(Closed) Plus Sized Bridesmaid Problem & Related Drama

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 92
899 posts
Busy bee

I do think you’re being a bridezilla and I feel bad for your friend Katie.You’re being extremely insensitive to a woman you say has stood by you through everything. How awful of you to make such nasty comments about her looks.

I have never, ever heard of a man so concerned with bridesmaids looking like the bride’s backup singers. And shame on his brother and shame on you for being happy for Katie being accosted like that.

It seems like your priorities are completely screwed up.

Post # 93
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think you’ve gotten good advice about dress possibilities. I wanted to add that if I were you, I would be telling Future Brother-In-Law *very firmly* that he needed to apologize to your friend, and if I were too uncomfortable doing that, I would ask Fiance to talk to Future Brother-In-Law. It stinks to be in a position of needing to talk to Future Brother-In-Law like he was a little kid, but he created the situation by acting like one. I’m HORRIFIED that he did what he did. He was immature and cruel and clearly needs to have his behavior corrected if he’s going to get through life without messing up repeatedly.

Post # 94
37 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

My own two cents, basically reiterating what most people here have already said…

No, you’re not a bridezilla.  I honestly believe that weddings are for the bride and groom and should reflect what they want, not what everyone around them wants.  That said (and I’m only speaking from my own wedding planning experience here), sometimes you have to cut a deal with reality if only to maintain your sanity.  Finding a dress that will suit both a size 8 body type and size 30+ body type will be nearly impossible, and will likely end in a compromise that will make no one happy.  You can allow BMs to choose their own dresses without them looking mismatched/prom-dressy, as long as you lay down some ground rules.  I know everyone wants their wedding pictures to be perfect, but it sounds like the bridesmaids’ dress issue is causing you way more stress than is reasonable… maybe you and your FH should consider being more flexible in that area.

And like someone else said, it looks like your wedding is still a ways off… picking out matching dresses at this stage may be jumping the gun a bit, anyway.

Post # 95
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kittylove15:  I haven’t read the whole thread here but I think you must be a petite woman.  Katie probably dresses that way because that is all that is available.  I am size 22-24 and I have a hard enough time finding clothes that aren’t matronly or shapeless. The fashion world does not offer any options to women (or men for that matter) who are over say a size 26.  I’m sure she is terrified to stand up there with several petite women because she KNOWS that assholes like your Future Brother-In-Law will be thinking about/ talking about her negatively all night.  It totally sucks.  I feel bad for her and your Fiance sounds pretty insensitive too.  I’m not saying you should totally sacrifice your vision but it sounds like you just want Katie to take herself out of the wedding so you don’t have to feel bad.  If you really wanted her to be with you on your big day you’d be happy to accomidate your “dear friend” so that she will at least feel a little confident!

Post # 96
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would like to add another solution, hopefully the OP will read this…

Make her your “honorary friend” she would not be a bridesmaid so you can keep the uniform look but she will still get to walk down the isle in what she wants. 

  • Write in your ceremony programs the list in which everyone will be walking down such as:

  1. Groomsmen….. *names here*
  2. Bridesmaids…… *names here*
  3. Honorary friend….. Katie
  4. Bride walks down the isle with mom/dad.

  • Then give her a seat in the front row with a little note taped to the chair that says, “reserved for honorary friend.” 
  • Optional: When making speeches for out of town guests, mention her and say how helpful/wonderful she has been. Say anything you are comfortable with really. 

To me this would be a nice, sentimental way to be able to keep her in the loop with planning, it will help your friendship, it could possibly ease tensions and she will still be apart of your wedding in her own special way. She is clearly no ordinary woman (I mean this is a classy, dignified way. To clarify: She’s her own brand of sexy!) and it would really add a personal flare to the wedding ceremony.

Good luck~

Post # 97
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Speaking as a full-figured girl– They do NOT make bridesmaid dresses in her size.  Period.  So, your options are limited if you want her in your wedding– you are either going to have to make accommodations, or just forget it.  Give the girl a break. You asked her to do something which, essentially, is impossible.  There is NO manufacturer that makes the same dress in a 4 as they do a 40.  The largest size AA and DB go is a 26 I think? So, either the girls can have dresses made, or you’re going to have to do the “OMG It Looks Like a Prom” thing.  Do you know what it’s LIKE to be the biggest girl in a wedding?  The anxiety of finding a dress, and having to have something “cute” to wear for a bachelorette outing?  Or a rehearsal?  Her style is dictated by what she  can purchase in her size. Look at the Plus Size options online at Belk or Lane Bryant– they are cheaply made clothes with spangles and things that I wouldn’t be caught dead in, or old-lady stuff.  We wear what we can find. Period. I’m a street size 18 and have enough trouble…I don’t want to think about being whatever size your “friend” is.  If I were Katie, I think I’d stay home.

Post # 98
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

All my bridsmaids are plus size with the exception of one.  For some time I was plus size so I could relate to the concerns.  While your friend is probably excited to be in the wedding she is probably really concerned about the dress and being able to wear something that she feels comfortable in.

You’re not bridezilla she’s just nervous.

You might be able to choose a simply cut bridesmaid dress (i.e. aline strapless), order the same fabric from the dress manufacturer and have one made for your friend.  Her wearing a wrap or bolero shouldn’t be a big deal.  

Or it doesn’t hurt to call the manufactureer to see if they’d be willing to make a larger one.


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