Post # 1
I work in a pharmacy and have had problems with hyphenated names. Now bare with me because its 3:30 am here so I might not type well. I hope this helps u to keep the confusion down when u need to do business with companies.I will give u some examples of things that have happen to me quite often.
Lets say a woman is calling in and her name is Ann Grace-Smith. But we dont know that Grace is one of her last names, not a middle name. So when she calls in, when she says her name, we think that Grace is her middle name!! Confusion ensues until she says its hyphenated.
Plus we always file your name under your first last name. So if your hyphenated name is Ann Grace-Smith then u need to tell us to look under Grace not Smith. Its annoying and there is alot of confusion when ladies ask for their last last name. We cant find it and its just annoying.
Oh and there are some men out there that will tell u ladies that they are fine with u not changing your name, but secretly they hate that u didnt take their name!! How do I know this?? Because when some husbands of women who have hyphenated names comes into the pharmacy, the husbands always ask under the last last name. Even though we told them(countless times) that we file the names under the first last name. They refuse to ask under the hyphenated name! Then for a little bit I cant find it and then the man finally says try looking under Grace.
Ladies if u do decide to hyphenate your name, when u talk to a company PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT U TELL THEM RIGHT AWAY THAT YOUR NAME IS HYPHENATED!!! Be up front about it. They will love u for keeping the confusion down!!
Second, ask how your pharmacy and other companies file your name. Under your first last name or under the last last name. Then only ask under that name.
And finally, please talk to your husbands. Tell them how each company(like your pharmacy) files your name and tell him to lesson the confusion for the workers by asking for your prescriptions under that name!
I know this is long, but I hope this has hellped u and that this will lessen the confusion when u call people. There are some women who have no idea that they should mention that their name is hyphenated.
Post # 3
Ugh. More fuel for the “never changing my name” fire. My one and only concern with having a different last name from my husband and possible future children will be people questioning if we’re truly a family. For example, sending him to the post office to pick my mail up for me. I could see someone not wanting to give him the package based on our different last names. Other than that, I could say I’m just as upset that he didn’t take my last name or agree to hyphenate! 🙂 To me it’s all just some arbitrary cultural thing. In other cultures it’s taboo for the man not to take the woman’s name. The only truly equal way I’ve seen this done is when this one couple basically both hyphenated each other’s last names together. For example Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson became Mr. and Mrs. Smith-Johnson or Johnson-Smith. Just not a fan of the hyphenated thing myself, personally, since I do a lot of paperwork and the shorter my name is the better!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Personally, I find some of what you said really offensive, especially the whole claim that if you don’t take your husband’s last name, he secretly hates that you didn’t. That is a generalization that does not in any way shape or form apply to all men, and it is very hurtful and rude to make this claim about all men.
My Fiance and I are both hyphenating our last names, so that our new last name will be Mine-His. He does not secretly hate that I’m not taking his last name–he LOVES that we are hyphenating together because we have a lot of great reasons for doing so. This is the right decision for us, and to imply otherwise is offensive and a gross misrepresentation of many men (and women) out there.
Also, your “evidence” for why men secretly hate that their wives don’t change their names is just silly. So maybe they don’t know you don’t file under the first last name? Maybe the men you see in your pharmacy don’t actually represent all men everywhere? Unless the men have said to you, “I’m not asking under her hyphenated name because I hate that she didn’t just take my name,” your claim has no proof whatsoever.
Honestly, I think it would be great if you had more compassion toward people who choose to hyphenate. Unfortunately, a lot of us receive flack for making this choice because others don’t understand or appreciate why we choose to hyphenate in the first place. What a person does with their last name after marriage (or at any other time in their life) is a very personal decision, and it’s frustrating that a lot of people out there can’t just accept this decision. I mean, would it be so bad to ask Ann Grace-Smith if the Grace was part of her last name or her middle? I don’t think so, and she’d probably be thrilled that she didn’t have to clarify herself in this situation. I didn’t choose to hyphenate my name to make your life harder or more confusing, and I really don’t think it’s that big enough of a deal to cause you so much stress that you have to write a post like this.
Post # 5
Your right in a way. Obviously not all men hate it. But there ARE a couple that come into our pharmacy. Like this one guy. I have told him at least twenty times how we file and he never asks for the right last name.
People can do whatever u want with your name. But if u tell someone your name, like the Ann Grace-Smith(fictional name) it just confuses people. Lots of people say their first name, middle name and their last name. So when a person comes in with a hypenated name, we assume that its just another middle name. I would have to ask maybe about 75 people to eventually get to a person with a hypenated name. We dont have alot. Trust me it happens alot. Its confusing. At least until u get to know them AND their name.
And Im not the only one who thinks that. Even some of the women who come into our pharmacy has said that they like their name, but there is always confusion when they deal with companies. Stores, utility companies,etc.
U can change your name for whatever reason, but if someone finds dealing with hypenated names confusing, how in the world is that bad?? That doesnt make a person bad.
