(Closed) Plus Ones – A Guest’s Perspective

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

We’re considering their feelings, but refuse to invite more than we can afford. We are giving only engaged/living together/married/long-term dating guests a plus-one because most of our guests are family.

Post # 4
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We had this situation happen to a guest at our wedding. A friend of mine, rather than DH’s, and so I told her to bring a friend instead. I knew that she wouldn’t know a lot of people and in my eyes it was only fair as up until that point she had thought she would be attending with her long-term boyfriend and it was a situation beyond their control that resulted in him not being able to attend.

Post # 5
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

if the person doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding, then i think it is courteous to give them a plus one, if the budget warrants

Post # 6
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Statutory Grape: We’re doing plus ones for everyone because my mom (she’s paying) is insisting, but that’s all I wanted to do, too.

It’s not even just a money thing, I just don’t want a bunch of random people hanging out at our wedding.

Post # 7
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree.   When my bf of 3 years was invited to his cousin’s wedding without a plus one, we were both hurt.  That made me want to include my guests with a plus one when appropriate (i.e. widowed gramma does not get plus 1, but young people with or without a serious bf/gf get a plus one).

Post # 8
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@BlueChampagne: i can beat that…i was invited to a wedding this year solo…even though i’ve been with my guy for 8 years next week!

Post # 9
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We are also considering our guests.  If they know no one else or very few people, then they will get a guest invite.  However, if it is a cousin or someone who is not in a serious relationship (or any relationship at all) and they will know a large number of people there, they will probably not get a guest invite.  Of course all the living together/engaged/married/long-term couples will both be invited.  Unfortunately, sometimes space constraints and money are too important to overlook and you cannot always accommodate everyone you want plus a guest.

Post # 10
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

We are not doing 1+s because we dont want people we dont know at our wedding.

Post # 11
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@jo.lee: That’s true–which is also why I vetoed all the “plus-one” bullcrap that FH’s stepmom was trying to add to the KIDS. Please. A fifteen-year-old attending his cousin’s wedding with his parents does not need a plus-one.

Post # 13
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Statutory Grape: LOL, but that 8-year-old will feel left out if she doesn’t have a date! I almost gave FI’s little brother a plus-one on accident (he’s 15), and I’m so glad I caught it. That would just be weird.

I’m still trying to cut back on the +1s, but it’s a process :P.

Post # 14
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I definitely am thinking of the guests’ perspective, but I’m giving all singles a plus one. For us it was an easy decision, we only have about a dozen that are getting a plus one and I already know at least half of them won’t use it. I agree that while I’m social, going to an event such as a wedding where you don’t know many people is not that fun when you’re alone. Personally, I’m not the type that is going to start dancing with a bunch of strangers, and I don’t think I’m alone. I really think you are doing yourself a favor by thinking of the guests, as the more effort you put into making the guests happy, the more fun your wedding will be.

Post # 15
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that if it’s in the budget, a guest should be given ” plus one” when they won’t know anyone else at the wedding. But we’re having like 8 or so single guys, that my Fiance friends, and I can’t see spending the money for them to bring dates, when I know that they will struggle to find some random girl that they’ll likely never see again, and would likely have better time just having a “boys” table, ya know?

Post # 16
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@jo.lee: HA, right? The way I see it is this: We originally did not want to invite kids at all, but since they’re Out of Town guests, we have to. These people have 2-3 kids each, so if we give every damn kid a plus-one (even if said kid is a teenager), we’ll be way over our budget. I was appalled when we got her list–like, wtf is going on in your head that you think that’s okay to do? “So and So and husband and kid, and kid’s guest.” Nope, sorry. We’re already over because she gave us 27 extra names! Lmao.

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