Post # 1
Hi Bees !
Plus-ones really seem to sometimes be ”case by case”, but here is my dilemma when planning my guest list.
I will invite all spouses, fiancés and ”common law partners” who live together as one unit, even if I don’t always know them that well. However, I don’t know where to draw the line for single people and/or possible dating relationships.
First of my concern, my uncle who never ever had a serious relationship in his life. Every Christmas, he brings a woman to my grandmother’s house, then we never see her again !
Other concern : my cousin which I’m not really close to, but since I’m inviting her two sisters (married) and her parents (my godparents), I can’t imagine not inviting her. The problem is, in the past years she has always dated alcoholic, abusive men (one of which even broke her wrist throwing her down the stairs). Each breakup has ended with the police escorting her out. Needless to say, I am VERY scared about who she will bring to my wedding and what happens once he drinks.
My fiancé and I are paying for everything, and we have a very tight budget. So, we had no choice but having a smaller wedding with only close family members and friends (and we wanted an intimate event anyway). We’re talking 55 guests (including children). So at that number and according to our budget, 2 or 3 people more DOES make a difference, and honesly (and sorry if this sounds selfish), I don’t feel like spending money for plus-ones I’ve never heard about, never met, don’t care about me. I’d prefer having people I truly care about that day.
So, in both cases, if they have ”dating partners” but don’t live together, can I skip the ”plus one” on those two ? But apply the same rule to all singles though … since we’ll all be family there will be no one left alone, they will all know 10+ people at least.
Post # 3
I hate this dilemma ! we have been discussing this a lot recently also. I think what we have decided is anyone engaged, living together, or those who have been dating for a number of years and we feel are extremely close to an engagement will get a plus 1. However, those who do not fall under those circumstances do not get a plus 1.
Post # 4
I don’t think you can really decide how serious someone is based on their living situation. I would invite anyone that is in a relationship. If you can’t identify someone’s SO because they date all the time and they are fresh then don’t invite them. If the person has an issue with that or things the SO will be around then they can bring it up with you.
I really only had one friend that I knew may or may not have an SO at the time. I straight up told her that I was fine with having her bring a boyfriend but did not want someone coming that was just a random friend. She respected that and although at the time that I wrote the invitations I had her boyfriends name on it, they broke up and she came alone. If it was someone I didn’t talk to much but also didn’t think they’d be together because of history, I would have just invited the one person and let them ask me about it.
Post # 5
I’m pretty sure “etiquette” says that you need to invite married & engaged couples, and probably should invite living together/serious couples. The problem is defining serious–who gets to decide that, you or the couple? Is being Facebook official enough? That’s where etiquette gets tricky and, IMO, you just need to do what feels right for you. I would just be prepared to get some flack, and practice the phrase: “We are having a small wedding and seating is limited.” This is partly why we’re just giving everyone a guest–if we know they’re in a relationship, name goes on the invite, if not, plus one. Makes a huge guest list but luckily we found a cheap venue!
Post # 6
I am ready to consider special requests, if the invitee is respectful enough to ask me weeks ahead, and not 2 days before the wedding (or worse, bringing date to said wedding without telling me ! I would be infuriated, to say the least.)
I don’t want to judge how ”serious” their relationship is (they can be together for years but not live together, I would invite them still as long as I know them because being close family and friend, I believe we would have been introduced).
Where I’m unconfortable, is when I can’t even tell what the date’s name is. Where they live ? What they look like ? They probably can’t answer those questions about me me either. 😡
Post # 7
Spouses/Fiances/Live-in partners are automatically invtied to mine. If I KNOW at the time of invites going out, that someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend, they are also invited by name. If I am unaware that someone is casually dating, a friend can bring it up to me and maybe get the go-ahead, but nobody is getting ‘+1’ or ‘and guest’ on an invite. Names only. I want to do my best to accomodate even brand new, last minute relationship add-ons if I can.
Post # 8
I do not think you are being selfish at all! We planned our guest list the same way- a small, intimate wedding (80ppl). Our rule for +1 was that we had to know the guest as the person’s signicant other. We did not want people we did not know at our wedding. We even kept a strict limit on parents (for MIL) friends being invited because we did not know them. Do what YOU want since it is YOUR wedding and YOU are paying for it! : )
Post # 9
Im not married but after reading wedding blogs if it were me I would just give plus ones to married, engaged, or living together because its proper ettiqute but at the same time you dont want strangers at your wedding either or ppl you dont know well. So basically married, engaged, or living together is fine for plus ones. The only time I would consider giving a plus one to someone is if im either friends with their signifcant other or know them very well , coming by plane, or if they wont know anyone there.
Post # 10
and I would give family members over the age of 18 a plus one and anyone in the wedding party a plus one.
Post # 11
We are inviting everyone with a date. This, really, only applies to about 3 or 4 people though. And, I wanted them to have the option to bring someone (anyone!) if it makes them more comfortable. If you had asked me this 5 years ago, when I was younger and not everyone had “coupled up”, I may be in a more difficult spot. But, I had always made it a goal to invite everyone with a date.
Post # 12
@NauticalDisaster: We are only inviting spouses, period.
Post # 13
I think it depends on what you guys feel comfortable with. All of our bridal party gets a plus one regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not. Of course, anyone who is married, engaged, or in a long term relationship (even if they don’t live together) gets one. My Fiance and I decided to have friends who we both knew really well and for years (we’re having a 70-80 person wedding). There is a friend who is dating someone, but neither of us have never met him, so we only invited her. It may not be what others would do, which is absolutely fine, but we are really sticking to what we wanted for our wedding and who we wanted their to celebrate with us.
Post # 14
I’d go with whatever you’re most comfortable with in regards to plus ones.
For all of our guests, we are only including plus ones for those friends who are in long term relationships. Like you, we are inviting spouses, fiancés and ”common law partners” who live together as one unit.
Post # 15
@NauticalDisaster: I agree with you.
I know other people will say just give them the plus one or we can’t judge how serious a relationship is, at the end of the day this is your wedding that you are paying for.
I am in the same boat, i have an uncle who dates new women all the time, so I didn’t give him a plus one because I don’t want some random person at my wedding. We are also not giving the younger cousins (19-21) a plus one because we simply cannot afford plus ones for everyone! Of course married couples and people that we know have been with their bfs/gfs a longtime or live together but if not, you are not getting a plus one.
Post # 16
@MarieeToBee: If I found out that a friend or family member of mine had analyzed my relationship and decided I wasn’t “extremely close to an engagement” in their opinion (and therefore my boyfriend wasn’t invited to their wedding) I would be really offended. My boyfriend and I have been dating for years, just because we aren’t getting married doesn’t make our relationship any less “serious” than anyone else’s.