Post # 1
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
I’ve gone through a lot of posts about plus ones and definitely agree with married, engaged, or living together. However, there wasn’t a lot that I saw about allowing guests for people over a certain age. Coming from a big, Catholic, Mexican family, I’ve been to a lot of weddings and quincenera’s and we’d generally be invited as “________ Family +1.” That would normally go to whichever sibling was going to go and had a dance partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, good friend).
Now, I’m engaged, working on our guestlist, and I’m unsure on how to approach it. We aren’t having a dinner, so it’s not a matter of food. More space and everything that comes with it. All of our single friends and wedding party are being given plus ones. How do I go about giving them to my family? (Side note: How old does the family member have to be before giving them their own invitation? In my head, it’s invite Aunt, Uncle and their kids, but what if their “kids” are older than I am, single and living on their own.) We’re having a dance and I’d hate for anyone to sit out because they have no one to dance with.
For example, I’ve got a family with 5 “kids”. One is my Maid/Matron of Honor, so she gets a plus one. With the exception of one, though, all of the others will be anywhere from 19-27. Obviously I can’t give every single one an extra guest, but how do I work out who does and doesn’t? Or in a family with fewer “kids”, would I give them +1 and let them work it out on their own, or should both no-longer-minors get one? How would I also denote this on the invitation?
Our family has always had a “more the merrier” viewpoint when it comes to get-togethers. We’re always welcome to bring people to Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. I feel like my wedding should be similar, but it’s just not feasible to invite 3 people and have a group of 10 show up (that’s how 900+ people were at my parents’ wedding).
Post # 3
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
Every adult gets their own invitation regardless of where they live. That way you can control people’s plus ones.
Post # 4
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Every person of age of majority gets their own invitation, even if it means you send 3 invite to the same house. Anyone that has an existing serious partner, find out their name and invite them specifically. If they don’t live together, they should technically get their own invite at their own address, but I’m flexible on that. Then make a +1 rule and apply it equally across the board.
Common +1 rules are things iike, people from out of town, people that don’t know anybody else at the wedding, that kind of thing.
Post # 5
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I have a group of families that are similar – adult children, some with boyfriends and some not. About half of them don’t live with their parents. To keep things simple, I’m just sending an invite to the X family at the parents house. Not sending individual invites because I don’t really care what etiquette says, that seems stupid and wasteful to me – their parents will tell them and I doubt most of them will come anyway so why should I waste invitations? And I am only giving +1’s to the two sisters who both got knocked up but aren’t married, since they live with their baby daddies. Everyone else I don’t consider their relationships serious enough (nor do I even know their relationship status that well).
Post # 6
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@Pinkmoon: I think it’s odd that you consider inviting a person who lives with their spouse a +1. Would you not send it specifically to Knockedupcousin and knockedupcousinsbabydaddy specifically? To me a +1 is extending the option to bring any guest they want, and I wouldn’t send that to someone that I want to limit the option to their specific partner or nobody.
Post # 7
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@SapphireSun: Oh well yah I’m going to put the guy’s names on the invite. But I was just speaking in general terms mainly, using the term +1 loosely I guess.
Maybe I sound harsh but these are the adult children of my parents’ friends and I don’t really talk to them ever, it’s been years. So we aren’t close by any stretch of the imagination.
Post # 8
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@Pinkmoon: Oh good. I was thinking you were actually going to “and guest” them. I’d be even more annoyed if kids of my parents friends that i never see and don’t really want to invite brought some random friend.
Post # 9
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
I wish my family wasn’t as close as it is sometimes. If I didn’t really know any of them, then I wouldn’t care otherwise. My intended isn’t close to his at all and is only inviting one of his aunts’ family to the wedding, none of those “kids” will be getting a +1.
Post # 10
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Hi notestasiskis: first off, I see you are fairly NEW to WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob (due to my job)
So I gotta say I agree with michiru4ever: the easiest way to handle all this is to just make sure that ALL the Adults you want to invite get their own Invites… so no Mr & Mrs Robert Jones & Family (when there are adult kids involved… over the age of 18)
You’d send one to Mr & Mrs Robert Jones, and perhaps another to their son… Bob Jones & Guest… and to their daughter… Sally Jones & Guest
This allows Bob & Sally, to bring whomever they like. IF you know they have specific long-term SOs… then you could get their names and addresses, and send invites to them seperately. OR if they are Married or Living with them… then the Invites could be addressed to meet that need.
Mr & Mrs Bob Jones
Ms. Sally Jones & Mr. Paul Black
Looks like more work at first for sure… and certainly more Invites to print & process… but Etiquette Rules exist for a reason… by following the Rules you’ll in the end run into less issues where there are misunderstandings on exactly WHO is invited.
Hope this helps,
PS… Another trick that a lot of Brides say that helps, is making sure to use Numeric RSVP Reply Cards and filling in the quantity before you send them out…
___ of 2 WILL or WILL NOT be attending (please circle)
Post # 11
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
@This Time Round: Thanks, that’s really helpful. While more work, it definitely makes things easier in the long run.
Post # 12
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
I agree with the advive above about one invite for every adult. On our rsvp cards we’ve put the menu choices and then asked people to write the names of the members of their party who have chosen each dish next to them. We thought it was a good way of confirming exactly who was coming, and also giving people the impression that they cannot suddenly bring someone without letting us know.
Post # 13
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
Yah know I was confused about the exact same thing, my mom never had a proper wedding so she was not help in that department -.- so thanks for posting!! much appreciated =D
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