- 6 years ago
Good evening, ya’ll: I’m a first time poster, long time reader….and officially am having a panic attack.
Here’s the deal: good friend of 15 years called to ask me to be her bridesmaid. I accepted, even though:
- There are 30 days until the actual wedding. (Judging from the date of her original emails I was later forwarded, I’m a ‘B-List’ bridesmaid – but I can deal with that.)
- I’ve already had my ‘event dress‘ in a beautiful raspberry/plum color (and my fiance’s coordinating suit accents) purchased and tailored.
- At 6’0, with 42DDDs and wearing a size 18/20, I have geniune fit issues – most of my clothing is purchased via websites because finding the length or size in stores doesn’t happen OR must be sized up and then tailored for appropriateness. (I ride public transportation in my city and wear skirt suts for work – anything shorter than 1 inch above my knee is highly frowned on in my profession/my personal comfort level.
- We live on opposite sides of the country (her west-coast ceremony is a “destination wedding” for my east coast residing self), so shopping together beforehand will not happen.
Originally, she wanted me to wear an orange dress for her “coordinated, but not matchy-matchy theme” and even though it’s a hard color to find tastefully done, within 48 hours I managed to email her 12 different dresses for her review that fit the requirements, including this beautiful one that I would actually wear again this fall (and, as I am close in shape and skin-tone to the model, I know I’ll look good in it.) Plus, I know how Tahari fits, so there would be minimal, if any, tailoring neccessary.
But she vetoed them all for being too red-orange and not creamsicle/yellow-orange enough, and now wants me to find a green dress (orange is now the color one of the sister-in-law’s will wear). Specifically, this J. Crew Blakely dress in organic green.
With gritted teeth, I responded: Fine. With my skintone, I will look good in green, but upon a detailed look, I started freaking out for the following reasons:
- It looks insanely short on the model (again – I’m 6’0 in bare feet.)
- J. Crew is notorious for for being narrowly-cut (while I have a classic hourglass figure)
- It’s sleeveless (and I’ve got vertical stretch-marks on my shoulders that I hide via altering the neck-line of dresses to be off the shoulder) – meaning, now I’ll have to by body makeup.
- The largest size is a 20, which means I can’t size up for length and bust/tailor down for my waist as I usually do.
- J. Crew does not sell higher than a 14 in its stores, nor will they order it into a store for me to try on before buying, so I’d have to rush-order it, try it on (with Spanx!) and then pray that I don’t look like a whore, with my breasts falling out and my butt-cheeks on display.
I don’t want to give myself a complex about my (frankly, f*cking awesome) body and feel ugly/awkward/frumpy in comparison to the 3 other (very petite) bridesmaids because I can’t fit into the dress that fits her “vision”.
I don’t want to disappoint my good friend, I don’t want to look cheap in an ill-fitting, albeit expensive, dress either.
I don’t want to be emotionally and physically uncomfortable (a real concern with this dress) because my invitation to be a bridesmaid was an afterthough.
Though we’re good friends, I haven’t been in on the planning as I have with other weddings I’ve been a bridesmaid in, and I believe that had I been asked from ‘the beginning’ – whenever that was, I could have provided genuine input, for example, suggesting a style/brand that has a larger range of sizes, such as Dessy, Two Birds, or even David’s Bridal (though I’m not a fan – everything there is too chiffon shiny!)
The only person I’ve vented to is my mom, who has dealt with/helped me with my fit issues my entire life…and my fiance, who is also very tall (but not large) with fit issues – although he can’t really relate because men’s clothing is much easier to find via different lengths.
I don’t know what I’m looking for: suggestions for alternatives, support to decline the Bridesmaid or Best Man offer, or just some sympathy for my first-world problem (*WAH*), but please…give me some guidance!