(Closed) Plus Ones and website wording

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@gogogiraffes: How about having an “FAQ” section on your website and having a question that says:

Can I bring a date?

And answer with:

“Unfortunately due to space constraints of our venue we can only accommodate those whose names were on the invitation. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

Post # 4
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

since you haven’t invited them yet, you can’t say you haven’t invited a date, because you didn’t invite yet you merely said save the date.

I think you just need to let it happen and then IF people start RSVP-ing extras you call them up invididually and explain you can’t accodmodate extras.

If you start our with a statement like you mention, I think that gives a bad first impression. IMO.


Post # 5
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Why are people RSVP’ing to the Save the Date?  When people say something like that in response to the STD, that’s when you should address it.  Don’t wait until the invites are mailed.  Then when the invites are mailed and you receive extra RSVP’s, you call them and politely tell them that you are not including plus ones.

Post # 8
4485 posts
Honey bee

That is something that is handled by word of mouth only. If someone sends an rsvp to you adding people you didn’t invite, you get on the phone with them immediately to resolve the situation.

Post # 9
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@gogogiraffes: Does your website have it where only those who you allow can RSVP?

I know on my wedding website the RSVP function could be set up where you could only RSVP for those you the bride and groom let you.

Post # 10
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Given the additional information, I would definitely do a FAQ section on your website AND I would probably go into detail about the baseball game, seats having to be reserved, etc. so everyone understands why.

Also, as people invite others (like your boss), it would be really important to speak up and set the record straight RIGHT THEN.  Trust me, you’d rather have it addressed up front, rather than having someone think they can bring someone, only to find out at the last minute that they can’t.

Post # 11
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Can you turn OFF the RSVP feature until your invites go out?

Post # 12
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am confused as to why someone is responding through your website to a save-the-date notice? Can you disable this functionality on your website and not allow any electronic means of responding to wedding-related events — even once you send out your invitations?  To me, allowing guests to respond electronically seems to be very risky with regard to this issue. 

I, admittedly, am very “old school,” but I have to say, the long-established protocol does work well to help ensure that only invited guests will attend your wedding.  If you use both outer and inner envelopes for your printed invitations, you will significantly reduce the number of guests who will incorrectly assume that they are being invited to bring dates to your wedding.  For example, if the outer envelope is addressed to Miss Jane Marie Smith, and the inner envelope says, Miss Smith, and the response card simply has a line with an M.__________________ and below it the options say, “____will attend” and “___unable to attend,” it is much more difficult and awkward for Miss Smith to then somehow assume that she is permitted to bring along a date.  In the event that she puts the number “2” in the blank in front of “will attend” (instead of a check mark), etiquette permits you to call her and politely explain that the invitation was extended just to her and that, unfortunately, with so many family and close friends having been invited to the wedding, your venue just simply cannot accommodate any extra guests. 

I hope all goes well for you however you and your Fiance ultimately decide to handle this situation.

ETA:  I know that including a response card and a stamped reply envelope is a modern accommodation and that a truly formal invitation would not include these pieces.  However, I also knew that many of my guests would have been confused if I had not included them, so I opted to do so.

Post # 13
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Call anyone who RSVPs for someone additional who was not invited immediately and say “I’m sorry for the confusion but due to the nature of our wedding, we’re not going to be able to accomodate your date.”  Be firm, don’t cave.

The FAQ thing is a good idea but not everyone is going to read it and a lot of people will assume that it means everyone else but them–certainly their date is invited.  

You were disorganized with this process–you need to make sure that when you hand out something that people RSVP to, you are perfectly and absolutely crystal clear about who is invited.  So expect a lot of cleanup and if you send out paper invites, make sure that you are very clear about who is attending.

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