Post # 1
My wedding venue holds up to 130 people. I come from a very large family so a big chunk of my invites are aunts, uncles, and cousins. My fiance’s family is on the smaller side so a big portion of his guests are friends. We did our best to keep the invite list to near the room capacity. At this point, we plan to invite 140 people. The 140 consists of married couples, engaged couples, cohabitating couples and a bunch of single people. What is the rule with plus ones? Is the bridal party automatically given a plus one? Is it rude to deny people a plus one?
Post # 3
@TypeABride2013: I have all of my bridal party plus ones. Beyond that we have them to people who live together, are engaged, married, or dating someone. Basically if we had a name to put on the invite instead of “and guest” they got invited (except the Bridal Party a few of them got random plus ones). Do the single people know other people there? Are they traveling? I think it’s always nice to have someone to travel with. However, if someone is single it is not ride to invite them without a plus one.
Post # 4
I have given everyone a plus 1, regardless of relationship status. If you have room I think that’s the way to go. If you are trying to cut, make sure you still give bridal party and family plus 1s. And if you know someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend, invite them.
Post # 5
Bridal party and family members should get plus-ones. You could invite friends without a plus-one if you need to condense the guest list, but it depends on the guest. If the single guests know a lot of other guests, it would be easier to invite them alone, compared to a single guest who doesn’t know anybody else at the wedding.
Post # 6
We gave our bridal party +1s (although most of them are married, so I don’t think that even counts), and gave the one single guy the option of a +1, which he declined. He lives out of state and isn’t seeing anyone, so the chances that he’ll get a date to pay for airfare and a hotel to go to the wedding of someone they don’t know is slim to none. No one got an open +1 at all. We invited close friends and family along with their spouses/SOs, but they’re all long term SOs, no randoms.
Post # 7
@TypeABride2013: It is rude to split up social units, so families, couples, etc. You are not required to give single guests a plus one, but anyone in a current relationship should be invited with their SO. Hope that helps!
Post # 8
@TypeABride2013: how close are you with your entire family (asking because your side is bigger)? If there are people on your list who you haven’t seen in 10-20 years maybe you can cut them from the guest list and give their places to +1s of the people you’re closer to, like your friends. My guy has 21 first cousins. We only invited the 3 little ones who still need to go everywhere with their parents.
Post # 9
There are basically about 10 people that are single.
When I first got engaged and booked the venue, all of the bridesmaids and the maid of honor were single (about 4 months ago). Now, two of them are in relationships. One has already asked if they could bring a plus one. I am waiting for the other to ask. Right now there is no room as we have exceeded the room capacity. I was thinking that as guests RSVP no, then I could extend them the option of bringing their significant other. However, last night I got several nasty text messages from someone not in the bridal party chastizing me for not allowing people to bring a plus one. I told this person that the room only seats a certain amount of people. His reponse- he told me to change the room……..
Post # 10
Anyone in a relationship should get a +1.
All Bridal Party memebers should get a +1.
Immediate family members should get a +1.
It’s also considered polite (though not required) to give anyone who has to travel or doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding a +1.
Post # 11
@TypeABride2013: …aaaaaaaand *this* is why we are doing a teeny tiny wedding out of state and a big “everyone bring everyone” reception/party back home: I’m too terrible with this sort of thing :-/
I agree with other gals: if you afford to give a +1 to single folks, I think it’s very nice.
Post # 12
Our “rules” were that you had to be either living together or engaged/married in order to get a +1. We did this to keep the count down, but we have been getting a lot of heat for it. So… once all our RSVPs come in we’ve told people that we’ll begin to hand out +1s as we can. Seems like everyone was ok with that.
Post # 13
@thenextmrsi: I’m sorry you are getting heat, however, if people have an SO, that SO should be invited regardless of whether or not the couple is engaged, living together, married etc. Sounds like you are trying to fix the situation, though. Good Luck!
OP, sounds like you are in a bit of a bind. Good luck sorting it out, sounds as if you are on the right track. However, I caution you against inviting over the capacity of the venue. That is against fire code, and the venue and possibly you and your Fiance could get cited and fined.
Post # 14
Bridal party, people that have been dating for awhile, or if they won’t know other people at the wedding.
Post # 15
I posted this on your other board too. I’m sorry they are giving you such a hard time. We have also had some bridal party members who have gotten into relationships since we sent save the dates. It’s even more stressful because we met a new friend group after picking a venue too! We also have this situation because a lot of people think Fiance is a close friend, but I haven’t met them or heard of them in the 4 years we’ve been together
I know from experience that you’re in a stressful place right now! You can’t tell your aunt, first cousin, or close friend “sorry I sent you a save the date, but FI’s BBFL has been hooking up with some girl this month, so we gotta make cuts.” You just can’t plan your wedding around other people’s life decisions by changing the venue either. Again, you should extend a date to everyone in a committed relationship, but you just can’t do it.
Solution: Be gracious, appologize, and appologize some more. Don’t put the blame on them, but put it on yourself. “I should have had more foresight to think that my friends would be in relationships last year when I chose the venue, but I didn’t. I am so sorry. It is my mistake. I understand that you’re upset, and I will do the best I can to accomodate everyone.” You could take those that are mad out to lunch or coffee to make them feel special! If you do all these things, and they are still mad at you, I would reconsider being friends with them. If they are this close to you that they’re in the bridal party, they won’t want you to be so stressed about making them happy on your wedding day!
Post # 16
I think EVERY GUEST deserves a +1, and that is what I offered at my wedding. I don’t think it is my right to judge another’s relationship status, and I certainly would not expect someone to attend my wedding/reception/party alone. I think it is rude.
I think if space is an issue, then a different venue is in order, or don’t invite everyone you know. If money is the issue, then choose a less formal or fancy venue.
But don’t expect people to dress up, drive, and eat alone. That is just awful. So then they can watch all the happy couples?? How awful for them.