Though I can try to ask more but dont u think it would be a good idea too if u help the worker and tell them that its hyphenated?? Y put all the responsibility on the worker?? From what I have heard from women with hyphenated names, they have had some confusion with it through some parts of their married life. And from what they tell me, I will be very surprised if u went through your whole married life without something like that happening.
Obviuosly there is nothing wrong with hypenated names,Im not saying that hyphenating your name is bad, but dont get mad or think they are rude when they are confused with the wrong name. It happens.
And I posted this because this is what I go through at work. And since I am mostly in the front, I havent learned peoples names faster like the others, but I am slowly learning the names.
Post # 6
What happens if you hyphenate your name and then your daughter marrys a boy who parents hyphenated their name too.
When they marry will they be Mary and Andrew Wood-Moore-Stevens-McDonald?
Hyphenating seems to be a single generation solution, and the above theoritical situation always amuses me.
I have two middle names and that makes filling out forms a mission, no way am I adding a fifth name to the mix!
Post # 7
Whoa! There is a lot of judgement in this topic! My husband loves me and was very open to me doing whatever I was comfortable with. So funny!
I didn’t hyphenate. I’m Mrs. Smith Jones so to speak. It wouldn’t occur to me to call is an Mrs. Jones for something like that.
Sorry that it’s so confusing for some people, but it’s my name. I haven’t come across any confusion at all about it. *shruggy guy*
My children will have his last name. For various reasons, I didn’t want to drop my maiden name.
Post # 8
@parasol: She did say “some” men feel that way, not all husbands of hyphenaters. And even if her example isn’t the strongest, that’s a pretty fair comment overall. There are some men out there who feel that way. My husband is one of them. He’s getting over it.
@Earlybride: Why put all the responsibility on the worker? Because it’s your job, for which you get paid and should do well. Of course customers are sometimes irritatingly oblivious and for the ease of all involved should contribute their entire names clearly, but honestly, this sounds more like why you don’t like your job or your customers than it is “help” to married women.
@LessIsMoore: Even if the mother hyphenates her name, the children can have hers/his/theirs/whatever. You don’t have to automatically hyphenate your children’s names. I’m hyphenated, but we’ll give kids his last name and probably use my maiden as a second middle name that will probably never get used but just exist quietly. And if you do choose to hyphenate the kids’ names, I’m sure that when/if s/he gets married, s/he can then choose on their own how to handle their names.
Post # 9
I personally have received a lot of judgement for hyphenating my name, and I think it is downright silly. What a woman decides to do about her last name after marrying is ultimately up to her and no one else. If she ends up having to deal with confusion from companies, etc., then she’ll deal with it. Trust me, I know as a person who hyphenated her last name!
I think it makes complete sense to explain to the pharmacy- or any other company for that matter- that your name is hyphenated rather than assuming they understand. I always explain to them that the two last names are hyphenated as one, and I never have serious problems.
But I also think it’s not really fair for pharmacists and employees to get livid if a husband gets flustered and gives the wrong name once in a while and gets confused about how your filing system works. I have changed my name with all my credit cards, etc., but I still sometimes get mail to just my maiden name rather than my hyphenated name even though I have taken the proper steps to change it. I could see my Darling Husband perhaps just using one of the names on accident at the store, and I would hate for him to be greeted with a nasty attitude just because he doesn’t know how your system works.
Side note: OP, I do totally get that you would be frustrated with the guy who never gets it right regardless of the fact that he shops with you all the time. That’s just an issue of not paying attention on his part.
Post # 10
@brideatbeach: I agree. If a pharmacy were to act like that, I would be switching pretty quickly! Crazy!
Post # 11
Forgetfulness =/= hating that the wife didn’t take his last name.
I am confused, however, when after you don’t find it under Smith, you don’t immediately say, “I don’t see it under Smith. Is Grace a middle or last name?” No need to ask immediately for the 74 where Smith is the last name…but after you don’t see it there, why should it cause such as a hassle when you know that might be a possibility?
Also…please avoid text speak when typing a post. It makes it hard to read.
Post # 12
Am I in the twilight zone or something? Some of you bees understand was I was trying to understand(in different parts of your posts). And some of u didnt. Some think Im dissing hyphenated names or telling that all of the men hate it, or judging you for it(never did I say that hyphenating names is bad). A couple even think that when there is confusion we are livid and rude to the customer. Really? Come on. Im very surprised you bees would even think that. If we treated someone that rudely, of course they would leave. But we dont.
My advice was simple. I was trying to tell u how to make it easier for everyone involved, you, and whatever businesses u deal with. To lesson the confusion for all parties. Its that simple.
You dont have to diss the advice. Use it, dont use it. But some of you are reading more into this then whats there. And if you dont agree with the advice then in no way do you even have to post about it. We are gonna go in circles here, like Ive seen in other threads on this website, when fellow bees keep posting responses when they dont agree, even to the point of becoming rude and then someone gets banned. I dont want that happeneing here.
Remember, I am NOT telling you that you shouldnt hyphenate, am just suggesting ways to make it easier to have. Thats all. Its that simple. I hope I explained this well. Have a good week!
Post # 13
At the request of the OP, I’ll close this thread.