(Closed) Plus Sized Girls with Fit SOs…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Hostess
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I can sort of relate. My fi is not FIT, but he is not FAT, either. [Well, I guess some would consider him fat, but I don’t]. While I am much larger than him. It’s not being LARGER than him that bothers me, but I’ve always had REALLY large hips. So I’m super super wide, and that bothers me [don’t get me wrong, I’m still quite overweight, but my hips are my biggest thing for me].

I often think about what our pictures will look like.. will I look hideously larger than him?

When he moved here, I was a size 16, which isn’t small by any means by I felt “normal”. My family has VERY low metabolism, and I have a few health problems [PCOS, for example], so to balance my weigh I would only eat maybe at most 3 times a week, and basically was on a liquid diet the rest of the time. I KNOW, I KNOW – not healthy, but it’s what worked. Seriously, eating more than once a day makes me blow up like a balloon.

Once he moved here.. I gained SO much weight. Within the first year I was a size 18/20, and I am currently almost a 22 [22’s are a little too big, 20’s are a little too small]. Both him and his family EAT.SO.OFTEN. Like seriously, they never skip a meal, and they never gain weight. It’s just insane. It’s really hard [for me] to turn down food when they are eating it IN FRONT OF MY FACE. I know it’s my issue that I need to resolve, and I plan to take care of it, but for now, it really sucks.

Basically, you need to put those horrible thoughts out of your mind. Your fiance loves you, and he must love your gorgeous body, as well! Who cares what other people think!

Post # 17
Member
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

jillbean1217:  I can relate, and I actually know several other girls in the same kind of situation. The best advice I can give is to own it! Know that he chose you, not them. 

Me and my best friend are both plus sized girls with super fit SO’s, so we’ve talked about this several times. She’s in general more confident than I am, and one day I was complaining about the same kind of feelings you have, and she said “well… HE doesnt have a problem with your size… so why do you?”

I know its not easy to get self confidence, even thin girls can have problems with how they look, but it did make me feel better about our relationship. 

Post # 18
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Casa Feliz

First off I’m going to say that there’s nothing wrong with being the bigger person in the relationship. I’m not plus size, but my weight has certainly fluctuated and caused me way more self esteem issues while my FH…well, he just looks hot. All. The. Time. And always has. He’s literally seen me at my worst in physical terms – at my heaviest weight, with an allergic reaction to my face that caused every feature to swell up to an embarrassing, terrifyingly disgusting proportion; he has caught me with a booger in my nose and grizzly armpits. Ya. Gross, right? At least, that’s what was my first reaction…until he proved to me that he really doesn’t care about that stuff as much as I did. <br /><br />I used to be a model, and when I stopped getting jobs because I was just even a little bit heavier, I was devastated and my self esteem was crushed. I may not be a big girl per se, but I have the same mentality of girls who are much heavier than I am. Basically, I saw no difference – at the end of the day, I was fat. Simple. That was it. <br /><br />But Adam proves to me every single day that he is in love with me and has been in love with me always, even when I didn’t particularly love myself. This is, of course, very comforting; however, I made the decision to look and feel better for my own happiness. Also, I was done feeling like Adam deserved someone better than I had been. So I made my own weight loss plan and stuck to it. No trainers, no tricks – just diligence, lots of self control, and positivity. Sure enough, I started losing weight, and I still am, and I noticed I started feeling much better about myself too. Sure, people including your boyfriend are going to tell you you look beautiful and love you the way you are, but I don’t believe you will ever be able to convince yourself of that until you make yourself feel like that. So why not challenge yourself and surprise everyone? Make this your motivation: I don’t want to feel like the fat, less attractive half of this relationship, so I’m going to stop it by proving to myself. If I were you, I’d get on a weight loss program and start making people’s mouths drop!

Post # 19
Member
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

jenilynevette:  If it makes you feel any better, I’m an 18 and my husband wears a (mens) size 28, and I love our wedding pictures. =)

Post # 20
Member
725 posts
Busy bee

I have been overweight almost my entire life. I am 5″3 and at my heaviest I was probably 225 or a size 18 jeans. I know what emotional eating does to you and I am an emotional eater myself so I know losing weight is hard BUT it is what you need to do – not just for vanity reasons but for your health in the long run. I’m not trying to ‘jack’ your thread but you said it yourself, you know you need to lose weight.

I used to think like you- I knew losing weight was the answer but because it was hard I made every excuse in the book. And I still felt miserable. It wasn’t until I started to take care of myself that I felt better about myself and that boosts your confidence and leads to less problems emotionally and physically.

 

Think about it – do you want to live a shorter life feeling miserable about yourself and rob your SO of a long happy marriage or would you want to live a long healthy and happy life with him? Would you tell an alcoholic to not stop drinking because it was hard? No way. You tell them to stop or get in rehab. You’ve got to rehab yourself – tackle and overcome the reasons you emotionally eat and finally conquer it. 

