(Closed) Plus-sized bridesmaid dress drama!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Plus-size bridesmaid hell: What should I do?
    Decline the bridesmaid invitation, and attend as a guest. : (39 votes)
    95 %
    Buy the dress and deal. : (0 votes)
    Stress and search for an alternative in the same color family. : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    909 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would decline. I’ve squeezed into too many terrible and ill-fitting bridesmaid dresses in my life, and honestly it’s not worth it. Especially given the time crunch and the fact that you’re on different coasts.

    I would tell her that you would love love love to be there for her, but you’re worried about being uncomfortable in the bridemaids dress/finding a dress that fits, and ask if she would be horribly offended if you attended as a guest only. If she’s a really good friend of that many years, she’ll understand. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    first of *hug*. second off maybe you need to talk to her J. Crew fits really small and its not fair that shes going to give you 30 days notice and then demand a certain dress. THats a tough situation but definately talk to her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @SthnBelle45:  <—- this. she obviously isnt tall or full figured so she might not understand though. but, I am 5’8 and a size 16/18 and I dont think I would feel comfortable in that dress in the size 20 (runs small, too short). i am not even sure my bust would fit in that thing (40DD). I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man for the first time next september and I am worried about this too. But, as soon as we start discussing dresses the first words out of my mouth are that I will wear whatever she wants but it has to come in plus size so I can be comfortable! I mean, she knows I am plus sized (even though she is petite, size 4, and so are the other BMs)

    Post # 7
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Oh, and I would tell her exactly this ” I am too tall and full figured for this dress. I need to size up for length and then take the dress in but I need a plus size dress to be able to do this. which of these would work best for you (insert images of a few options)? “

    Post # 8
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I am so sorry you are being stressed out this way! I say just be up front with her, people without special size needs just are thoughtless about this (I am thinking of myself, who always forgets my sister has to pay to have every single pair of pants hemmed four inches). Just say, “I’m so sorry, I checked and that dress doesn’t come in a size/length that I can have altered to fit.” if you want to hunt a bit for another green option, that would be super nice of you, but if not, just nicely decline.

    Post # 9
    Member
    46421 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would tell her that the J Crew dress simply won’t work for me. I would tell her that I needed to be allowed to find a dress that fits or I would regretfully have to withdraw as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and leave the ball in her court.

    I would propose this Igigi dress as an alternative. You could use the sleeve material to make a ruffle for the neckline if that is important to her, then remove it later.

    http://www.onestopplus.com/clothing/Angie-Dress-in-Olive.aspx?PfId=342963&DeptId=11583&ProductTypeId=1

    or this dress from Jessica London

    http://www.roxij.com/Jessica-London-Plus-Size-Short-Dress-Linen-Blend-LIME28-p23135041/

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    5’10, 42 E girl right here, and yeah, I know your pain! Very few designers make the leap of intelligence that a size 14 won’t fit like a size 4 and that my body has some, very sexy curves to it! I swear they just take the same pattern and make it bigger, rather then refitting it. So, as a tall hourglass I either look stupid and lady lumpy in clothes cut for a beanpoll shape or drown in plus sized clothing which for some reason equates size 14 to be 5’2 and 300 lbs! 

    That aside…as a ‘B-list’ bridesmaid, I would decline. You don’t need this added headache and honestly, this bride seems to have her marching orders and they don’t seem to be doing you anywhere close to the favours you would be doing her by stepping in last minute. Just my opinion

    Post # 11
    Member
    1160 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’d decline. Just reading that stressed me out as I can relate only too well….

    Post # 12
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @MalaManzana:  I think you were actually quite honorable in the beginning by letting your friend know of the size issues you experience with stores being unreasonable about fitting women in real life. It isn’t as if she is not on notice. Coupled with the limited time she’s given you to plan for this, I don’t think it would be in bad form to gracefully bow out as a bridesmaid. Tell her you will be standing up for her in spirit, but alterations and special ordering is too time consuming to accomodate the wedding in a timely manner. Hopefully she will understand, and there’s no harm done.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I agree you should bow out gracefully it seems to be more of a problem and she does not seem to be very organized. I agree with Jules be there in spirit send a gift and wish her well.

    Post # 14
    Member
    944 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Please decline and eliminate the stress, just go as a guest. My Future Sister-In-Law is no longer speaking to me because I was going to ask her to be in the wedding as a BM and she freaked out because she’s plus sized (and a crazy spoiled brat to boot) and now my Future Mother-In-Law is trying to guilt her into doing it. So now I may have to deal with a pissed off (fill in your favorite expletive) bridesmaid who doesn’t want anything to do with my wedding. I’m ready to go off on both of them at this point because I just got out of the hospital from suffering a STROKE and the doctors told me to not stress out from the wedding. And, ALL of my bridesmaids are plus sized and I’m a size 18-20 myself. SMH.

    Post # 15
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @bestbuddies:  +1 to both of your posts. I’m petite, but I have two lovely plus-sized ladies in my bridal party. One of them is right around 6′, and I know that she and the other girl were very worried about sizing/fit. I made sure to find places (we’re still deciding) that offer the sizes they need, or custom sizing, because I want them to be comfortable, if nothing else. Your bride obviously does not feel this way, and I would either decline outright, or tell her that the j.crew dress is not going to work for you and try to find something green that will.

    Post # 16
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand how uncomfortable you’d be and will just be happy to have you there!!! Don’t ruin the experience for yourself- you’ll be self conscious and stressed out the whole time 🙁 and you’ll actually be able to enjoy the day with her if you just attend as a guest!

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