- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
So, my SO and I have been together for nearly a year and a half, and I know the proposal is coming down the pipeline soon–probably within a few weeks.
Now, my SO is ridiculously good looking (well, at least I think so). I’m not saying I’m ugly or anything, but he is much more conventionally attractive. He’s about 6’0, 185, a head full of dark hair, big blue eyes, a chiseled face, and naturally built…he’s not jacked or anything, but he has really nice arms and legs, and his stomach is completely flat and perfect. I am–well, the opposite. I’m short and fat and while i also have dark hair and big blue eyes, I don’t really meet the cultural standards for hotness, or whatever. I’m just going to put it out there–I’m pushing close to 300lbs, which I KNOW isn’t healthy, so for the love of god, don’t threadjack haha. We work well together. He thinks I’m sexy, which is all that really matters. I’ve gained a lot of weight in the last year–I’m not trying to blame him, but I handle my stress with food. SO has a chronic illness (epilepsy) which has caused us a lot of grief over the past six months or so. I’m feeling more insecure about my body then ever.
SO is definitely the most attractive guy I’ve dated–most of the others have been relatively average, and let me tell you, it SUCKS. I have girls hitting on him in front of me right and left. Once at a festival, some (drunk) girl smacked him right on the butt and said “you liked it, didn’t you?”. When she saw me staring at her open mouthed, she just raised her eyebrows at me and went “What?” in a very Regina George kind of way. I’ve had girls eye**** the crap out of him at the bar, and then mean mug me while whispering and laughing with their friends. I’ll go to the restroom and when I come back out, they’re trying to chat him up. I know people have said things to him before about my weight, and have basically asked him why he’s with me when he could be with someone who is more attractive. I see it all the time–people giving looks to each other, or girls trying to hit on him when they think I’m not looking–or even when they know I am. Once we were at the gym on the situp machines and some girl was trying to chat him up while we were working out, asking him about his favorite machines and which ones helped him get his stomach!
As I said, SO has health problems, and I know that there are people out there who don’t really know us who think that he is just with me because I’m willing to put up with the doctor’s appointments and the constant cycles of unemployment, and everything else that comes along with a neurological disease. But the truth is, we are really a great match for each other. He’s been my rock, and I really think we both feel like this is the relationship we were always meant to have. It’s clear to all of my friends, my family, and his family that he is absolutely devoted to me.
Before anyone asks, my SO is the first to defend me. He’s gone off on a group of girls he heard talking about me, and in every instance where I’ve seen females approach him, he has shut them down before they can really even get too much out of their mouths. He’ll usually see when I’m getting uncomfortable, and he’s very intuitive–he’ll put his arm around me or kiss me, and try to distract me from the situation.
I know some Bees might think I’m being dramatic–but if you’re in a relationship where you’re significantly bigger than your SO, you probably have some idea where I’m coming from. I know I can’t control other people, and I should just focus on the fact that he’s with me–but it’s getting to the point where I don’t even want to go out with him in public anymore because I feel like I’m an embarrassment. While I think both he and I are aware of how I’m feeling, I’m not sure that he understands the amount of anxiety I have about it all. We don’t exactly discuss it, and we definitely don’t talk about how I feel about my weight in general. Does anyone know how to handle these feelings (I mean besides just losing weight–because it’s not that easy) or have any suggestions for some good comebacks for these ratchet skanks we seem to run into everywhere? Am I the only one who has felt like this?