Post # 1
I am plus sized, my Maid/Matron of Honor is plus sized, 90% of my family is plus sized. My family hates over weight people (lots of self loathers)
My MOH’s breasts could probably make Dolly Parton jealous so I know a strapless dress will make her beyond uncomfortable but EVERY dress I like is strapless. So we came up with the idea that she could possibley wear a different dress then my other girls who are sized 12, 10 and 8 my Maid/Matron of Honor is a size 20/22 I’m a 18/20. I know if I put her in a different dress my family will assume it is because she was too large to fit into the dress my other girls are in. And if she wears a jacket or shawl they will assume it is because she is self-conscious over her size, not that shes afraid her breasts are going to spill out.
I know my family thinks like this because when I was a bridesmaid in my Nana’s 3rd wedding I was the only non-MOH (she had 2) and everyone I spoke to at the reception said something like “Oh its horrible that your nana didn’t pick a dress you could wear too” and “maybe if she had given you more notice you could of dropped some weight” It was a terrible experiance and I have a feeling putting her in a different dress will put her in a posistion where my family may say something to HER about her weight. Which will not only piss her off, but might bring me to throwing punches because after dealing with that at a wedding, I now have zero tolerance for my families rude remarks on weight.
So what should I do? Find a dress with straps? Have everyone wear jackets? Let her wear a seperate dress? Hand out complementry strips of duct tape to place over my families mouths? Has anyone dealt with a similar problem? What was your solution?
(My wedding planning so far has just been online, but as problems come up I am inquiring about them, not doing any official instore planning until 2015)
Post # 3
What if you let all of your bridesmaids wear different dresses, within certain guidelines? I did that, and they all worked together to find dresses that were both flattering on them while maintaining a similar ‘look’. I love all the dresses they chose even more than the one I was thinking of choosing for them, and can’t wait to see them the day of!
With that said, the duct tape idea is super tempting…
Post # 4
How do you feel about everyone wearing mismatched dresses? All in the same colour, but different necklines? I think it would look odd if ine dress was different, but if they all are, there’s no reason for your family to think that her size is the problem.
Alternatively, could you get straps made out of extra fabric (like ordering a wrap, or if the dress is long, using offcut fabric from hemming) for your Maid/Matron of Honor, so she can wear the same dress?
Post # 5
I would look for a dress with straps to protect her from your family.
Post # 6
Wow. I’m sorry your family is so judgemental and that they’ve said things like that to you.
I would say before you get too wrapped up in trying to pick a dress online, take your Maid/Matron of Honor and go try on some dresses, just the two of you. Find a few styles that she’s comfortable in and then have your size 8/10/12 maids come along and try on the styles that you and your Maid/Matron of Honor picked.
Also, keep in mind that it’s really hard to please that many people with one dress, so don’t be upset if someone isn’t in love with the final dress. That’s life and your maids shoud understand.
My maids are all different sizes and body types, and to make it harder we live in different cities (Portland/Chicago). Instead of picking one dress for all them, I went to David’s Bridal and picked out four colors that I liked and bought swatches for my maids to use when they shopped for their own dresses. I told them to get a dress that was knee-length, semi-formal, and matched the color in one of the swatches. It worked out really well and they all got to pick dresses they liked and were comfortable wearing.
Post # 7
@M72727: I agree. Or have the BMs wear dresses with straps.
Post # 8
Well since you know what will happen if you put in a dress that differs from your other bridesmaids then I think you for sure not go that route. Either have all the girls were mismatched dresses that work together, or pick a dress that has straps. There are plenty of great options for bridesmaids that aren’t strapless.
Post # 9
All of the mismatched suggestions are good, I think. I did that because at the time we bought dresses one of my girls was a size 18, one was pregnant (and is plus sized to start), and the other was a size 4.
So everyone got a different dress, but in the same material and same color, and they all felt fabulous in their dresses and can’t wait to wear them. 🙂 Not everyone’s body is the same, so. And my MoH (the size 4) actually picked a short dress while the others picked a long one, so that is her “distinguishing” feature since her dress is the same color as my others.
Post # 10
i agree go shopping with Maid/Matron of Honor alone, and once she agrees to a few dresses take the other girls shopping and tell them these are the options, and everyone needs to pick one ( and of course you get ifnal say and pick your fave outta those!)
Post # 11
@Wildflower2016: i think you should find a dress to make everyone comfortable. why does everyone have to be in the same dress?
before my breast reduction, i had an enormously unproportional chest to the rest of my body. i could not wear a strapless dress. if someone told me i had to, i would have declined so I wouldn’t have to wear it. and if i was made to wear one, i would have been miserable.
your Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs are your nearest and dearest, don’t you want them to be comfortable?