(Closed) Plus Sized Bridesmaid Problem & Related Drama

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I can certainly understand Katie’s trepidation, however, if she wants to be a bridesmaid, she has to wear the dress you choose. I think she’s very self conscious and can’t see your point of view. Calling you a bridezilla was out of line.  Give her a choice – wear the dress we choose (that will take her concerns into account), or choose to simply be a guest.

Oh, and you may want to soften your language – saying you “hate” something that a bridesmaid is suggesting (and what many women here have done) can turn people off pretty quickly, even if you say you mean no offense.

Post # 4
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

You most definitely are NOT being a bridezilla for choosing to have all of your bridesmaids in the same dress.  I believe you have gone about all of this with a great deal of class and sensitivity to your friend Katie by doing research to not only find a designer who can accommodate her dress size but also by your being willing to choose a dress style that will address her specific needs/concerns.

Katie had no right whatsoever to choose her own dress for your wedding, and she has no right to dictate to you that you need to allow all of your bridesmaids to wear different dresses. She needs to calm down and to realize what an amazing friend you are and have been to her by doing anything possible to include her in your wedding party despite the challenges that this has presented in narrowing down a dress that will look good on all of your bridesmaids.

When things calm down a bit, you need to politely reiterate what you have done and are willing to do regarding the dress selection. If Katie then refuses to go along with this, it will be SHE removing herself from your bridal party, not you asking her to step down. I truly hope that she makes a final decision regarding her participation in a very timely manner so that, if she is NOT going to participate, you will have more flexibility in choosing a designer and style for your bridesmaids’ gowns.

Post # 5
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

oh gosh… I wasn’t even going to comment but then I clicked on that link… no, no, you cannot let that happen.  I would say you can pay the difference and whatever else you’re willing to.  Why does she not want to get the dress you like that would work for her?

Post # 6
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@kittylove15:  

 

I for one do not think you are being a bridezilla at all. The sad truth is it is hard to accomodate so many different styles, shapes and sizes in a wedding party. I have 4 girls in my wedding party and I allowed them to have a voice in choosing the dress but ultimately the decision was mine and I let them know that, just as you have let it be known that you don’t want people picking their own dresses. (I also do not like that look but can understand why it has become so popular as it must take alot of stress off the bride in situations like yours.) Just remember, it is your wedding! You have your vision and as your friends, your attendants need to respect that. Maybe it would be easier if you picked out a few styles – all of which you would be ok with and let them come to a concensus from there. If you feel Katie is going to be tougher than the other girls on coming to a decision, maybe give her the options first so she can narrow it down and go from there. If she refuses to budge then sadly, you may have to have a talk about her not being in the wedding party but maybe participating in the wedding in some other way where she can wear what she wants. 

I am truly sorry for your situation. It is so terrible that the stress of wedding planning can ruin such a joyous occasion between friends and family. I hope it all works out! 

Post # 7
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

her “attitude” is coming from her being afraid. and most likely trying to avoid going to a salon and trying on dresses together. i wont lie to you….its going to be hard for her. i (think) she may have to buy two dresses and have them sewn together as the largest a bridesmaid dress comes in is a 26 which i bridal world is a 22-24 (i once weighed 346 pounds which is the only reason i know all of this lol)  but i am confused about the size 50..is that US sizes? i would assume at 400 she is about a 30-32. Alfred Angelo and Davids Bridal are your best be for shopping they will have dresses in all sizes to try on, they may not zip up but at least your friend will be able to try some things on. DO NOT GO TO A BRIDAL SHOP!

DONT give in to letting them pick their own dresses. i did that because some of my girls we plus size and umcomfortable and i totally totally totally regret it.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would also suggest David’s as they keep all sizes in stock to try on. This way they can try on different styles and see what works best for everyone.

And my personal opinion is that Lacey is a bitch and the next time she tells you to kick someone out of your wedding because of their size, perhaps suggest she gain a few manners instead. That is one of the rudest things. Friends shouldn;t be judged on their size.

Post # 9
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No you’re not being a bridezilla. It’s your and your fiance’s choice on how they want your wedding party to look. The dress she picked out was no bueno at all. When you’re ready to talk to your freind let her know that you’ve found a designer you like and encourage her to pick out a few dresses she likes. If she doesn’t want to do that then unfortunately she can’t be in your wedding. Have a heart to heart with her and let her know how important it is for her to be there with you. I hope that you guys get to work this out.

