Poker game made me cry – how to handle?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

 one more thing though: why is he even friends with these d-bags?

Like, while my tips are fine for when you have to interact with them.. I’d honestly be super unimpressed if my husband made me interact with them more than necessary for his career.  (i.e. outside of networking type events.)

They say if you want to know who a person truly is, take a look at their friends.

Post # 32
5081 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

At first I was just picturing some joking about the game, in which case you may have been overreacting, but it sounds like this was more than that. I have been in a slightly similar situation with some of DH’s friends. When it’s just one or a couple of them, they’re fine, but when they get into a group, it’s just a shit on each other fest the entire time. While they never say anything nasty about me, they do seem to shit on DH disproportionally. He doesn’t mind most of the time, but it pisses me off and is pretty annoying. Like how many times can you make the “he fucked his cousin” joke (my husband is from the mountains in Tennessee and has an accent, so he gets a lot of hillbilly stereotype jokes)? It’s not funny anymore. Honestly, the last time, I just got up and said I was leaving and DH could come or not. Now I refuse to see one of the friends that is the arrogant ass ringleader and limit exposure to them in groups.

I think you need to make it clear to your SO that what happened was not all in good fun for you and that he needs to be on your side. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t realize that you were upset. If you feel comfortable calling out his friends, do so, but otherwise he should tell his friends to leave you alone. 

Post # 33
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t have great advice for you, but I’m happy that you’re not dumping him over this 🙂 I get a little tired of the DUMP HIM comments sometimes. 

If I were you, I would probably be stewing over this for a few days with all of my anger directed at the main offender (the guy who was specifically bullying you). My husband is very witty and I would probably ask him for a few good comebacks. Next time that guy tried to embarrass me or make fun of me in front of others I would give it right back to him! My belief is that if someone tries to humiliate you in front of others, you can’t accept it. Then others will view you as a target. 

So yeah, I would shut him down in front of the others and later before leaving the party privately acknowledge the heated moment. 

And don’t hold back either. He questioned your intelligence and financial standing over and over again. So I would probably make fun of his face or his shoes or his hairline – whatever would make him blush.

Post # 34
335 posts
Helper bee

This sucks! You totally need to say something! Agree with PP that you need to be direct with your husband. 

Post # 35
324 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
hibeesknees :  you are totally right about people judging you by those you surround yourself with. Your partner was being a jerk too. They are his coworkers, so its likely the company has a culture of hiring aholes or tolerates aholes. So unless you expect him to quit his job, maybe you’d want to reconsider him too. You are quick to blame his friends/coworkers for ‘rubbing off’ on your partner.. how do you know its not your partner who’s the big ahole rubbing off on his coworkers? In fact, he threw you under the bus and mocked you. This is far from ‘bad judgement’, but rather a deep character personality. It’s a culture. I’d be careful if I were you.

Post # 36
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Maybe you should learn how to play poker. Stay up late studying world poker tour. Then next time you play suggest a larger buy in. Take all their money and buy yourself something nice 😂

Post # 38
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Oh my god, I would be fucking furious and humiliated. And I would stop speaking. Yeah, I’m sensitive, but that’s not funny. None of it is funny if it’s at the expense of someone else and they aren’t also laughing.

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