It is my mistake.  I understand that you’re upset, and I will do the best I can to accomodate everyone.”  You could take those that are mad out to lunch or coffee to make them feel special!   If you do all these things, and they are still mad at you,  I would reconsider being friends with them.  If they are this close to you that they’re in the bridal party, they won’t want you to be so stressed about making them happy on your wedding day! 

Post # 16
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think EVERY GUEST deserves a +1, and that is what I offered at my wedding.  I don’t think it is my right to judge another’s relationship status, and I certainly would not expect someone to attend my wedding/reception/party alone.  I think it is rude. 

I think if space is an issue, then a different venue is in order, or don’t invite everyone you know.  If money is the issue, then choose a less formal or fancy venue.

But don’t expect people to dress up, drive, and eat alone.  That is just awful.  So then they can watch all the happy couples??  How awful for them.

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