Post # 1
I guess I’m writing this to see if any other Bee’s out there are in the same boat that I am….my husband has a wonderful job that he loves and I seem to be drifting through life trying to find my calling….
My husband is the in Air Force, and I must say that thank God for him and all the others that serve our country. He totally loves what he does and being that he is currently a recruiter he spends his days showing kids what a great life they can have and all the benefits to it…
While he is a wonderful guy I seem to be finding little support in what to do with my life. I did not go to a school where the military was presented to us and didn’t know all of the options that it held, that also being said I don’t think it’s for everyone but he does….
I went to college and am 3 classes away from my BA but I had to stop going due to financial reasons….that and the fact it seems that everyone with their degree is still struggling to find work. I find that he is constantly making statements about how so many people wash out of college and don’t finish and what a waste of time and money it is which hurts because at the moment that’s where I’m at. Of course he claims he isn’t talking about me specifically but people in general. I had plans to go on to grad school or law school but the fact is that we just don’t have the money and now we are moving across the country in 6 weeks.
While I’m excitied to be going some place different I’m not really looking forward to another dead end type job bringing home 1/4 of what he does. I’d love to have a job where I liked what I did and was happy to go to work. I guess all in all I’m just tired of feeling like I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up or feeling like I have the support to figure it out. Every time we talk about it it ends up in a fight with him saying something like “well at least your working” or my personal favorite of “it could be worse”. Just wondering if there are any other couples out there that have or have had an issue such as this.
Post # 3
I am exactly where you are.
My Fiance has an easy, stable 7am-3pm factory job where he gets great benefits, its a ‘thinkless’ job and he gets great overtime pay. He never went to college and makes more money than what I made in my career after I went to college. I am happy for him but still, its defeating for me.
Me…I went to college. Spent over $50k on on my Bachelors and I quit my ‘career’ job bc I was miserable (teaching). Now, I have this teaching degree that I cannot use except for teaching, which pays crap money and if I work in a preschool setting, its even worse. I am so depressed about my education/profession right now, I feel lost. I feel like I wasted money, time and now I have nothing. Im currently nannying…well, I cant do that forever. While it pays prett decent (more weekly than what I made as a first year teacher), I cannot nanny forever..what am I going to do when I have kids?
So, I met with an advisor and this is my plan…I am going back to school in the fall for a Business Administration Certificate. Once I get the certificate, I plan to get a business like position then while I gain experience working in business using my certificate, I want to work towards an MBA in either HR or Supply Chain Management. The downside, an MBA will take forever…and I wanted to have kids in the next two years. 🙁
I say, if you are only 3 classes away from being done, finish it. Even if you dont find a job, you will at least have a BA and can say you worked toward something. I know school is expensive but at the very least, you have a degree under your belt and in most cases, that looks better than no degree. You can do it. You will get frustrated but you CAN do this. So get it done. When you finish, look for jobs and if you dont find anything, consider a different field.
I hear ya sister…for so long I was a ‘teacher’ and now I want nothing to do with teaching. I feel like I dont know my place in the world anymore. Like I am going through an identity change or something. Keeep your head up!
Post # 4
Can I ask you a question…
what do you want him to do, specifically, to help you figure out what you want to do.
This is something you have to figure out. You need to decide what the next step is and what the path is. He can’t decide that for you. And then TELL him what you need him to do in exact terms
Him saying ““well at least your working” or “it could be worse” very likely is his way of being supportive. Its very possible its his way of “Look at the bright side”.
And yes, three classes is kind of waste. finish them, transfer them etc. What is the degree in?
I also highly recommend reading “What color is your parachute” More than a job searching book, its about find a job you like and are good at. It asks you to look at jobs in a different way than you are used to. It makes you look at the jobs you have had in a different way and to determine the pieces that worked and didnt work and then helps you piece them all together to find something for you.
It helped me learn that while I didnt particuarly care for what I was doing at that moment, I was on the right path.
Post # 5
@countrygirl12345678: I really think you should try to finish up your bachelor’s degree, even if you have to take out a loan. Having a degree will open up so many more doors, especially because it’s a minimum requirement for a lot of jobs. Plus, when you’re in college you can take advantage of career counselors and school job boards to help you find a career.
Your husband should be more supportive of you, but the harsh reality is that you’re not likely to get what you want (a career you’re excited for, good pay, praise from your husband) without finishing school first. You’re so close! I hope you’ll choose to finish.
Post # 6
I guess it’s more the eye rolling I get when I talk about going back to school coupled with the snied remarks about even when I finish it still isn’t going to help….My undergrad is in legal research as I was planning to go to law school but not sure that it’s possible now. Law school isn’t done through distance learning and being that he’s in the military and we move often I wouldn’t be in one place long enough to finish and law schools don’t really transfer credits like they do for undergrad degrees.
It’s not that I want him to pick a career out for me just would be nice not to be cut off at the knees every time I bring it up.
Post # 7
@countrygirl12345678: First off… 3 classes away from finishing? FINISH IT!!! That’s less than one semester! Whatever it takes, you need to finish that degree.
I know it can be discouraging, but people do get jobs with BAs. I have one. It might not happen for you right away, but you have to finish that degree or you likely will be working dead end jobs forever. It would be such a waste not to finish it.
I am sure you’ve heard it before, but volunteer where you think you might want to work, if at all possible. Try some different things out – you don’t know where you’ll land.
Just don’t sit around and feel sorry for yourself. You never know when a great opportunity may come along. Network. Get yourself out there.
Post # 8
@ThreeMeers: thanks for that recommendation! I’m in the business field but am very confused as to what to go into directly so I’m definitely going to find that book =)
@countrygirl12345678: 1) finish your degree. THREE classes! Out of 120 credits, you have 111, you really really need to just finish it. There will be so many jobs that just flat out require “a 4 yr degree” as you get into a more professional job field, you’ll regret it if you don’t finish. I have 7 classes left & am EXACTLY where you are, knowing that when I graduate I will be working in a job that I do not need a degree for…it SUCKS….but I’m a management major & while it’s very, very general, I have to think that if I have a history of being a good employee and proving myself in addition to my degree, I’ll get into management faster. I have no idea if it’s true but I know it’s not worth stopping when I only have 7 classes left.
2) what about a paralegal? my sister was a legal assistant/paralegal for YEARS & it pays pretty well & is in the field you are studying so the degree can’t hurt. You obviously make no where near what a lawyer makes but it’s not as much schooling as law school & not as long
Post # 9
I come at this from a completely different perspective – I am your Fiance.
I love my job, I went to school for 10 years to get my job (I have a PhD and I am a professor). I sacrificed A LOT (and my husband sacrificed a lot) for me to get here!
My husband has an associates degree in business and has hated every job he has ever had.
It is sooo difficult to try and be supportive of someone who is so negative about themselves, their job, and their prospects. I really struggle with what to say to him often and often I do tell him “At least you have a job!” type comments to try and look at the bright side of things. But I can’t find him a different job, I can’t go back to school for him, I can’t really do much but support whatever he wants to do.
I have told him that if he wants to go back to school, we will make it work! If he needs to get a job further away we will move and each do a commute. But in terms of actually doing something that is up to him – I can’t do it for him!
Please sit down with a realistic plan of what you want to do and then talk to him about it – I am sure he is more than willing to compromise with you to allow you to follow your dreams. But you need to create your own action plan, you can’t expect him to do that for you!