You have a man who wants to marry you and loves you and is your rock. Talk with him is the first step. Talking can help identify the why once you know the why the doing part is easier. Take small steps. Go for walks – this could be a new thing you share together. 

I have had the same insecurity problems because my fiance is the fit one and I was the bigger one. But after years of making excuses of why I can’t lose the weight I finally just said enough! I am a pretty girl with awesome qualities and if this man loves me and sees all my good then it’s time I felt the same. 

 

I know it’s the answer you DIDNT want but it is the ONLY answer there is. 

Post # 21
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

He’s a bit more fit than I am,  and he does attract attention. Even being plus size, I attract some as well. I never give it any thought, I know he loves me. Our bodies compliment eachother nicely and he loves my curves. He does get self conscious about his height (only 2 inches taller than me) and I can be a little self conscious of my body…but looks are temporary. In 50 years it won’t matter anymore 😉

Post # 22
Member
1324 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

your SO sounds AWESOME. but you really need to work on your self-esteem and confidence. i suggest reading osho’s self-help books. you said you go to the gym. does that help? could you be working out more? for your mind (to release energy) not to lose weight. there are a lot of benefits that exercise provides aside from losing weight. even though i’m not a very big girl or very small (believe me i’m VERY average), working out has given me more confidence just because i’ve gotten stronger and happier with myself. 

Post # 23
Member
1324 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

also, girls can be complete bitches. i totally feel you on that. 

Post # 24
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

jillbean1217:  i have the exact same issue! My bf is the most spectacular looking guy on the planet, the perfect body, beautiful eyes, face teeth smile ahhhh everything. he is sheer perfection, tho ive never been one to like guys so chisled, i like thick! But anywho, I am and always have been on the chunky side. unfortunately i was heavy all thru grade/high school and anyone who dated me…well was surprising to say the least, or so i thought.

and for some reason he loves me, i think he loves real curves in general, but he also thinks pink is hot n she has a better six pack than him. ew.

ive seen girls hit on him constantly, theres a girl in subway that always tells him he looks good in his shirts or she likes his hats and etc. extremely annoying, and since ive always been insecure i can get real mean and quite protective because he is mine, and mine only. hehe

but the crazy thing is they love us, and that is the most important aspect in any relationship, just because you cant love yourself fully for who you are, maybe hes meant to be your soulmate to help show you what beauty is really there, cause im sure you are just as beautiful as he thinks you are.

 

* A pretty face will change, a hot body will grow old, but a GOOD woman will always be a Good woman.*

hugs!

Post # 25
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I know how you feel, not in my current relationship with my Fiance, but in a past one.  I was a size 16/18 or so (5’1 and 180lbs or so), and my ex was MAYBE a sz 28 in pants, about 135lbs.  The worst for me was going to a waterpark and going on a double tube, where the heaviest person had to be in the front… that absolutely made me feel the most horrible about the difference.  My face was as redas a tomato…

Post # 26
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

nikkiibee:  ive been there too with a past relationship, the guy forcing me to b in the front and my bf saying well thats weird? ….and another employee came up two seconds later and switched us and my bf at the time was like yeah i dont know why he would put her in the front! very nice of him though i appreciated moving to the back lol

Post # 27
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

jillbean1217:  hey lady. So, I can relate to some parts. i am plus sized and my husband is 6’3 and weighs 170. I weigh almost 100 more lbs than him. and that sucks. So, I can totally relate to being larger than my Darling Husband. Although my Darling Husband is very attractive, he doesnt get hit on all the time or anything. so i really cannot relate to that. and I wouldnt consider my Darling Husband fit either lol he is slim, flat stomach, slim arms and legs but not fit but he doesnt exercise or eat super healthy. I just feel so large around him. also, my Father-In-Law is a total dick about my weight. I lost about 50lbs once (it didnt last long) and he kept tellingme that he was so glad I FINALLY lost all that weight, etc. he asks me things like, so have you always been fat or why are you overweight, etc. Father-In-Law makes comments about my size ALL the time. Every time I see him. Darling Husband sticks up for me but it still hurts. 

as for those slutty girls up on your man and talking crap about your size, they have no idea what it is like to struggle with weight. People can be unkind about things they are ignorant about. one day when they have a baby or reach 40 yrs old and their metabolism slows down and they can no longer do yagerbombs and eat fast food without gaining weight….they will understand and probably think back to all their fat jokes, etc and feel pretty shitty about it.

I hate that this makes you insecure 🙁 YOu should love yourself just as he loves you. I have a feeling you are better looking than you think. 

remember, life is so much more than how you look and what the number on the scale says. Dont let it take over your life and control the good things (your loving SO, etc). 

PM me if you ever want to chat. XO

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