Post # 10
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

For starters, I highly doubt your friend wears a size 50 if you’re talking about normal American sizing. If she’s 400lbs, she’s probably closer to a size 30 (I know people who are roughly that weight). There are designers out there who go up that high. I’d suggest looking into Alfred Angelo. As far as her comments, she’s probably concerned with looking ridiculous in a dress that you choose that won’t suit her body type especially if you’re dead set on having everyone in the same one. Honestly, situations like yours are when allowing your bridesmaids to choose their own dresses makes the most sense. There’s not a dress in existence that will look great on someone who’s a size 8 and someone who’s closer to a 30 (…or 50?). I don’t blame you for not liking the dress that she sent you as I wouldn’t okay that either but there needs to be some kind of compromise. You’ll have to decide what’s more important to you, keeping your friend in your bridal party or having the uniform look that you’re dead set on. For me, the decision would be obvious but it seems like you’re putting a minor detail infront of your friends comfort. Trust me, being plus size in a bridal party full of skinny Minnie’s is hard enough. At least let her wear something she’ll be comfortable and confident in. 

Post # 11
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@StormyRose:  Yep, Lacey certainly is a bitch. After that comment, Lacey would be the one I’d be reconsidering, not Katie.

Post # 12
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Have you considered picking the designer, fabric, color and then letting all of your girls choose the dress they like within those constraints? (i.e. Alfred Angelo, purple, satin, knee length/cocktail…then they choose the design that they like best within those specifications). This might be a great compromise as they will all look uniform and like they are members of the same bridal party but each can choose a dress they love and feel comfortable in.

My SIL basically did this and its what I’m doing as well. I have a bridal party that ranges in size from 00 to 24, and I gave them the designer, fabric, color and specified that they have to be floor length and then they each chose the dress that worked best for them/their body type. I picked a designer with like 20-25 dresses to choose from so I could be sure everyone would find a sillhouette that they loved. Plus, I think its a nice thing to do if you’re asking them to pay for the dresses themselves. Sounds like this might be a good option for your situation.

And I agree with everyone else – Lacey’s comments are gross. If she has a problem, she should leave the bridal party. Although I do think that Katie’s comments to you were very uncalled for as well (Although sometimes that happens when we speak from a place of insecurity…im glad she realized and apologized).

Post # 13
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP if the date next to your name is correct, it’s over 18 months till your wedding. You may want to put the wedding plans on hold for a few months— I think you may be planning a little too early, and that’s not always a good thing. A lot can change in that time, so don’t rush things.

That said, your friend is probably being hypersensitive because it’s not easy being an extremely overweight woman in the USA. She quite possibly bought the dress because she’s excited, and wants to feel involved, but that’s mixed with so many negative emotions— general fear of bridesmaids dresses (they often deserve the bad reputation they’ve got), fear of standing in front of everyone, and so forth. she may have bought the dress for other reasons and when you named the color, decided to try and repurpose it to skip the anxiety of the dress shop. You’ll never understand her reaction and shouldn’t try to predict it unless you’ve been in her shoes. It’s a very complex set of emotions. That doesn’t excuse her outburst but at least you can try to understand it.

I’m not sure where you’re located but if you and Katie are near or can get to Northern Virginia, there is an EXCELLENT shop called Curvy Girls Bridal. They are a full-on plus-size bridal shop. They are not cheap but also not so expensive that you’d need to sell plasma or your car, and they have a MASSIVE selection— I’m a street size 16 and got to try on about 14 dresses before I found mine… And we still had a huge stack that I didn’t get to. There were other customers when I visited, one I’d guess was around Katie’s size, and her sales lady had quite a stack for her. It might be worth a trip; they can probably recommend styles that will flatter Katie as well as the other girls, being matched enough to look uniform even if they’re not a dead match.

You may also want to consider a custom-cut dress, mostly these come from China and there’s tons of threads on which shops/sites are good and which to avoid.

Post # 14
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@RhubarbPie:  I agree. I went the same route with my bridesmaids (choose a designer, color, length and fabric) and let them choose their own dresses. They still had that uniform look since the dresses weren’t that different but they each got to choose something that they liked and were comfortable in. Afterall, if they’re spending their money on the dress it should be something that they like. I often wonder if brides think that going this route is going to end up looking completely mismatched because that’s not the case at all. 

Post # 15
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

No, you’re not being a bridezilla. I think you’ve gone out of your way to accomodate for Katie. Hopefully she will see that sometime. I would just tell her again what you’re doing for her(making sure she has a dress that will cover her upmore and fit!) and then tell her you really want her in your wedding, but she will need to wear the dress everyone else does, which again won’t look bad on her at all. I’d also make it clear to Lacey you don’t appreciate her comments about Katie aand you wish she would keep them to herself.

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